Jana had mountains of things she wanted to say. That she was sorry she was stubborn for so long. That she forgave him. That she was tired of running away from her feelings. And she wasn’t going to let other people’s judgments get in the way of her doing what would make her happy anymore.
And that his little push—him challenging her to get out of her comfort zone—was the best thing he could have ever done for her.
She didn’t know what to say, so she indicated toward the wrapped carving on the table. “Open that,” she said. With her still sitting sideways on his lap, he pulled the paper on the soapstone sculpture, revealing the sweet family of three inside. “You and me,” she said, “we can never be just us. I was always afraid of letting myself get close to you. Afraid that letting go of my resentment would unearth…thisunderneath it.”
“What is…this?”
“These strong feelings. You know I don’t warm to people easily and that it’s hard for a lot of people to like me. But with you, things were so easy. I felt like we were on the same wavelength when we were together—and I haven’t been on the same wavelength with anyone in a long time.”
He didn’t say anything, just let one hand trail up her back and into her hair.
“Back then it was only two weeks,” she continued, “but I’d thought it would be forever. And then when it all fell apart, I was so incredibly hurt. But blaming you completely, even after I found out what you’d gone through, wasn’t fair. You tried to make it up to me. You offered me the Aim High position, you referred me for other jobs, and you supported whatever I needed. I should have forgiven you a long time ago, but I was afraid that if I did, I’d remember that I haven’t fit with anyone in my life the way I fit with you. And I didn’t want to get hurt again. We’d found balance with Imani. I didn’t want to risk ruining that. And…I admit I was afraid of what people would say.”
With one hand still in her hair, Anil looked down at the carving of the family in his other hand.
Jana kept talking, wanting to let it all out now that she’d been brave enough to start. “I don’t think I realized how much I’d internalized stuff from my mom. But I can’t let my image…or shame, get in the way of my happiness anymore. I can’t go into this relationship worrying about what others will think, or about what will happen if it goes bad. Because despite everything that went wrong before, we’ve still been great parents. And we’ll still be great parents no matter what happens because we’re both good people.”
He nodded, burying his face into her neck. Anil had always been a very affectionate lover. She’d missed that so much. “Imagine how great it would be for her if itdoeswork,” he said. “She’ll havebothof us, not either-or.”
Jana touched the carving in his hand, letting her finger trail the smooth arms of the adult figures around the child. “Watching you with her helped me fall in love with you.”
“Seeing you with her always made me love you more.” He put his finger on the carving. “I bought one of these in Africa, too.”
Jana frowned. “I know. This is yours. The souvenirs from the trip got here.”
He chuckled. “Okay, that’s good. I thought it was too much of a coincidence if you had bought the same one. Same color and everything.”
“I don’t know why you bought it, but—”
He squeezed her tighter. “I bought it because I wantedthis. You, me, and Imani. A team. It was the morning after that night in Hatari, and you had just run out of my hotel room looking like you never wanted to see me again. And I thought that was it. It was just a one-night stand that had no hope to continue. But when I saw this figure in the shop, it felt like a good omen. I decided then that I would give you space until I was back in Toronto, but then I would fight for you.Us. Slowly, without scaring you away, I was going to make you realize that we can have this. But then you went and asked me on a date before I could.” He shook his head, smiling. “Overachiever. Always with that perfection, Jana.”
She smiled. “I want to be a family, too.” She rested her forehead on his.
That was enough talking. He reached down and put the carving back on the table, then took her face in his hands and kissed her. She soaked him in, turning so she was straddling his thighs. He held her tight, locking her to him. As if she would even think of leaving again.
This connection that had knocked her off-kilter five years ago, and scared the crap out of her since then, was back and better than before. She wasn’t going to run anymore. Before long, he led her to the back of the condo to his bedroom—the only room in his home that she hadn’t seen on a video call before. It wasn’t big but had a floor-to-ceiling window with a breathtaking view of the Toronto skyline. She wanted to sit there and stare at it. Later, though. Anil used a remote control on his nightstand to close a gray roller blind over the window. He tossed a condom on the bed, and Jana noticed right away that it was another one from the bridal party backpack.
He stood next to her. “I…”He grinned. “Not just one night this time, right? We’re dating?”
She took his hands in hers. “We skipped dating. We’re in love.” She lifted one of his hands and kissed the back of it. “I’ve walked away from you twice. That first time…that was your fault.”
He nodded. “I agree.”
She kissed his other hand. “The second time—yesterday—that was my fault. I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “But you’re here now.”
She kept his hand and kissed his wrist. She let her tongue play with the tender skin, feeling him shudder. “I’m here now,” she whispered. Her mouth was still on his forearm. “I don’t want to run from you anymore. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said. He stepped around her and ran his hand down the middle of her back. “How do I get you out of this thing?”
She laughed, unzipping the hidden side zipper and stepping out of the jumpsuit. She watched him remove his dress pants and dress shirt. They climbed into bed, and after he rolled on the condom, he guided her on top of him.
She leaned down to give him a long kiss, then lifted herself onto her knees before lowering herself onto him.
And they were joined again. He was warm and hard, and Jana felt complete. She lay on him, her entire body covering his. With one arm around her back and the other on her head, he kissed her while he moved inside her. He felt so, so good. How had Jana walked away from this? This is where they made sense. This is where they fit.
They reached their peaks within seconds of each other, Anil clutching Jana’s hips and murmuring her name like a mantra. And she followed, looking at him the whole time. Telling him she loved him.
