“I know.” Killian nudged me as he appeared out of nowhere. “Something’s up with them. Do you think they’re in love or something?”
I raised my brows. “I don’t know, maybe.” I tried not to think about Beau and his big, calloused hands. The way it felt when he kissed me. The sounds he made when he pushed inside of me.
“They looked awfully guilty earlier when I caught them on the porch talking together.” He shoved the rest of his s’more in his mouth before he grinned at me.
I rolled my eyes. “You’re disgusting.”
“I know.” Killian snickered before he left me to find Matthias.
I hated being alone. I wasn’t jealous of Helena and Ryan. I was lonely. I missed Beau, and I hated that he had hurt me all over again. I should have listened to Jackson and stayed away from him. Tears stung my eyes and blinded my vision. Being in love shouldn’t feel like this. It was supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows. Instead, I felt like raindrops and storm clouds. I was happy for my family and friends, but I wanted that, too. I couldn’t do this right now. I didn’t want to watch everyone being loved up and happy. I hurried inside the house to flop down on the bed and let the tears fall.
When I saw Beau in a couple of days, I wasn’t going to make it easy on him. I wasn’t going to let him walk back into my life, if that was what he wanted. But maybe that wasn’t what he had planned. Maybe he would ignore me. Maybe he would have a date. The thought had me shoving my face against the pillow and screaming. My heart felt like it was being broken in two. I had never felt like this before. I wanted this pain to stop. Now. If this was what love felt like, I never wanted to feel it again.
“Dean, hey, it’s going to be okay,” Maverick cooed softly in my ear, his hand in my hair.
I shook my head. “Make it stop.” I turned to look at him.
“I would if I could.” Mav gave me a small smile. “Scoot over.” And when I did, he climbed up into the bed next to me. “I’m going to murder him, you know that, right? I’ll make sure the body is buried where no one can find it.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of my throat. “I know.” I shouldn’t be this happy that my big brother was so quick to come to my defense, but I was.
“You didn’t tell me.” He pushed the hair back from my forehead. “And now that it explains why he’s been absent from the apartment building. I haven’t seen him in a bit. I refuse to say his name, too. He’s an asshole for hurting you again.”
I sighed. “He’s probably scared of you.”
“Good. He fucking should be.” Maverick stared at me for a long minute. “Promise me that you won’t let this deter you from finding someone. That even though you’re hurting right now, that in time, you’ll try again. Don’t turn into me.”
“I promise,” I assured him.
Maverick smiled. “Good.” He leaned closer. “Tom and Blake left together a few minutes ago. Jax and I think they’re going to go have sex.”
“What?” I exclaimed and watched Maverick’s cheeks burn pink. “Are you serious?”
He nodded. “One hundred percent. Not sure how we missed that one, but then again, I was too fucked up in my own head to notice what was going on between the two of them.”
“I could say the same. Tom and Blake, huh?” It made a lot of sense now that I thought about it. How Blake never hooked up with anyone. How innocent he always was. The so-called saint of the band.
Maverick let out a little giggle. “I always kind of wondered about them, but I guess I thought Blake was straight.”
“We thought that about you, too, remember?” I chuckled.
Maverick laughed a little harder. “Looks like everyone was wrong.”
We both twisted onto our backs, and when Maverick linked our fingers together, I felt a little better about everything. Having my brother with me, helping me, was everything I wanted for the past few years. It felt like the universe was healing. Which meant maybe I could heal myself, too.
Chapter Forty
Dean
Killian pushed open the front door to Blake’s house and let the screen door slam behind him. I stopped outside on the porch, trying to gather myself together. I had that dream about Beau again. The one where we had the house on the water and he kissed me when I walked through the door. I didn’t wake up with cum in my underwear this time, but with tears on my cheeks and an ache in my chest that I couldn’t erase.
“If you wanted some privacy, you should have gone upstairs.” Killian’s voice was loud and full of laughter. “Is this what the two of you have been doing this morning? Jackson is pissed.”
“He’s not pissed, more like a little worried,” Matthias assured them.
Jackson pushed his way inside, followed by Maverick. “I am pissed,” he said.
“What’s going on here?” Maverick asked curiously.
