He nodded, only to raise his eyes to meet mine. “It’s not about me.” His lips turned up into a slight smile before he looked away again.
It was official. Hutch Kelly was the sweetest man to walk the planet.
“One more ride,” I reminded him as I glanced up at the Ferris wheel as it stopped to let on more passengers. There was something about that ride that I loved the most. Maybe it was the fact that you got to go up in the air and look at the stars. It seemed so romantic to me for some reason. Two people cuddled up together without anyone else to bother them.
“Let’s go.” Hutch wiped off his hands with the napkin he had been provided before he stood up.
It was getting late now. Most of the younger kids had left with their parents so the place was now full of couples as it seemed. We waited in line behind one pair that couldn’t seem to keep their hands off one another. I side-eyed Hutch who kept his own eyes pinned to his feet. Again, I wondered what had happened to him to make him the way he was. Was it some sort of PTSD? An accident, maybe?
I nudged his arm so that he had to look at me. “Awkward,” I mouthed, and he broke into a smile that I had never seen before. Heat curled inside my belly as the concession staff seated us inside the ride, closed the door, and made sure the bar was locked in place against our thighs.
Hutch’s leg was pressed against mine inside the tiny car, his hip and broad shoulder even closer, and when I dared look at him again, his back was straighter than an arrow. He looked like he wanted be anywhere than here at this moment. It wasn’t until I saw how tightly he was gripping the bar in front of us that I wondered if he might be having another panic attack. Without a word, I placed my hand over his and felt him relax.
When the ride began to move, Hutch let out a slow, easy breath. “You’re good, Jills.” His voice was raspy as he spoke. “If this ballet thing doesn’t work out for you, you might consider psychiatry,” he teased. Sometimes he surprised me when he said stuff like that. I wondered what he was like before. Before he changed into the man he was now.
“Jills,” I repeated the name he had called me several times tonight. His ears turned pink with embarrassment. “I like it.” I assured him so he didn’t think that I was making fun of him. I never wanted Hutch to think I was making fun of him. Not ever.
Hutch took his free hand and placed it over mine so that it was now sandwiched between his as our car stopped at the top of the ride. “Sometimes”—he looked up into the clear blue night—“I like to stare up into the sky while I’m home just to look up at the stars. It helps me to relax and sleep when nothing else does.” He squeezed my hand lightly. God, when he spoke to me like no one was around, it made me feel so giddy and free.
I turned my gaze up to where he was looking. “It’s beautiful,” I confessed, taking in the beauty of the stars tinkling in the sky.
“Not the most beautiful.”
When I turned to him again, he was watching me with a look I couldn’t quite decipher, and I thought my heart might burst from my chest. His eyes were dark, his face smooth, and for a brief second, I thought he might actually kiss me, but then the ride began to move again. Jesus Christ, what was happening right now? I continued to watch Hutch as the ride slowly descended downward, only to stop again. Neither one of us said anything as we continued to stare at one another. I could get lost in those eyes, I wondered.
“Jillian.” His deep, throaty voice made my pulse quicken. “We need to get off. The ride is over.”
I giggled nervously as Hutch loosened his grip on my hands, but helped me get out of the car safely, then quickly released me the moment I stepped onto the ground. I looked up at him to find him with his eyes angrily narrowed and glaring at something in front us. I turned to find Knox and Madison watching us with amused looks on their faces. I fucking knew it!
“I had a feeling that this is why you broke it off with me, but now, I know for sure,” Knox seethed at me. He swung his arm casually over Madison’s shoulder. “I was trying to figure out if this was an actual date or not, you know, since I saw you two holding hands before you climbed out from the ride, but I’m not sure.” The look on his face was so ugly I couldn’t even stand to look at him. Knox was easily the biggest catch at school with his blond hair, blue eyes, and those dimples that he used to make girls drop their panties for him, but right now, he was doing nothing for me. Those dimples never worked on me, which I’m sure pissed him off.
Madison giggled. “Right? I mean, Jill is dressed as if she might be on one, but Hutch? He’s wearing some ratty old shirt and jeans. My guess would be no.” She pushed her blonde hair behind her shoulder.
“Fuck off,” Hutch grunted, and I knew in that instant I was about to lose him again just like that day on the beach. He was quick to embarrass and just as easily angered. He had already stepped a few inches away from me.
I started to reach for Hutch’s hand, but he took another step away. It was enough to make me feel like he slapped me even though he didn’t touch me. I noticed the smug look on Knox’s face when I looked his way again. “What’s wrong with you?” I questioned. “Why are you two being so mean right now?”
“I’m not being mean, Jill; I’m just trying to make Hutch realize that this, whatever the heck it is, isn’t going to happen. Despite this crazy crush he has on you. You’re here”—he raised his hand up above his head—“while Hutch is down here.” He dropped his hand back down. “It’s actually kind of cute, sure, but think about it. You are going to go off to New York in a couple of months, and Hutch will still be here just like he will be, years later. You’ll meet some rich banker, pop out some kids, and Hutch will still be here by himself, living over his parents’ garage like the fucking loser that that he is.”
Knox wasn’t being funny; he was being downright cruel. I turned toward Hutch only to find he had turned his back to us with his shoulders dropped forward. “Jesus Christ, Knox,” I hissed. “You are such an asshole. I can’t believe I ever dated you.” I pointed my finger at him. “Now, just go!” I cried before I moved toward Hutch, despising to the way Knox and Madison laughed as they walked away.
“Hey.” I was afraid to touch Hutch because I wasn’t sure if he would freak out on me or not. When his head moved at the sound of my voice, I inched closer.
“He’s right,” Hutch mumbled. “About me still being here years from now.”
“Hutch, don’t listen to him.”
“Jillian, think about it.”
I stared at him when he fully turned around. “That’s crazy talk,” I tried to insist, but I saw it in his eyes. He believed everything Knox had said. “What happened—?”
“Don’t.” He shook his head, cutting me off. “That’s not something I’m going to talk about with you. You should go home.” He started walking past me toward the exit of the carnival.
I had to hurry to catch up with him as he ran from me. Did Hutch even tell anyone about what happened to make him like this? He easily maneuvered around the small crowds that were still in the park, and as he rushed down the sidewalk, I wanted to scream at him to wait for me. That I liked him the way he was, and that Knox could go straight to hell, but I knew, deep down, that Hutch wasn’t going to listen to me. He had already made up his mind. I followed him all the way home before he noticed me.
“What?” he snapped at me.
“I didn’t...I couldn’t let it end like this.”
