He deserves so much better than me. He deserves someone who can love him in every capacity, and I can’t do that. Love isn’t for me, at least not in this lifetime.
“Fuck!” I scream out, gripping the steering wheel, shaking my head. Fear and irritation coat my skin, holding me hostage in this car, which feels more like a prison now.
Clint
Listen, if you’re scared it’s okay. You don’t have to come, baby. I understand this was a big ask and I would never want you to do something you don’t feel comfortable with but at least tell me you’re okay.
Please.
Time passes by, and soon I’m watching another flight take off. My phone has stopped pinging with notifications. My eyes look at the time, and it's now fifty minutes after boarding time. His last message flickers in my mind, and my tears blur everything once again.
Please.
Please.
Please.
25
Lou:Their hearts are out there swinging wildly, like clubs in a hurricane.
Chuck:Unpredictable and just a touch dangerous to watch.
Lou:But that’s what keeps it interesting, isn’t it?
Chuck:Absolutely. A little risk makes the reward sweeter.
My eyes land on a focused Paloma. She’s people-watching which gives me the perfect opportunity to watch her. No matter where we are, my gaze drifts to her. The cool breeze ruffles the end of her chin-length curls, her skin chills with goose bumps sweeping across her chest, and a shiver works up her spine as the light wind continues.
“Not enjoying the movie?” I ask as she turns in my direction, catching me admiring her. God, I want to kiss her. My mouth splits as I swipe the tip of my tongue over my bottom lip, trying to remember what she tasted like when she kissed me at Midnight Miso.
“What makes you ask?” Her curiosity outweighs answering the question. It warms me somehow.
“You’ve been looking everywhere else but the screen.”
“I like it, but I don't know. I enjoy the look of everyone so rapt in the movie. Gives me a chance to people watch.” She responds, wiggling hereyebrows in turn. Another chill from the temperature dropping makes her shoulder shake involuntarily. Pulling the blanket from my lap, I wrap it around her shoulders. Her response, only a look of comforted surprise, and that’s all I need.
“Can I ask you a question?” I’m not sure if it will scare her away or not, but I have to know.
“Of course. This is adateafter all.” She chuckles.
“Why did you ask me on a date?” I know it's a simple question, but the look in her eyes tells me otherwise, tells me there’s something deep within those bottomless-brown pools of hers. She may not be running anymore, but hiding seems to be an option.
“I wanted to try,” she begins, turning so she’s facing me. “I don’t know if I’ve ever really known what forever looks like, Clint. But with you, I want to try—if you’ll give me another chance.”
“Dove, all I want to do is try with you. It’s all I can do because I—” I stop myself, for once, very unsure if what I say might scare her away. So instead, I settle for, “You are all I want.”
I couldn’t look away from her earlier and definitely not now, not like I even want to. Paloma’s eyes burn with something I can’t place—fear, hope, maybe both.
“Can I kiss you?” she asks, her voice light as the breeze. “I just—well, after ramen, I didn’t want to assume.”
“Yeah, Dove. You can kiss me.”
“Thank God,” she whispers softly, dropping the blanket from her shoulders.
Her head tilts back, and her lips fall open slightly as she takes in a shuddering breath, like she’s been aching for this as much as I have. My heart is hammering as she turns fully to me and slants her lips over mine.The kiss is gentle and searching until she releases a soft moan, and I can no longer hold myself back.
Sliding one hand to the nape of her neck and the other to her waist, I haul her into my lap. Our kiss deepens into longing, losing the gentleness that was just shared. How could it remain gentle with our past? Not after all these years. Not after this fucking visceral need I have for her. Not aftereverything. Her gasps ignite something deep within my chest, and when she knots her fingers into my shirt I lose all clarity on our surroundings.
