“Do you trust him?” He asks, and I… I don’t know how reply.
“I… I’m not sure,” I finally answer. The answer rots in my mouth. I feel like throwing up. Dr Satin nods and starts writing something down in my file.
“I want to trust him. I really like him,” I add, my eyes threatening to spill. I’m suddenly rethinking everything that happened yesterday.
“I think you should maybe rethink how close you want to get to this guy. Do you really know him as well as you think you do?” He asks. I feel my blood begin to boil.
“Why are you asking me all this shit? I was really excited about this and you’ve completely shot me down. What kind of therapist are you?” I shout, the anger filling my face with red. Dr Satin’s eyes go wide as he stands up.
“Look Noah, I’m just trying to help you. In my professional opinion, I think you should rethink this relationship before you end up getting hurt again,” he says, putting my file away. “I’ll see you next week.”
“But we still have another…” I begin, looking at the clock behind him. But he stops me.
“See you next week Noah,” he repeats. I get up and walk out, slamming the door behind me.
I lost control.
I lost control.
I lost control.
Why did you let yourself lose control?
You’re pathetic.
He’s just sowed all these seeds of doubt in my mind and I hate him for it. But part of me is starting to believe him. How well do I know Teddy? I’ve wasted all my time with a boy I’ve just met. Now I’m no closer to figuring out who killed my Mum. I don’t know who any of the bronze family are. I hate myself for this. I don’t know what to do anymore. When I walk out the building, it starts to rain, which is honestly… just fucking brilliant.
By the timeI get back to Kai’s flat, I’m thoroughly soaked. I shut the door behind me and go to my room. Kai is sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette. He looks behind him.
“What’s up with you?” He shouts from the living room.
“I’ll tell you in a minute,” I shout back. I’m throwing all my clothes off and putting on fresh ones. I head back into the living room and light my own cigarette.
“So, I just got back to therapy,” I tell him before taking a draw. The smoke fills my lungs, and I find myself slowly calming.
“One ofthosesessions huh?” He asks, to which I nod. He crosses his legs on the couch and moves the ash tray between us.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“I just… I was really excited and happy about how things were going with Teddy… and he just completely ruined it for me,” I tell him, continuing to smoke.
“What did he say?” He asks, his eyes on me completely.
“He was trying to tell me I shouldn’t get into a relationship because of my history… or at least right now. He doesn’t know if I should trust Teddy.”
“Okay… what the fuck?” He asks, his eyes wide. He takes a draw of his cigarette and leans forward on the couch.
“That doesn’t sound like a therapist talking at all. He shouldn’t be saying shit like that to you, he should be supporting you while guiding you,” he says, his eyebrows raised. He moves the ashtray towards me and I flick my ash into it.
“I thought it was weird too, but I can’t help but think he’s right,” I admit, my heart beat speeding up.
“Can I tell you what I see? I see you as happy as can be and as… like… how do you say this,” He contemplates to himself. “You look like you feel safe with him, if you know what I mean.”
“Idofeel safe with him,” I tell him, my mind looks through images of our time together. How much I’ve smiled and laughed with him. How safe I feel when I’m in his arms. How safe I felt when I told him about Jonathan yesterday. He didn’t make me feel bad about not having sex either. There wasn’t a single sigh, or any annoyed muttering to himself. I’ve never felt more safe with a boy than with him.
“Then what’s the problem? Don’t listen to what your therapist says. He’s talking shit man,” he curses before lighting his cigarette again.
“So you think I should trust him then?”
