“See what I mean with his quirks?” Elijah says, elbowing my hip a few times.
“Stop being weird in front of your new boyfriend Ted,” Daisy jokes, before turning around and scrolling through songs on Just Dance.
“I don’t have any quirks… and I’m not weird. You guys are the weird ones.”
“Yeah, and it’s definitely rubbed off on you. We’re coming for you guys next,” Elijah says, pointing to Kai and I.
“Pretty sure we’re way past being normal,” Kai laughs before pushing Elijah onto the couch.
“Hey!” Elijah shouts as they both erupt into laughter. Kai goes to sit down next to him and Teddy and I follow them, hand-in-hand.
If this is what happiness is, I want to devour it with everything I have.
Ihave another therapy session with Dr Satin today. I’m supposed to be delving deep into horrible feelings and memories about the past, but honestly, I haven’t stopped smiling since yesterday. I feel like things are finally going well for me. Although, I feel a pit in my stomach when I think about being threatened at Flambards. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. So I’m trying to keep it away from my mind and focus on the positives in my life. And right now there’s a lot.
“Morning Noah, take a seat,” he asks, motioning towards the chair in front of him. He puts some paperwork away and grabs my file from the cabinet behind him before putting his full attention on me.
“So, how have things been since the last time we spoke?”
“Honestly, things have been great,” I tell him, a smile dawns on my face again. His eyes widen with intrigue.
“Oh, do tell. Anything exciting happening?”
“Well I recently got a new job at the bookstore down the road,” I begin, to which he nods in reply, coaxing me to continue.
“Well, the owner, his name is Teddy?—”
“Oh Teddy? I didn’t know that was his name,” he says, crossing his arms. He adjusts his glasses and leans against the desk.
“Yeah, so we’ve been getting rather… close. We kissed yesterday,” I tell him, my heart thumps in my chest. I can’t get the image of us kissing out my mind, and the fact he was so caring.
“You kissed him? Really?” He asks, his eyebrows raise. “Do you think you’re ready for something like that?”
That wasn’t what I was expecting him to say.
“What do you mean?”
“Well with your history I mean… do you really think you’re ready for a sexual relationship?” He asks, his lips in a thin line. I was expecting him to be happy for me.
“Well, we haven’t done anything like that yet… well actually, we were about to yesterday but we stopped in the middle of it.”
“Why?”
“I think it was triggering for me,” I admit, thinking back to how my body trembled at his touch. I should feel safe with him. I still don’t know why my body reacted like that.
“I just…” he begins with a sigh. “I think you’ve maybe rushed into it a bit too quickly. And I mean… how well do you know this guy?” He asks, and I freeze. Why is he asking me that? It seems a bit too forward for a therapist. Or maybe he knows me better than I think.
“I know him pretty well… we stopped and he said it was okay. I told him about Jonathan too.”
“And what did he say?” He asks, leaning back in his chair. I look out the window towards the bookshop. Then back at Dr Satin.
“He said he would never hurt me, and that he wanted me to feel safe,” I tell him, my voice wavering. As the words sound out my mouth, I slowly start not believing him. I was so excited about these new feelings that… I didn’t even think about if they were right for me right now. I’m supposed to be here to heal, and I’ve thrown myself into a relationship. I’m so stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
