They would, however, stop the double vision. The neurologist had said so, anyway.“But you might experience trouble sleeping,”she’d followed up regretfully.
Like that was the extent of the hellscape I found myself in.
When I felt steady enough, I slowly climbed the rest of the stairs with Josh’s help and shuffled into the bedroom. With a heavy sigh, I sat on the edge of the mattress, mussing the perfectly made duvet.
Josh leaned against the doorframe. The wood creaked under the weight of the guilt twisting his symmetrical face, cast in deep shadow.
“Well? Where were you?” I asked, already tired of this conversation.
Josh pinched his brow and sighed, shaking his head. “Reece…”
That was answer enough.
I already knew—before I left for the conference. Before I ended up in the hospital. Before my entire future imploded—scattered in the wind by a diagnosis I still hadn’t even begun to wrap my head around.
I’d suspected he was having sex, and maybe a relationship, with someone else for a few weeks. Lying awake in the dark, staring up at the ceiling while he slept soundly next to me, I’d seethed that it was never actually the ones who did somethingwrong that struggled to sleep—it was the rest of us, left to deal with the fallout.
Imaginary scenarios fueled by resentment and rage played like a movie in my head.
I’d shake him awake, confront him, and make him confess. I’d eviscerate him with my words, watch the sharp rebuttal die on his tongue, and kick him out of our home in the middle of the night—myhome, he’d moved in with me after I bought the place, goddammit. I’d feel so smug and self-satisfied as I slammed the door in his face.
I never actually did any of it.
Instead, I’d ignored the signs—the showers after he returned fromrunning errands, taking his phone into the bathroom with him so I wouldn’t be able to snoop through his texts. The updated password when I finally had sneaked a hold of his phone. The fact that I couldn’t remember the last time he asked me to fuck him, and that he rebuffed me anytime I felt inclined, which was seldom.
Maybe that was what Josh meant when he said my timing was always shit—I pushed now, but I hadn’t then.
Had he wanted me to? Would he have preferred it if I fought for him? Begged him to stop sleeping around and stay loyal to me? Promised I’d be a better man, a happier person, a more attentive boyfriend, if only he’d stop letting the guy he met God knows where stick his dick inside him?
Truthfully, I wasn’t ready to know, then. I wasn’t prepared for how disruptive a breakup would be to my life.
I was self-aware enough to recognize how unfair that was—to know we were a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, postponing the inevitable only for when I was ready for the explosion.
It’s also unfair to fuck other people when we were meant to be in a committed relationship.
Well, yeah. There was that.
“How’d you meet him?” I asked dryly, genuinely curious.
Another sigh. “We work together.”
The confirmation made me feel nothing. Empty.Huh. “Wait, was he that blonde who eye-fucked you all night at the holiday party? What was his name? Brad? Brett?”
“Brock. And yes, that’s him.”
I snorted. Brock. My boyfriend of a year and a half cheated on me with a guy namedBrock? Had my life suddenly transformed into a season ofThe Young and the Restless?
Although, in my defense, Ihadpushed a little, then. Not in front of the guy—I wasn’t that thick, as Josh liked to call me.
My big, chubby, forest man, he used to say.
I couldn’t remember if I’d ever liked the endearment. Actually, I wasn’t sure it’d ever really been one, coming from him.
Ihadliked reminding him I had three degrees—one more than him. He may be the fancy Range Rover-driving corporate lawyer who fucked guys at work named Brock and judged my Great Clips haircut, but people called me Doctor West.
Not the kind that was any help on a plane, though. Only the kind that knew too much about trees.
No, I’d waited until after the party to question the heated looks between them. But Josh had dismissed it, so I did to. I’d never understood the point in worrying over whether someone would steal my partner. If they wanted to go, then I didn’t want to be with them anymore, simple as that.
