Jackson’s hand falls from the back of the couch to my shoulder and he gently squeezes. When I turn my face toward him, he offers me a small smile.
“Fireworks trigger way more people than you realize. It’s happened to me, a lot of other Veterans, people who have been in a car crash, survivors of shootings, and so many others all deal with similar triggers to their PTSD.” He runs his hand up and down my arm in a soothing motion. “While fireworks are awe inspiring and magical to some, to others they’re reminders of their lowest moment.”
“Plus even when an egg breaks they can be made into a fucking delicious omelet.” Thea states with a shrug. I blink once in response before bursting out into laughter.
Alan drops his head to his hand, scrubbing along his face but failing to hide his amusement. When he looks back toward me, I don’t miss the way his eyes snag on Jackson’s hand, that’s still on my arm. His brows scrunch together but before I can decipher what he’s thinking or feeling, he shakes his head. Gripping the back of his neck, he lets out a long breath but his body remains tense.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him, because there is no way he is this tense from me having a panic attack. He shakes his head again, refusing to look at me.
Maybe it is me?
“I’m sorry if I upset —” I start to say, but he cuts me off with a shake of his head.
“You didn’t. That’s not what’s…” Alan trails off.
Sitting back, I raise a brow at him even though he refuses to face me. Deciding to back off for a few minutes, I switch my attention to Thea.
I had been talking with Doctor Davis about maybe opening up to Thea about some stuff. After our girls night out, I started realizing how much her friendship truly means to me. When I told Doctor Davis that I was simply nervous she would treat me differently, she pointed out how open Thea had been when we went out to the bar.
This was just part of moving on and starting over. I could either close myself off, never letting anyone in again or I could trust my new friend with the truth.
“Five months ago, I texted my brother asking for help, packed two bags, and tried to leave my husband after a year of physical abuse. But he came home early.” I close my eyes, dropping my head back and not bothering to move when it lands on Jackson’s arm. “You saw me just after I got here and that was what he had to say about me leaving.Thatwas the worst he had ever done and if it weren’t for Alan showing up, it might have been the last thing he ever did to me.”
The room is silent. It’s nothing Alan didn’t witness firsthand and Jackson heard all of this a few months ago after my girls night with Thea. Sighing, I brace myself for Thea’s reaction.
It’s been years since I’ve had a friend and even though she saw me right after I got away, nerves dance in my stomach at the idea of Thea seeing me differently. Since the day we met, she’s treated me as if nothing was wrong. Even when I know I looked as if I had taken a trip through a meat grinder.
But when I finally turn to Thea, whatever I was going to say gets caught in my throat.
Her jaw is clenched, her nostrils flare while her shoulders rise and fall quickly. Thea looks murderous.
“How long did the fucker get put away for?” Her question catches me off guard, not at all what I expected from her. My mouth opens and closes a couple times before I give up and shake my head. Alan has kept me as updated, but there isn’t much that’s changed. Zack still hasn’t been seen, so there’s been no progress in the case. Thea gapes at me before schooling her features and raising a brow toward my brother.
“That’s what I was figuring out how to say without feeling like I’m piling shit on top of you.” Alan lets out a long sigh before finally making eye contact with me. “There hasn’t been a single sighting of him. They suspect he’s hiding with his family, but they haven’t been able to search the properties.”
“Is there a restraining order of some kind in place?” Thea asks without missing a beat. From the corner of my eye, I catch Alan nodding along with me. Her lips pierce for a moment before she continues. “Have you filed for divorce yet?”
Jackson goes still beside me, and it takes all my effort to focus on answering her.
“A restraining order was placed when I was in the hospital. But the police haven’t found him so nothing else has been done.”
“You could always file for a dissolution of marriage. Have them attempt to deliver the papers to wherever the police believe he is hiding out,” Thea states. “I imagine his family will deny he’s there, but they can substitute deliver it to his lawyer or parents. Based on his escalation when you tried to leave him, he’ll slip up trying to find—”
“You want to use her as bait?” Jackson asks through clenched teeth next to me.
“None of the paperwork will saywhereshe is so—”
“No.” Jackson cuts Thea off.
“Jack, if they can’t find him, it means he’s buying his time, probably waiting for her to think it’s safe to come back. Legally, she’s still married to him, she is tied to him whether she likes it or not.” She looks at me again. “He has the upper hand right now, thinking he still has control over you.”
I shake my head, wanting to deny her statement but knowing she’s not wrong. He does still have a hold on me, mentally and physically. He plagues my dreams and makes it so that even a firework can ruin a night of fun. The lingering pain above my eye where the scar remains and the ache in my ribs still flares to life if I sit wrong. He made me leave the city I was raised in.
Even if I have come to love where I am, it doesn’t change what he took from me.
“No, she’s been through enough and doesn’t need to put herself out there like this.” Jackson states, his hand on my arm pulls me slightly closer to him, something I don’t think he notices he’s done. I turn to him trying to figure out why he’s reacting this way, but also knowing one thing.
“That’s not up to you.” I whisper to him. He opens his mouth but closes it quickly, re-thinking whatever he was going to say. After a moment, his thumb starts tracing small circles on my arm and he sighs.
