“Oh my God! I need to wash my eyes with bleach now! Ew!” Killian exclaimed as he rushed from the room, and I could hear Matty laughing.
Helena giggled. “I miss you guys. It’s going to be fun when you’re all here, though. And I can’t believe Jax and Maverick are getting married. The first official Mulligan wedding.”
“It’s crazy, right?” I smiled at the thought of my brother getting married, even though my heart was heavy with disappointment. “I should let you go.”
“But you can call or text me anytime you need me,” she reminded me.
I smiled. “I know.”
“Promise me you will. No matter what, Dean, I’m here for you. And I love you, you know that.”
“I promise, Hel. And I love you, too. Always. And tell Ryan I said hello.”
We hung up, but I stayed in my room staring up at the ceiling before I reached for my phone again. I wasn’t going to play these games with Beau anymore. He had made his decision, and I was going to make mine. Even if it hurt.
Dean:I’m not going to text you again, but I just wanted to tell you that I had fun with you. And I cared for you. I’m not sure what I did to deserve this after you promised me you wouldn’t ghost me again.
Of course, my text went unread. I pulled up his Instagram that had gone silent as well once the Terriers season had ended. He only ever posted hockey-related pictures but scrolling back I found a few personal things. A picture from his honeymoon with Trish. The day Cole was born. It wasn’t that I expected him to share pictures of me or us. Anger pulsed through my veins. What a dick. Who the hell did he even think he was, anyway? Beau said he wouldn’t do this to me again, yet here we were.
Dean:You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you for making me care about you and your son. Fuck you for coming to me first, because this is all your fault. You pursued me, remember? I had no idea you were flirting with me. I thought you were just talking to me! I don’t deserve this kind of shit, either. So, enjoy your life or whatever. And I hope you tell Cole the truth about what happened because he’s a good kid. Tell him I wish him the best, too.
Dean:I guess this is goodbye.
It hurt to text the last line, but it also felt right. I couldn’t sit around waiting for Beau to text or call me. If he didn’t want me, I would find someone who did. And once I felt like I was ready, that was what I could do. I climbed from my bed and headed into the living room as an idea popped into my head.
“Hey Blake, did you get Jun’s number?” I sat down next to him on the couch.
Blake’s brows shot up. “Uh, sure. Why?”
“Just wondering. He seemed like a nice guy, and I thought it might be fun to collaborate sometime.” And maybe something else.
Jun was kind of cute, and we got along. I could always just DM him on his Instagram, but I wasn’t sure if he even ran his own social media accounts or not. Vegas was fun, and I got the impression that he was interested in more than just music. Maybe that would be fun once I had gotten over Beau. And maybe Beau would realize the mistake he had made.
Killian’s brows were furrowed. “The K-Pop dude with purple hair?”
“That’s him.” I pretended to be interested in my phone, but my ears were so hot I felt like they might be on fire. When I glanced back up, Killian was smirking at me. “What?”
He shook his head. “Nothing, nothing.”
“Anyway, are we ready for tomorrow?” I asked, changing the subject.
I just hoped that I would be able to get over Beau. Even though I knew I would have to see him in a couple of weeks at the wedding.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Beau
Iavoided my apartment like the plague. I was terrified that I would run into Maverick, and he would chew me out about ghosting Dean again. That he would make me feel even worse than I already did. I spent a lot of time with my sister, at the rink, and even took a little trip down to Florida to visit my parents, something I hadn’t done in years. If they were surprised, they didn’t mention it. I talked to Cole every single day. He was having a great time at camp. He asked about Dean every time. I wasn’t lying when I told my son Dean wasn’t with me. I just didn’t tell him that I was a stupid idiot who had just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Now that it was closer to Jackson and Maverick’s wedding, and they had left to go back to Jackson’s family home, I was back in Boston. Going stir-crazy and pacing around the apartment, trying to convince myself that I was better off alone. That this was how it was supposed to be. And maybe I shouldn’t go to the wedding. But that wasn’t fair to Jax. He was my teammate, my friend, and I wanted to see him get his happily ever after. He deserved that. Even if it meant Maverick might break my kneecaps.
I found myself back at Trish’s grave with a fresh bouquet of flowers in my hand, sitting on the grass with tears in my eyes.
“I fucked up,” I whispered. “I fucked up, and I don’t know how to fix it.” I sniffed and brushed the wetness from my face. “I love him, Trish, and I know he has to hate me for just ignoring him these past few weeks.”
“You’re scared.”
I swear I could hear her voice. The soft, light sound of it drifted through my ears.
