‘You always do,’ Darren says. ‘And when you’ve made it work, we’ve all got a date in a field, yeah? We’re going to call it Lucy’s Comeback Fest. I’ll even make the T-shirts without complaint.’
I hug him warmly. I might even get them from Marks & Spencer.
There’s suddenly a knock on the door and I turn my head to see an unexpected visitor.You? Really?How far and wide has news travelled of me being back in hospital? My eyes go to Darren, who studies the visitor at my door.
‘Cass, maybe you and I should grab a coffee or something?’
Piss off, that was not what that eye signal meant, which makes me wonder what sort of friend he really is. Grace would have read that in a heartbeat.
‘Guys, this is Josh Reid. I knew him from school.’ I attempt to sound as deadbeat as I can to show that his presence here is not welcome but instead they all shake hands. ‘These are my mates, Darren and Cass.’ Josh’s eyes scan down to Cass’s boobs and, immediately, I’m hoping Darren might smack him.
‘I can go if it’s not a good time?’ Josh says.
Please go, jump in the river.
‘Oh no!’ Darren exclaims. ‘We’ll let you guys catch up,’ he says, winking at me. Really? No. Don’t leave me with this wankpuffin. They exit the room, leaving Josh standing there with another supermarket bunch of flowers, pretty much wearing the same outfit as last time. I really hope he’s changed and showered in that time.
‘Hi.’ That’s his opener.
‘Hi, come in?’ I ask. Rather than stand there with your crappy flowers. He comes over to the bed and sits on a chair next to me.
‘You’re the last person I expected to see here,’ I tell him, quite bluntly.
‘Oh, well… it was on social media. Farah from school, your mate – she put it there and then a mate told me and, yeah, I thought I’d come and see how you were…’
‘Apart from the hole in my head, it’s all good.’
He laughs at that despite it not being particularly funny.
‘Are none of your family here?’ he asks, obviously not keen to bump into the likes of Emma or my mother again.
‘They don’t keep vigil constantly. I allow them to eat occasionally. I think Beth is downstairs.’
‘Oh, that’s good.’
I wish they were here so they could help me beat you up. The last memory I had of Josh was in my bedroom at my family home and I felt completely powerless, still overcome by all that emotion I felt for him as a seventeen-year-old. Even when I found out the truth of what happened to us as kids, it was heartbreaking, a complete revelation. Now, I have all that information, all that power. I know what happened in that nightclub and how, essentially, he was a bit of a lad getting his leg over with other girls, damn the consequences to other people and their teenage hearts. As a thirty-year-old, I barely give him a second thought.
‘Glad you got through the second op all right,’ he says, putting the flowers down on my bedside table.
‘Yeah, lucky that…’
‘You’ll need to grow your hair out again.’
‘Yep.’
‘Not that your hair looks bad…’
We sit there in silence for a moment, like he’s a young man come to visit a great-aunt he doesn’t quite know.
‘Sorry, Josh, why are you here?’ I ask, trying not to draw this out.
‘I just wanted to see you.’
‘So this is for your benefit, to make you feel better about your life?’
You can tell that turning this on him is confusing and, I’ll be frank, I like that.
‘I came because I wanted to… I don’t know how to say this…’
