Rock Giant curled his fingers into fists. Ronnie crowded in on the opposite side, so that she was sandwiched between two walls of damp cotton and testosterone.
“All of this is my fault. If I didn’t have the shittiest family in history. If I hadn’t pushed and prodded him… been so fucking demanding and stubborn… He’d still be here. You’d all still be doing your thing.”
“Are you the one who hit him with that pipe?” Xane’s question cut through the chatter. She hadn’t noticed him come back in.
“No, of course not.”
He hunched down before her so that their heads were on a level. He’d washed away the paint he used on stage, but his eyes still bore traces of kohl. The shadows in his eyes were hard to look at. She focused on the veil of his black hair instead.
“Then you’re not the one who caused this. I don’t think any single person or event caused this. It’s older and far fouler than you. Sure, we’ve all made contributions, but—”
“My brother… Marsh—”
“Your brother is a prize git, but he’s only one contributing factor. There are a multitude of others. Spook was ready to run before we even left Sweden. He was a ticking time bomb. I thought I’d defused things, but really all I did was deal with the decoy. We’re none of us guilt free, Alle, but we’re none of us entirely responsible either. You didn’t do this. Marshall didn’t do this, leastways, not single-handedly. I’m not sure he was even the final straw. I think we all know what that was.”
“If Marshall hadn’t posted that damn article—”
Xane pushed up to his full height, forcing her to look up at him. “He’s not the only one at fault, Alle. There’s his ex, the family, and society that didn’t protect him, the counsellors that failed to support him, the armies of internet trolls. Me. He’d have been living quietly somewhere for the last decade if it wasn’t for me. And don’t forget, I’m the one who let him slip away. I was the one with him at the hospital. The one who should have known better than to leave him alone.”
“Xane.” Luthor put a hand on his lover’s shoulder. “You’re not responsible either.”
“And then there’s the cunt who beat him to a pulp…”
Alle stood. Whenever they discussed this there was always a point where it felt like Xane was, if not directly accusing her, then testing her out like he didn’t trust her and expected her to blurt out some sort of confession. A bit like she always felt he was holding out on her too.
“Where is he?” she asked.
Xane rubbed his brow with the heel of his hand. “I don’t know, Alle. It hurts that you feel you need to keep asking.”
He sounded tired, but unforgivably calm. She’d intended it as a plea rather than a demand but couldn’t bring herself to spit out an apology, not when he seemed so together in comparison to her.
“I keep asking because I hope you’ll give me the answer, and… and I can’t quite convince myself that you’re not lying to me. Are you lying to me? To us? Xane.”
“He doesn’t know—” Rock Giant began, standing too, and raising a hand between them.
Xane pushed his arm aside. “Nothing I’ve said to you has been a lie, Alle. I’ve not seen or heard from him, the same as you haven’t. We’ve not texted, messaged, emailed, or Zoomed. There’ve been no carrier pigeons. I’m as in the dark as you are to his whereabouts.”
Was that the honest truth?
Had months of frustration simply rendered her overly suspicious?
“Show me your phone.” She held out her hand.
“Really?” Luthor brought his hands to his blond head, then turned away muttering.
“Really,” Alle insisted.
Xane clapped it into her palm.
“Pin.”
He reached over and unlocked the screen. Then watched her with his lips pursed as she scrolled through WhatsApp and Messenger, strings of texts and dozens of emails. Much of it was way too personal to linger over. There was no evidence he had any tracking apps installed, or that he’d made any unexplainable hotel bookings or cottage rentals. No random people in his contacts that might be aliases. Heaviness seeped into her bones. The truth was that there was nothing to suggest he was in contact with Spook. He was as blind as she was. Sheepishly, she handed his phone back. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
But it wasn’t. Not really. It was an invasion. “Paul,” she said, her voice stripped down to a whisper. “Would you take me home, please?”
He immediately grabbed his jacket. “No trouble.” He wrapped an arm around her back. “Let’s get out of here.”
