Pat shook his head. “Sorry, Hutch, I’m not playing that game.” He clucked his tongue. “You want me to punch Knox in the mouth for you? Because I would love to have a go at that dude. I never really liked that guy. He sort of weaseled his way into our group of friends.”
“I can do that.”
“I dare you.”
We bullshitted a little more, but Pat never brought up Jillian’s name again. We talked about things like college, how he and Jo wanted to get their own place, how they were talking about setting a wedding date, and I told him I was happy for him. It wasn’t a lie. Even thought we were opposites in every single way, I loved my brother. I knew he wanted the best for me, and I did for him. When he left, my heart hurt more than I wanted to admit to the point that I drank myself into an early slumber and was in bed before eight o’clock, knowing that I was going to kick myself when my alarm went off for work the next morning. Normally I wasn’t a heavy drinker, but I figured it was the only way I could get Jillian off my mind. It worked, but I knew it would come at a price.
***
Iliterally draggedmyself to work. I was an early riser when it came to getting to my job on time. I liked my morning schedule— rise up early, workout, shower, dress, and have a cup of coffee before hitting my workplace. I preferred to get there early, plan my schedule, and make sure I had plenty of time to get things done. I wasn’t the kind of guy who walked in with seconds to spare. Today, everything felt off, and Zed knew it the moment I walked into the building, scowling at the world.
“What happened to you?” He chuckled.
“Nothing.” I grabbed my timecard to punch in with about a minute to spare. My head felt like it just might pop off today. I had already taken more pain medication than recommended, but what would be worse other than my liver falling out? I slid my clipboard from behind the desk to look at everything he had scheduled for me.
Zed dropped a set of keys down. “Mrs. Donahue cracked up her bumper. It doesn’t look too bad, but she asked if you could take a look at it first thing.”
“Again?” Someone needed to take her keys away from her. She was in here every other week lately. “I’ll see what I can do,” I added before I went back inside.
By the time lunch had rolled around, I had finished an oil change on Pat’s Jeep, rotated Charlie Vary’s tires, and was going to start on Mrs. Donahue’s car after I had eaten. My head was still pounding after all the alcohol I had consumed last night, but I had managed to dull the ache with enough Tylenol to kill an elephant. I washed the grease and grime from my hands before I took a swig of my water, only to find Zed grinning at me from the front of the garage stall.
“Got a visitor.” His voice sounded way too light. He sounded weird, and I didn’t like it.
I narrowed my eyes. “Who?” If it were Patrick, which I doubted, he would have told me. He knew I was planning to bring his Jeep back with me tonight so there was no need for him to come by. No one had texted me all morning, and I had zero friends other than my brother, so who the hell would bother me at work?
Zed’s lips turned into a smirk. “Pretty brunette. Dressed in a leotard and pink tights.” He chuckled when I scowled harder at him.
I pushed past my boss to find Jillian standing outside the shop, actually dressed in what he said she was. Her chestnut hair piled on top of her head in that tight bun, a pink leotard, a see-through skirt, and matching fucking tights. Jillian had the lean, wiry physique of the dancer from the years of hard work she had put in, and I instantly wanted to put my hands all over her.
Her face lit up the moment she saw me. “I’m sorry for just dropping by unannounced, but I needed to—” Jillian let out a surprised yelp the moment I wrapped my hand around her arm and yanked her inside.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I grunted, pinning her against the wall. “Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?”
“Yes, but—”
I bared my teeth. “Then let me repeat the question, Jills. What are you doing here?” I grabbed her hair in the palm of my hand and yanked her head up. Fear sparkled in her green eyes. This was not the version of me she was used to, but it was the one she was getting.
“I needed to talk to you about the other night.” Her voice shook as she spoke. “I couldn’t leave things the way they were. I’m sorry, Hutch, for what Knox said, and if I upset you.” Jillian licked her lips nervously as she stared up at me, but as my eyes slowly descended, I noticed how her nipples poked through her leotard, and how she pressed her thighs together. Was this turning her on? Did she actually like being manhandled by me?
“That’s the reason you’re here? You know you could have texted me.” I released Jillian’s hair, but slowly dragged the pads of my fingers against her face without even realizing it. “I’m not your boyfriend.”
Jillian’s face fell and she seethed, “Fuck you, Hutch.”
I watched as she ran off without looking back, and once again, my heart felt heavy. The man she just saw, that was who I was before. Before I changed into the mute. I dropped my gaze to my feet when I noticed the brown bag that Jillian must have dropped on the ground in her haste to get away from me. I stopped, picked it up, and opened it to find what looked like two egg salad sandwiches, two apples, and two granola bars inside. She had brought me lunch.
Fuck me.
***
The rest of the weekwent by in a blur. I would work, go home, and drink myself to sleep. Repeat. All week until the weekend rolled around. Normally I worked on Saturday mornings, but since it was the Fourth of July, the shop was closed, and I was stuck at home, alone with my thoughts. I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself, avoiding the crowds of tourists that had rolled in for the holiday, but found myself at the beach watching the fireworks around nine o’clock or something—I had been doing that since I was a kid.
I stared up at the exploding colors above me on the beach. I should be home, in my bed, but it was too quiet there. I didn’t want to be alone with my own thoughts anymore because Jillian would creep in. She had started to appear now, even with the help of alcohol, and I was hoping that maybe the loud fireworks would drown her out for a while. They had helped with so many other things in the past.
Maybe I could fall asleep on the beach, and the ocean could just take me away. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about anything again. The terrible nightmare that my life had become would no longer make me think about putting a bullet into my head. No one would miss me anyway when I was gone.
“I told you to leave me the hell alone! You cheated on me, remember?”
“Come on, you’re no fun. You just need to relax a little, Jill.”
