“Stars, Sai. This is amazing.”
“Right? I knew you’d love it.”
“Tell me, what is this?” I raised my spoon, which held a small white square of something buttery and delectable.
Studying the object with a deeply furrowed brow, he said, “I think it’s cheese. But I’m not sure.”
I popped the probably-cheese into my mouth. “Well, it’s phenomenal. And this”—I raised my glass—“is the best lemonade in the entire KU.”
He beamed. “I made that. I made the lemonade.”
Pride radiated from him like starlight. His expression, his smile, his unbridled joy, I’d seen it before, so many times it was stamped onto my mind like a footprint. And yet, somehow, I’d forgotten it. How could I have forgotten that? How could I have forgotten one single thing about Jonathan?Stars save me, what else had I forgotten? What else was hiding from my mind and my heart, only waiting to resurface when the universe randomly chose to remind me?
I set down my spoon, my hands suddenly trembling, mythroat spasming. I closed my eyes, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t catch my breath, couldn’t slow my racing heart.
“Are you okay?” Sai asked. “Is it the lemonade? Is it too sweet? My moms always say I make it too sweet. But I can’t help it. I just like it better that way. I’m sorry if you don’t like it. I can get you something else. NearMilk? VitoWater?”
This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have agreed to watch him. I knew it would be too much. My mouth went dry and my fingers tingled as white light crowded the edges of my vision. Next came the dizziness, the nausea, the buzzing sensation vibrating behind my forehead, into my chest, my legs.
“I’m fine, Sai,” I managed, sliding off my stool. “I just ate too quickly. Please excuse me. I’ll only be a minute.”
Not wanting to scare him, I did everything I could to walk calmly to the bathroom. Closing the door, I flipped down the toilet seat cover, sat, and bent forward, squeezing my head between my knees. “You’re all right. You’re all right. You’re all right,” I whispered, chanting it, trying to make it true. But I was not all right. I would never be all right. Maybe if I could breathe, if I could get to one of the ship’s sensory rooms and drown everything else out. Maybe if I could at least cry, just once, even a single tear?—
His voice in my head sent me reeling. I rocked back, grasping the edges of the toilet, clinging to the sensation of the cool porcelain underneath my numb fingertips.
he asked, suddenly stern, serious as death.
He hummed over the comm. His voice was quiet and slow, serene. It settled over my mind like a heavy blanket.
At least I hoped I wouldn’t.
There was a brief silence.
I replied, coaxing small sips of air into my lungs. A moment passed, and then another. Too much silence. I asked, my panic spiking.
I managed, struggling to focus on his centering voice rather than my heart’s insistence on bruising my ribs.
Freddie continued,
Carefully pushing myself upright, the dizziness and tingling ebbing a fraction, I commed,
he said brightly, and impossibly, my lips curled up at the corners.
