My dad pushed to his feet. “Samuel, when you’re done talking with Dane, I encourage you to see Layla. Damon will need to move her body out of the infirmary before the morning.”
My stomach roiled with sickening dread as the wordsmove her bodystole the air from my lungs with such devastating force that my heart stopped cold for a split second. Her lifeless body. That alone filled my veins with icy sorrow that numbed my entire being. I would never come to terms with the gravity of her death.
“Why don’t we go see her together?” Dane offered.
My father nodded. “I’m here to watch my grandkids. Jo, Agnes, and others will be taking shifts to help take care of Ellie, Rorie, Luna, and Orion.”
Fuck. My children. I was relieved that they were too young to comprehend how serious our circumstances were. At the same time, grief churned in my gut as I thought about them having to grow up without their mother like Jo and I did. I never had the opportunity to remember what it was like to have a mother—she was gone by the time I was old enough to recall. No child should have to go without a mother's love, yet this was the path my little ones were now facing.
“I need a minute,” I said. “Dane, I’ll meet you in the family room.”
I stumbled from the bed and staggered into the bathroom, clutching my abdomen as I gasped for air. It had been ages since I'd thrown up, but I was about to do just that.
I stepped up to the sink and propped my hands onto the counter, gazing at my reflection in the mirror. The person looking back at me was unrecognizable. My green eyes were cloudy and bloodshot. My beard had grown in, my face was ashen, and my lips were cracked and chapped.
“You have to pull yourself together for the sake of your kids, dude,” I said aloud.
I wasn’t sure I could. I also didn’t want to see Layla’s lifeless body or say my goodbyes. If I did, that meant she wasn’t coming back. That meant her death was real.
I stuck my face under the faucet and let the cold water run over me. When I lifted my head, a wave of nausea washed over me. I ran to the toilet and hurled out whatever was left in my stomach. After washing up and changing out of my sweat-soaked uniform, I gave myself a pep talk before meeting Dane in the family room. But no amount of encouragement or positive words would erase my grief, and they sure as fuck wouldn’t bring Layla back.
Nevertheless, I bypassed the nursery. I couldn’t see my kids. If I did, I would lose my shit, and right now I needed the nerve and the strength to say goodbye to their mother.
Minutes after leaving the apartment, silence hung over Dane and me as we traveled the hallways to the infirmary. Our steps kept time with each other’s, two alphas in perfect synchronization, both of us mourning the loss of a loved one—bonding us in grief.
“Sam, I want to apologize to you.” His deep baritone voice echoed in the hall.
I gave him a sidelong glance. “For what?”
“I blamed you for Ross’s death, and I shouldn’t have. I was distraught and fucking pissed after I got the pic of his severed head. My rage is targeted at Adam Emery, not you.”
“I know, man.” At the mention of Adam’s name, anger seeped into my veins. Maybe I needed to focus on revenge, because as I pictured Adam’s death, that soul-crushing pain I’d been feeling waned for the moment. “We’re killing that motherfucker together. First, we’re going to torture him until he’s begging for his life. Then you can have him for dinner. You deserve the final blow.”
He chuckled. “I like the sound of that. But what about your vampire laws and your motto to protect humanity?”
“Killing him will protect humanity.” If Adam lived, he would continue to murder humans in his quest for the perfect supernatural soldier. We had to remove the virus so it didn’t spread.
“By the way, I know your team is looking for that asshole, but Cooper is too. If we find Adam before your team does, you’ll be my first call. Also, your father is forming a group of leaders from the various packs and covens to join forces in deciding how we can blend in with humans. I originally said no, but I changed my mind.”
I’d forgotten that my dad wanted me to talk to Dane about that very thing. Regardless, I was happy to know that he and I were on the same page when it came to Adam.
That feeling of dread blossomed once again like a field of poisonous weeds as the double doors to the infirmary came into view, and my pulse pounded harder with each step as we drew closer.
“I’m gutted over Layla,” Dane said. “And if you need me to hold your hand, I will.”
I cocked an eyebrow at the alpha. “You would literally hold my hand?”
He gave me a cheeky grin. “For Layla, I would.”
He just might have to—but I doubted I could see her. I wanted to remember her beautiful smile and gorgeous face and not the sight of her wounded and bloody.
Doc jerked his head up from his microscope in the distance when Dane and I entered. “Sam.”
He skirted around the lab bench and marched down the center aisle. Specks of red or probably blood dotted his white lab coat. His brown hair was messy, as if he’d come in from a windstorm. It was on a rare occasion that Doc appeared frazzled and unsettled.
He touched his chest. “Please forgive me. It’s all my fault that Layla died. I’m beside myself. If I had known Rianne’s abilities had grown stronger in a matter of a week since Peter last tested her, I would’ve never given my approval to have her brought to the infirmary. I’m sick to my stomach.”
I didn’t have the bandwidth to process his confession nor soothe his feelings. Could I blame him for what happened? Not at all. Dr. Damon Vieira would never do anything to jeopardize anyone’s life. He cared about his patients, friends and foes—supernaturals and humans. He was only trying to help a patient having a seizure. He’d done the same when Carly had hers. But he also believed in science and the importance of understanding the genetics behind these manufactured creatures so that maybe we could find a way to reverse the transformation or find an antidote to block the change altogether. Regardless, none of that erased my grief and probably never would.
