I placed my hands behind my back so that he couldn’t see I was wringing my fingers.
“Well, we could go for a walk, or ride through the woods. Maybe I’ll let you give me another archery lesson.” It was a poor attempt at humour, but I was so desperate to see him smile again. I had no such luck.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“The archery lesson? Yeah, you’re probably right. I might accidentally miss the target and hit one of the groundskeepers in the process, considering how terrible I am.”
“I don’t mean the archery,” he said softly, still not looking at me.
“Well, we don’t have to go outside.” I was stumbling over my words now, hating every moment of this awkward tension between us.
Tell me how to help you.
“I could ask the cook to make your favourite blueberry tarts and we can have them with tea.”
Cai’s lips pressed together and he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry but I’m not sure I’m feeling up to it.”
“Is it me? Did I do something?”
His forehead creased. “Of course not.”
I walked over until I was standing in front of him. “Then why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you leave your rooms?” I placed my hands on his cheeks and turned his face to me. “You hardly even look at me.” Those once vibrant emerald eyes were now filled with sadness. “And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” I cried out, not realising how much all of this had bothered me until I confessed it out loud. I’d been trying for so long to keep it together. To be the strong queen and leader that everyone needed. But Cai used to be my anchor, keeping me steady, and now I felt lost at sea.
“You’re not... it’s not—” He looked for the right words.
“Then why do you keep pushing me away?” I asked and Cai pulled away from me.
He pressed his palms to his face and said, “I’m not pushing you away. I just don’t know how to do this.” His voice was laced with desperation.
“Don’t know how to do what?” I asked more gently.
“I don’t know how to make this right.”
I stepped up to him again and took his hands in mine. “I don’t know what I’m doing either. But your kingdom needs you.”
“My kingdom?” he said. “I am no longer king.”
“Cai, a throne and a crown don’t make a king. You know that.”
“But I failed them.” He looked away again and I placed my hand on his face.
“You didn’t deserve any of the things that happened to you, and you are not the one to blame. AndIstill need you. I’ll always need you,” I said firmly, so he could know how much I meant it.
When the words left my mouth, Cai pressed his lips to mine. I was a little surprised at first, considering it had been a while since we’d kissed. But I welcomed the feeling of his mouth and the familiarity of him. I had missed being this close to him. Had missed his warm, caressing hands and the taste of him.
He took my wrists and wrapped my hands around his neck before grabbing my hips. I pressed myself up against his broad chest, fingers twisting into the hair at the nape of his neck. There was a desperation in the way his mouth moved against mine.
Cai turned us, so that I was leaning against the dressing table. I savoured the heat of him against me, having missed his affection more than I realised.
The air around us grew hot and Cai’s hands snaked up my back, allowing me to lean further into his touch. I suppressed a gasp when he gently took my bottom lip between his teeth. We were both breathing hard. His lips trailed to my jaw and then slowly down my neck.
“I need to confront you more often if this is how the conversation is going to end,” I said through heavy breaths. And then Cai did something I had feared he might never do again. I felt the smallest hint of a smile against my skin.
“I actually needed to tell you something important, but I got momentarily distracted.”
If we didn’t have the threat of war hanging over our heads, I might have ignored what he said and kissed him again. But Cai wouldn’t say something was important unless it really mattered.
I pulled back a little to look him in the eye. “What’s going on?”
