Eventually, when I speak, my voice is hoarse.
“Didn’t you already use a lion nickname? Running out of cats already?”
Jackson chuckles but doesn’t answer me, instead he just holds me while I recollect myself.
When my heart rate and breathing both even out to a normal pace, I pull back from his chest. Looking around I realize we are sitting on the couch in the living room. I half expect to find my brother and Thea close by, only to find we are alone.
“They stayed outside to give you space.” He answers my unspoken question. I shift in his lap, but he doesn’t let up. Instead, he lets me adjust so I’m more comfortably seated, but he still holds me tightly. “Was it the fireworks?”
I nod, swallowing thickly.
“I didn’t even think…” Trailing off, I let my head fall back to his chest. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. One major thing I’ve learned over the last five months with Jackson is that he gets me. Or at least he understands trauma.
He never pushes me to talk about anything I’m not ready to, but always makes sure that I know he’sthere. He might not have gone through the same things I have, but Jackson understands pain.
Sighing, I tilt my head back to look up at him.
“I should go—”
“You don’t have to go anywhere or do anything.” He cuts me off. I don’t think he even notices how his hold tightens on me slightly.
Funny how being held by a man doesn’t trigger me, yet a damn firework does.
Then again, I suspect the reason I’m not set off is simply because the man holding me is Jackson.
“We’ve talked about this. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your reaction or behavior.” Jackson reminds me in a soft tone.
“He’s right.”
My head snaps in toward the sound of my brother’s voice and my face heats. It’s an effort to not scramble out of Jackson’s lap and force the feeling of being caught doing something wrong away.
Clearing my throat, I sit up slightly straighter, ignoring the fact that the movement causes Jackson’s hand that was resting on my thigh to shift to my ass. Before I can say anything, Alan slowly crosses the room, walking like he’s approaching a scared animal. He stops when he’s arm’s length away, keeping his eyes on mine as he extends his hand out and offers me a water bottle.
“I’m sor—” I attempt to say but am once again cut off.
“She better not be apologizing.” Thea states as she walks through the door with a stack of empty plates and the half empty bowl of macaroni salad. I roll my eyes, leaning my back against Jackson’s chest and scowling at them.
“So what if I was?”
Setting the dishes down on the counter, Thea shoots me a playful scowl before heading back out the door, Alan turns away to follow after her. I stare at the door, waiting for them to step back inside, when they do their arms are full of more dishes and I move to finally stand up, feeling like I need to help.
“Nope, not happening.” Jackson says quickly, banding an arm around my waist and holding me to him. “They are two fully grown adults and do not need help bringing in a couple more dishes. Plus, there are still fireworks going on. Let’s wait until Memorial Day to try facing those again.”
I huff in response, but stay in place, slowly sipping my water.
By the time they’ve finished up, I’ve managed to convince Jackson to let me sit next to him, instead of on top of him. Alan joins us in the living room, sitting in the armchair next to the fireplace, while Thea stands awkwardly just inside of the living room. When she meets my gaze next, I offer her a half smile and motion for her to sit on the other couch.
She shakes her head, motioning to the door behind her. “Don’t worry bout’ it. I can head back and let you decompress after…” She trails off with a shrug and I roll my eyes.
“You tellin’ me you don’t want the inside scoop on what’s going on?”
Thea shoots another playful scowl my way.
“Come on now, you know for a fact that I do.” She takes a step forward, her features softening as she holds my gaze. “But not because you feel like you are under some sort of obligation simply because I witnessed a panic attack.”
Jackson leans back in his seat next to me, placing his arm behind me on the back of the couch and attempting to cover his laugh with a cough. I elbow him in the stomach, knowing that he’s finding it amusing that he said something pretty similar to me.
“You’re basically my only friend. The only reason I haven’t told you before tonight is because I was nervous you’d act differently toward me. I don’t need anyone treating me as fragile as an egg or some shit.” I focus on the water bottle in my lap. “Although after reacting to fireworks like that, I can understand why people would.”
