“Unfortunately no, I just… haven’t really had the time,” I say, staying hopeful. In all honesty, I want nothing more than to fall in love with someone and have a ‘proper relationship’; not whatever I had with Jonathan. That was just abuse.
“Yeah, someone will just pop up, and it’ll feel like you’ve known them forever,” he says, picking up a wet paintbrush from the floor, the yellow paint dripping onto their shoe.
“I’ll not give my hopes up,” I say in a tone that indicates I’ve already heard this a million times before. I’m the type of personthat’ll fall in love with strangers on the bus just because of what they’re wearing. I’m a people-watcher. I study everything about their demeanour, hunting for something deep and profound. People are a secret of the universe I’ve yet to unravel. Maybe if I can understand other people, I can start to understand myself.
“There was a cute boy at the train station I was talking to,” I say, Kai’s eyes light up. He waves his arms like he does when he gets excited.
“Okay, do tell,” he says, grinning from ear to ear. As much as we’re both gay, Kai and I are never going to date. We’re best friends, and we love talking about boys and going on double dates. We were each other’s biggest supporters. Whenever one of us had a date, the other would cheer us on beforehand.
How did I go on for so long without him in my life?
“I was just sitting on one of the benches and he sat next to me… then we started chatting,” I say with a smile. An image of Edward appears in my mind. I think about what he was wearing and how nice he was to me.
“Go on…” he says, taking another draw of his cigarette. He holds it between his lips and takes a lighter to it when he realises it’s went out.
“Well I didn’t get his number,” I say, and Kai sighs. He puts his head in his hands.
“Oh Noah, you never change,” he jokes, shaking his head. “It’s not hard you just say, hey I think you’re cute, can I have your number?”
“But I got nervous,” I groan before finishing my cigarette.
“I know what you need, you need?—”
“Jesus?”
“I was gonna say a wing-man but maybe both, who knows,” he laughs, causing me to do the same.
We stay there for a while, just relaxing and talking. Eventually, Kai gets up to show me my room, he doesn’t use itfor anything, but it has furniture in it just waiting for someone to use it.
We order a takeaway and catch up. Our go-to is always one cheese pizza and a pepperoni one. We put music on the record player and we dance like idiots. It’s dark out now, only bright and colourful lights from around the apartment stream in. As the night goes on we slowly get more comfortable with each other. The nerves and awkwardness from when I first arrived are almost gone entirely. When I lay in bed later that night, I can’t help but think that maybe things will be okay.
Mum and I are walking beside each other along the main strip of town. I’ve been working at a coffee shop just round the corner. I just got my very first pay check and I want to spend it on her. She does so much for me and works so hard all the time. She deserves to be treated. So I went and bought her a bouquet of her favourite flowers - white roses.
We smile and laugh between ourselves.
Then a high-pitched alarm goes off.
The window of a jewellery store is smashed next to us, the shards landing at our feet.
Someone wearing a white theatre mask charges towards us. The thief barges into my mother, her white roses flying up overher head and landing on the concrete. I reach out to catch her, but she falls to the ground with a thud.
I hear the crack of her skull on the pavement.
I get down on my knees beside her. I cup her head in my hands and then there’s just red.
So much red.
Toomuch red.
How can someone have so much red spilling out their head? It’s on my hands and it’s on my face. It’s all over the street. It’s on her white dress.
It’s on the roses, those beautiful white roses.
When she wakes up she’s going to be so mad because she loves that dress and blood is such a bitch to clean.
She... isn’t breathing.
(It isn’t real)
