“We’re in the city of looove,” she says, drawing out the word. She uses our joined hands to pull herself closer to me so our whole arms are touching. “Shouldn’t we embrace the romance that’s surrounding us?”
I laugh. Unsure how the fuck to respond to that. “Um… sure?” I finally answer, sounding like I’m asking another question.
“Come on, don’t overthink it, honey. What happens in Paris stays in Paris,” she says while laughing as well.
What the fuck does that even mean?What exactly is happening in Paris that would need to stay in Paris?
“Oh look! We’re almost there,” she says, coming to a complete stop on the sidewalk, effectively halting me as well. She lays her head on my shoulder and lets out a deep sigh. “It’s gorgeous.”
It really is. We’ve arrived as the lights are twinkling, and everyone around us seems just as mesmerized as we are, frozen in place to enjoy the scene. Seeing the Eiffel tower in person is surreal, especially when I had no idea we would be doing any of this until last week. “Thanks for bringing me, for planning this whole thing. It’s been the best week of my life,” I say, leaning my head against hers.
After another moment, she straightens back up to smile at me before agreeing. “Me too. Now come on, we don’t want to be late for our date,” she says with a wink, tugging us back in motion toward the famous monument.
Once inside, we’re seated right up against the window overlooking the Seine, and the lit up city stretches out in every direction. We’re greeted with glasses of champagne, one of my very favorite drinks. “To the best date I’ve ever been on,” I teasingly toast.
But Sage lights up, agreeing with me as she clinks herglass with mine. “To the best date ever.” We have more wine with dinner, along with some of the most delicious food I’ve ever eaten.
Sage holds my hand again as we exit the restaurant and head back out into the chilly night, and she moves to link our arms together instead, huddling together for warmth. “I wish we were still allowed to put a lock on the Love Lock bridge.” Sage sighs as we cross over the river.
“Isn’t that meant to be a thing couples did to symbolize their eternal love?” I question with a laugh. “We aren’t a couple.”
“But we’ll always love each other,” she points out confidently.
“That’s true,” I admit, forcing the words past the lump in my throat.
I’m worried about just how true that statement might be. It hasn’t mattered how many women I’ve hooked up with over the last few years, chasing some connection that would surpass the way I feel about Sage. I’ve never seriously considered more with any of them. I’ve tried to convince myself that my feelings for her were harmless, that they didn’t matter when I know how one-sided they are.
But I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. Because as I meet Sage’s bright green gaze, so full of joy, all I feel is a deep ache in my chest—the heartbroken longing that I’m worried will never dim and only seems to worsen with every amazing day we share.
Every moment I spend with this perfect woman is bittersweet.It’s tainted by the fact that if Sage could ever truly love me—not in the best friend kind of way she’s talking about now—but actually bein lovewith me, then I would be the happiest person in the world.
But she isn’t, and she never will be.
By spending every possible moment that I can with her, I’m only setting myself up for further devastation. I need to pull back. This might have been the best week of my life, full of that intangible sense of magic, wonder, and love that I’m always chasing. It’s been perfect in a way that I never dreamed of experiencing, but fairy tales aren’t real. Those dates weren’t real. And I’ll never be able to move on from Sage if I’m constantly near her. I’m not strong enough to create any sort of emotional distance if she’s there with me physically.
I try to hide my inner turmoil as we make our way back to our hotel and get ready for bed. When Sage is in the bathroom, I gather all my courage and pull out my phone to text Sarah, the family friend who we went to events with all week.
Aspen
Hey Sarah, thanks for such a fantastic week! You mentioned there might be an opening for an internship at Trend working on the magazine this summer. I’d love to send my portfolio or fill out an application!
I almost put my phone away, not expecting to hear back from her tonight, if I do at all, when my phone vibrates.
Sarah
What’s your email? I’ll have my assistant send over the details. I loved the sketches you showed me and Sage sent about a hundred other pieces you’ve made. You definitely belong in New York. I’ll make sure there’s a spot for you in the program.
My hands are shaking as I respond, thanking her profusely and passing along the rest of my information.
I’m really doing it. I’m going to chase my design dreams at one of the top fashion magazines in the country.I’m going to spend the summer away from Sage.
“Are you okay?” Sage’s voice surprises me, and I jolt a little on the bed where I’m lying.
“Great,” I respond hesitantly, my tone not quite matching my answer.
“What is it, honey?” she pushes, sitting next to me on the bed we’ve been sharing for the last week in our hotel room.Yetanother thing that I wish meant more than it actually does.
“Sarah offered me an internship this summer,” I say slowly.
