It was Jonathan’s arm.
I focused on the fire for what felt like a while. I adore the way fire dances and spins around like a couple in a ball room. Oh, how I wish I could be fire. Maybe if I was more like fire, I wouldn’t ever be hurt again.
I tried to get up, but realised I couldn’t. My legs wouldn’t move. Then panic set in.
Jonathan was practically waterboarding me with alcohol when I should have been with Arthur instead. I practically ditched him. My thoughts ran, but my speech slurred.
“Arthur… I… need to be with Arthur… I?—”
“You don’t want to be with him right now,” Jonathan said clearly. No slurring. I don’t think he’d had very much to drink.
“No… I do,” I said as I tried to get up but the alcohol saidno.
“Don’t you like me?” The monster said, moving fingers to the inside of my shirt, undoing buttons. I looked around me to see bottles of random spirits around my feet. I hadn’t remembered drinking them. He had been feeding me the poison that lingered on my lips - I could feel a fire in my throat. I flicked his hand away and tried to get up again, but Jonathan stood up and held me down in the chair.
“Where are you going?” He stood so tall that it made my eyes burn. But I had to be strong. I couldn’t cry just because someone was taller than me, or because I was scared.
“Let me go see Arthur,” I pleaded, clearer now.
“I thought you liked me?” The monster asked again.
“I did… but not really. I… Arthur, they’re my friend.”
“Do you want more to drink? I think there’s more vodka in the?—”
“No.”
He looked puzzled. He sat back down. He knew I wouldn’t be able to get back up without help, and he wasn’t about to do that. My drunk brain knew I couldn’t move. I tried, but the alcohol said no again. I wrapped my arms around myself. I was cold, andthe alcohol wasn’t keeping me warm anymore. I felt stupid. How had it gotten to this point?
Then it got worse.
“Noah? Where the fuck have you been?” Arthur said. The liquid fire burned in him too, but not as intensely as it did in me. His steps were wobbly, while his bloodshot eyes didn’t dare leave my gaze.
“Arthur.. I?—”
“No, you know what, Noah? What the fuck?”
Jonathan stood up, moving towards him.
“This is where you’ve been? You haven’t spoken to me all night. It’s one fucking am! We were meant to have all this fun together, and it was meant to be this big thing. But you’ve spent all night with him!” He screamed, it rang in my ear. Tears burned in my eyes.
“Arthur… I… please,” I breathed. Jonathan stood by, observing us.
“You’re drunk? Of course you are. Great,” He sighed, throwing his arms up into the air. “I mean, look at you! Your shirt is undone!” I looked down at my shirt. The monster undone all my buttons, the cold air attacked my bare skin. I looked back at Arthur. His eyes were glassy and puffy. I hated how he looked. I did this. And I couldn’t get any fucking words out to stop this!
“He’s… I don’t…” I whispered before sobs escaped me. The words lingered on my tongue, trapped by the alcohol like it was sticky honey. I was too drunk to tell him how sorry I was.
Jonathan answered for me.
“He wants to be with me tonight, not you.”
I wanted to hurt him. I tried to get up again, but my knees gave way and I fell to the ground, the wet mud seeping into my jeans. The alcohol inside me cocked it’s ugly head back and laughed. It screamed at me, telling me Ibetter stay the fuckdown. Tears began to flow as the moonlight and fire illuminated the garden.
“Fucking great to know. Cheers, Noah,” Arthur spat as he headed back into the house. It was then I realised we had an audience. Almost everyone at the party was looking at us. The murmurs were deafening. All I wanted was to be alone.
“C’mon, you’re not staying here,” Jonathan whispered in my ear as he helped me up. It was hard for me to walk, so he held me up. He shielded me from people’s chilling stares. The music was loud in my head. I couldn’t make out any of the lyrics. Tears flowed from my eyes, dripping onto the floor. I could feel everyone staring. We climbed the stairs, being careful of the people making out. Those that likely felt lonely inside before coming here, then formed a fake connection with another lonely soul.
The tears were drying on my cheeks, the moonlight through Jonathan’s bedroom window reflected off them. When did I end up in his bedroom? I look in a mirror. My skin was still bare through my open shirt, my hair was messy, my eyes were glassy. I was appalled by the stranger I was looking at.
