“Oh god, I can’t handle this right now. Let me go back to sleep.”
“No! You’re basing this belief off one failed relationship with someone you don’t care about and your relationship with your mom, which has improved drastically. You are allowed to trust and be happy, Mally. The person for you is going to stand by your side on the good, the bad, and the ugly days. They’re going to be the copilot that you deserve.”
“But I don’t want another copilot!Youare my copilot.”
“Duh, babe. I’m your best friend, and I’ll always be your copilot. However, do you think the guy you’re attempting to bail on would be a good copilot?”
I want to nod so badly. Kenneth would be an incredible copilot. Over the last few months, he has shown up for me in ways that opened my heart and mind to the possibility of a relationship. In many ways we’re still the same, competitive and full of life, but now my heart is involved which scares the shit out of me.
“What if he messes up, Shay? Worse than letting me run home and not paying attention. An apology can only go so far.”
Shay crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed. “Do you remember our first fight after your diagnosis?”
I shake my head. I have a great memory, so why don’t I remember this?
“You were at a party with some friends from class, and I got a notification that your blood sugar was super high. I freaked out. I blew up your phone, got dressed, and was about to drive myself to the party to get answers. Minutes later you got home, and I lost it on you.”
It all comes rushing back to me. Our worst fight to date.
“You told me if I wasn’t going to take this seriously, I needed to find a new copilot.”
She winces as if the memory is painful. “Yeah. You tried so hard to explain, and I wouldn’t listen. I let my worry dictate that conversation, and it could’ve ruined us. With the way I acted, I would’ve understood if you never wanted to talk to me again.”
“Damn,” I mutter, tears pricking my eyes. “How did I forget that?”
“Because you love me. I apologized like crazy, and the next day we sat down to set rules and discuss how we should approach each other.”
I finally get where she’s going with this.
“We wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for the problem and the conversation that followed,” I say.
“Exactly. You can’t expect Kenneth to know how to be your copilot without talking, creating plans, and setting boundaries. Just like you did with me. Just like you did with your mom. There’s a great guy asking you for a real chance.” Pressing our foreheads together, she sighs. “You know I love you big, but you’re overthinking this.”
“I love you big, and I’m always overthinking.”
As the door closes behind her, I roll over and stare at the text Kenneth sent this morning. It’s a photo Karla took of us last night. His hand rests on my lower back, holding me steady as I laugh at whatever hilarious thing Nan said about Theo.
Kenneth’s eyes are on me though, filled with the same adoration I’m sure I look at him with.
Cuddling my pillow, I send off a quick text and let my phone fall to the ground. Here in my bed, I can’t fall harder for the one person I was never supposed to have.
Here in my bed, I can’t get smothered or be a burden.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Showing up on Mallory’sdoorstep with a bag of Chinese food is a risk, but it’s one I’m willing to take.
After asking for a rain check on our date, she hasn’t answered a single message. I meant it when I said I would do anything to make her happy, and if that’s leaving her alone forever, so be it. I just need to hear it from her.
After my fifth knock, the door swings open.
“Dammit,” Shay mutters. “I’m going to strangle her.”
I walk into the house, but I don’t see Mallory. Cade’s long limbs are sprawled across the couch, with his locs laying messily down his forehead. “Hey, Kent,” he says. “Look at you showing up to get your girl. Did you bring me lunch too?”
I flip him my middle finger and drop the bag of food onto the kitchen table before turning back to the person who knows Mallory better than anyone. “Got any advice for me?”
Shay bites her fingernail, dropping her voice to a whisper. “Listen, I’m really glad you’re here, but I need to know that you’re not just putting in effort for now. You’re going to continue showing up for her, right?”
