I feel a sharp pain in my chest, remembering that I don’t know any of these people anymore. When I left home at seventeen without a backward glance, I left everyone behind, except for Momma. I should be alone in this room, no one here fussing over me or waiting to find out if I’m okay, but they’re all here, waiting for me to wake up.
“What the fuck was that for, Alise?” Cooper rubs the back of his head where she smacked him, jumping to his feet and glaring down at her.
“Ramona loves you too much to knock some sense into your dumb ass,” she quips, wrapping her arms around the woman who was here with Cooper when I woke up, and planting a wet kiss on her cheek.
A laugh bubbles up my throat, but I swallow it down. I’m not ready for them to know I’m awake. I prefer to hear what people are really thinking, and the best way to do that is when no one knows you’re paying attention. It’s how I discovered my team and management's true feelings about me. They loved me when I was winning for them, but the minute I didn't bring them what they wanted, I was expendable.
“She’s not wrong.” Ramona giggles, giving Alise a quick squeeze before dropping into an empty seat beside her, quickly followed by Alise plopping onto her lap. “Cooper, sit down before you give yourself a heart attack.”
“Yes,Mom,” Cooper growls, plopping down into the seat and turning to face the window again. His entire body vibrates in the seat, his knee bouncing up and down in annoyance. “I’m going to make him pay for what he did to Cole. I don’t give a shit how sorry he is, Beauty. He’s lucky I didn’t kill him right there on the ice.”
“You and me both.” Beau strolls into the room, coming to a stop directly in front of Cooper. Those two stare at each other, having a silent conversation like they always did when we were younger. Those two have a bond with each other, different from the rest of us in the family. Something I longed for when I was younger, but now I see it for what it truly is.
Beau smirks slightly, squeezing Cooper’s shoulder before giving Alise a noogie and bending to plant a kiss on the top of Ramona’s head. “At least he won’t be setting foot on the ice again anytime soon.”
“The news report also said he was being charged with criminal assault.”
I’m assuming the “he” they’re referring to is Leon. I wish I could feel sorry for him, but I can’t even muster enough energy to care. Sucker punching someone is one thing, but ruining your teammate’s career is another. If things are as bad for me as Cooper alluded to, I can kiss any chance of playing hockey again anytime soon out the window. Who does Leon fucking think he is?
Todd Bertuzzi almost lost his entire career for doing something similar to another player a little over ten years ago, but this is worse. I wasn’t a player on another team he had beef with. I was his own teammate. Leon is supposed to be someone I could trust to have my back when shit hits the fan on the ice, instead he was the one that I should’ve watching out for.
“Good. He should be thrown in jail for what he did,” Ramona chimes in, shoving Alise off her lap before pushing to her feet and plopping down on Cooper’s.
“He should, but we all know that won’t happen. He’ll probably get community service and probation.” Alise takes the now-empty seat, her eyes locking with mine as the corner of her mouth pulls upward. “Hopefully, they at least don’t allow him back on the ice.”
For a group of people who are supposed to be focused on how I’m doing, Alise is the only one who has bothered to even look in my direction. I’d shake my head in disgust if I could, but I have no desire to vomit again. Instead, I bring my finger to my lips, signaling for her to keep quiet, and she winks.
We used to love listening in on everyone’s conversation, finding out their deepest secrets. We never used them for anything, but there’s nothing wrong with knowing things about those around you. Everyone would call us the nosy twins back then. We never meant any harm. Alise and I just saw it as a way to always know what the grown-ups and my older brothers were doing. A way for us to weasel our way into their plans when Cooper and Beau went out of their way to keep us from tagging along.
Even now, I listen quietly to those around me. Always ready for the whispers and secrets they speak into existence when they think no one is listening, because knowledge is power. The more you know about those around you, the easier it is to use that information to your advantage. Okay, that last part is a lesson I learned the hard way, but it's still applicable.
“Know anyone connected?” Beau asks, causing all of them to laugh loudly.
Leave it to Beau to diffuse a tense situation. I take a moment to look at my older brother. We’ve kept in touch since I left home, much to my chagrin. I skirted his calls and texts for a few months, but when he showed up in Boise, demanding to see me during one of our practices, I had no other choice. He’s been a pain in my ass ever since, forcing me to have dinner together when we are in the same place, as well as weekly phone calls. Not to mention all the random texts he likes to send me that I rarely ever open. I wish Beau would understand that all I wanted when I left Redwood Falls was a clean slate. Too bad for me, I got nothing of the sort.
My jaw clenches tightly shut as memories filter through my mind like a movie reel. I thought I was making a name for myself, carving a path through the world that had nothing to do with anything but my hard work. I was delusional to believe that I could be given anything based on the merit of my actions. The only thing any of them have ever cared about is my last name getting closer to Cooper and Beau.
The sound of Alise’s snarky retort brings me back to the present. “No, but I might know a guy who knows a guy.”
“Smartass,” Beau responds, causing everyone, including me, to chuckle softly.
You’d think, being the last one to arrive, Beau wouldn’t look so worse for wear. Instead, he looks just as bad, if not worse, than our older brother, but at least he looks like he’s showered recently. Beau is a walking Nike ad, with his hair tucked underneath a backward baseball cap, a large black Nike sweatshirt, and matching sweatpants and sneakers to finish the look.
Alise smiles at him before whispering softly, “You love me.”
Her entire body freezes as her eyes widen in surprise. Now I can’t be the only one in this room who knows how these two felt about each other when we were younger. Judging by the look of terror in her eyes as she looks at him, I have a feeling that those feelings haven’t changed much since I left home.
Alise and Beau stare at each other, the tension thick between them, before he looks away and changes the subject. “How’s our boy doing, anyway?”
“Why don’t you ask him?” Alise motions toward my bed as everyone’s attention snaps in my direction.
“How are you doing, Cole?” Beau asks, turning toward me.
To anyone else, he looks the picture of ease as he takes a seat on the small windowsill, crossing his ankles. But I know better. I can see the muscles in his arms straining as he opens and closes his hands into fists, his eyes quickly shifting between me and Alise.
I know that look. It isn’t the first time he’s looked at me like that. Beau is waiting for me to lose my temper. To lash out at everyone around me because that’s been my normal for the last few years. It’s why I can’t be near them. Why I can’t spend more than a few hours with my mom when I’m in town for a game. The anger at what they’ve done, what they took away from me, is all-consuming.
“I’ve been better, but I’d really like to know what the fuck you’re all doing here,” I growl, wanting to take the words back, but knowing I can’t because I mean every word.
