“I’m… I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to say that, it’s not your fault,” I tell him, trying to hide the fact that my eyes have become glassy.
“I know, but… are you okay?” He asks, his face a portrait of a man disturbed by the story I just told. I haven’t met a stranger who looks so distraught by it. Most people don’t care enough about others.
“I’ve been struggling with being alone. We were really close. I decided to come back home to find myself again. I struggled going to University after something so traumatic. But all I see are reminders of her and our time spent together. It’s just… hard. It’s so fucking hard,” my voice cracks. I take a deep breath. I don’t cry. I don’t break down. I just feel a heavy wave of deep blue sadness wash over me as I sigh again. He pushes himself off the wall, gesturing for a hug. I accept his offer because a hug is exactly what I need right now.
“Hey, you know you’re awesome, right? You’ll get through this, and I’ll be there for you every step of the way.”
“Thanks, Teddy.”
“If it means anything, I’m glad you’re here. You’re honestly doing an outstanding job,” he tells me, my heart skips a beat at the praise.
Teddy starts smiling at me, and I didn’t even realise he was stroking my hair. My weakness! I think he realised I noticed him doing it, because he begins just patting my head.
“There, there.” I giggle at him quietly.
I smile back at him, and he pulls me closer into his chest. Is he expecting me to cry? I won’t, though. Is this appropriate for your boss to do? I’m trying not to question it because of my massive crush. I don’t see this going anywhere. He’s just trying to be nice. Don’t overthink it, Noah.
“Hey, can you guys stop being gay for one second and actually give me a hand cleaning up?” Elijah asks while leaning on a brush. He grins at us. We back away from each other, and I grab a brush.
“Do you want a hug too, buddy? Is that what it is?” Teddy asks, walking towards him with his arms extended.
“Oh no, you stay away from me,” he says, running away. We all laugh before Teddy comes back over to me.
“Can I ask you something?” Teddy asks, smiling at me.
“What’s up?”
“Do you want to come over to ours? We’re having a few friends over for some wine and pizza. We’d like to get to know you more. It would be great to chat somewhere that isn’t the bookstore,” he laughs, and I freeze. I mean, I like him… a lot. But do I really want to get myself involved with another boy? Is drinking with strangers a good idea? It must be so obvious I’m hesitating.
“Yeah, I think I would like that… but…”
“But?” Teddy asks. I’m unsure how to follow up. There are so many reasons I should not even attempt to go. I don’t think I want to take that leap yet. He could hurt me in a way that I definitelycan notdeal with right now. I’ve got enough on my plate. But the more I look at Teddy, and the more I talk to him…
He’s nothing like Jonathan.
So I take the leap.
“I’d love to. What time were you thinking?”
“Like in a couple of hours or so? We can finish here if you want to get organised. Our flat is just upstairs, so just ring the bell.”
“Okay, can’t wait,” I beam. It’s time I let myself have something good happen without worrying about every little thing. What’s the worst that could happen?
The cobblestone streets are dimly lit by lamp posts, an orange glow pooling below. Teenagers are skating in a garage car park across the road from me. Kai and I always wanted to be skater kids. I don’t think that was the right hobby for us to be honest - I have the balance of a giraffe on roller skates.
There’s a white concrete staircase next to the Rainbow Book Shop that leads up to a white front door. I honestly need a drink in me after that therapy session. Everything just spilt out of me. I want nothing more than to drink the night away.
I’m not going to lose control, though. I take a deep breath and press the doorbell, hoping it’s Teddy who comes to the door.
It isn’t.
“D is gonna kill me, please hide me,” Elijah says quickly as he cowers behind me. A girl with straight blonde hair and a graphic tank top walks out the door and shoots Elijah a glare.
“It is not that hard, Eli, oh my god. I even bought the good ones! And why did you — oh hey,” she says, interrupting herself when she notices me in front of Elijah. It’s Daisy from the boba tea shop! I had no idea she’s friends with Teddy and Elijah. She studies me before saying, “It’s Noah, right?” She furrows her brow as a stray thought seems to cross her mind. “Wait, you’re…” She trails off. Elijah still cowers behind me for protection as Teddy introduces me.
“Daisy, this is Noah, my… um… work Colleague.”
