I nod. “Every single day. I want to be with her.”
Pleased with my answer, she leads me down the hallway. “Be patient, let her talk, be clear about your intentions, and I know you two like to play games, but this isn’t a game. She’s scared, and she needs to know that you’re serious. And most importantly, don’t make promises you can’t keep. She doesn’t deserve that.”
She stops abruptly outside of what I assume is Mallory’s bedroom door and awkwardly pats my shoulder. “Good luck, Kenneth.”
Once she’s gone, I gather the courage to push open the door and step inside the spacious room. My eyes scan the walls briefly before landing on the bed. Her pale purple comforter is wrapped around her body like a cocoon.
Closing the door, I take a steadying breath. “Hi, Eddie.”
A groan leaks from beneath the comforter. “Son of abitch! I’m not even safe in my own bed.”
I’m not sure what that means, but her dramatics pull at the corner of my lips effortlessly.
“I know you asked for a rain check, but I wanted to check on you. I didn’t mean to push you last night, but it’s clear that I did, and I’m sorry. I had been thinking about kissing you for a really long time.”
Two years and eight months to be exact.
“Why are you sorry?” She sniffles. “I’m the one who kissed you.”
I wish she would stop hiding her face so I can read her and know exactly what’s going on in that complex, beautiful brain of hers. Is it doubt? Worry? Fear? How can I fix it if I don’t know?
“Do you want to eat lunch? We could talk after—”
“Not hungry,” she says a little too quickly.
“Okay.” I glance around the room. “Do you want me to leave, Ed? I don’t want to push you—”
“No!” Mallory bolts up, finally letting me see her beautiful face. It’s definitely worry creased into her forehead.
“Okay,” I say, taking a seat at her desk.
She looks down at her hands and picks nervously at her nails. “I want to tell you something, and there’s a chance it might not make sense. Just please hear me out before making a decision.”
“Of course. What is it?”
She sighs. “I need a copilot.”
A what?
As if reading my mind, she continues. “A copilot is the person who will be my partner. My teammate. As independent as I am, I’m human, and there are days I need someone I can trust to lean on. It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, and there will be times when there are more bad days than good days. Sometimes that goes on for months.”
“Isn’t that normal for everyone?” I ask with a smile.
“Yes,” she almost laughs, “but I don’t want it to happen again. To be smothered or treated as a burden. I care about you, and you deserve a burden-free life. Someone you don’t need to worry about. Someone easy and fun. Anything with me won’t be that.”
“A burden-free life? Eddie, life will never be easy. I didn’t have an easy life before you, and I don’t expect one with you either. Living with diabetes doesn’t make you any more difficult of a person or partner.”
Her eyes are filled with worry when she looks at me. “I know that, but what happens if you decide this is too much? I’m too much. Do we go back to how we were before? Become strangers? Never speak again?”
“None of the above, because that won’t happen. My days aren’t complete if you’re not a part of them.” I wish I could hold her hand, press it against my chest, and promise her the world, but I know that won’t help. “I want to be there for you like you are for me. Like you are for everyone in your life. Everything that comes with you, I want to be part of.”
“You make it sound so easy.” She turns away from me to look at the wall. “Your optimism and hopefulness could be nothing more than a fleeting emotion.”
I try not to take her words personally. Mallory’s distrust and fears aren’t about me. They’re about the pain she has experienced. The things she has gone through have shaped her life in ways I’ll never be able to understand. As a realist, she clings to the most probable scenario, which is that I’ll be the same as those who have hurt her, so I stick to the truth.
“Okay,” I concede. “These things take time, so take all the time you need. We can go as slow as you want. You’re the one in control here.”
“I’m always in control,” she jokes. “Being a partner to someone with a chronic condition isn’t a walk in the park, you know?”
