His eyes closed a second, then he wrapped Jana in a full-body hug. If she’d thought the kiss was emotional times one hundred, this hug was emotional times a thousand. “Thank you, Jana.”
She smiled as she hugged him back, feeling a comfort and contentment like no other. When she pulled away, she asked if she could look in on Imani first.
Anil led her to Imani’s bedroom—a room that Jana had seen many times when she’d FaceTimed their daughter to say good night. The walls were painted pale lavender, and there was a white four-poster bed in the middle of the room with a mound of stuffed animals on the end of it. Imani was sleeping deeply. Jana leaned down to kiss her daughter’s head. When she stood back up, Anil wrapped his arms around Jana from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. Jana had never felt so content—wrapped in the arms of the man she loved, together watching the little human they’d created and shaped sleep soundly. Jana blinked away a tear. She didn’t think she’d ever been so happy in her life, and she made a promise to herself that she would fight to keep this family like this forever. They watched their daughter sleep for a few more moments before heading out of the room, closing the door softly. It was time for them to talk.
Anil guided her into the living room and onto a plush gray sofa. Jana had never seen the condo in person but had seen it countless times on video calls. It was weird to be here in person. Like walking onto the set of a favorite TV show—a place that looked familiar but didn’tfeelfamiliar. She hoped it soon would.
“Can I get you something to drink? Tea? Wine? Water?” Anil asked.
“Wine, if you have it.”
He nodded, then disappeared into the kitchen. She pulled the soapstone carving out of her bag and put it on the coffee table. Anil’s apartment was very…Anil. Masculine but not devoid of personality or color. Lots of art from his travels juxtaposed with pale cream and gray furniture. Plus, toys, games, and coloring books everywhere. Unlike Jana’s house, where Imani’s things stayed in her room, here there was no hiding their daughter. It reminded Jana that any relationship between them was really between the three of them.
He came back into the living room and sat next to her, handing her a glass of red wine. Jana took a sip, then placed it on a coaster on the table. It was clear they were both nervous.
He spoke first. “I’ve been thinking about our argument this morning, and you were right—Ishouldhave told you I’ve been speaking to Nadia again after we got closer in Tanzania. But you were finally…tolerating me, and I thought it would make you run away again. But I should have been honest, especially considering our history. I’m sorry.”
Jana shook her head. “I’m supposed to be the one groveling here. I was the one who shut you out the moment I heard gossip instead of speaking to you about it.I’msorry.”
“I think we’ve both done things we shouldn’t have. Did you really think I would get back together with Nadia?”
Jana sighed. This was harder than letting their bodies do the communicating. “No. not really. But I was scared. All the pain from the past came right back. I think I was more traumatized by what she…well, what her family did to me than I realized.”
“Yeah, I can understand that. That must have felt horrible when Maria said those things in your office.”
Jana nodded. “She basically said I was a floozy who broke up her friend’s marriage. Everyone was looking at me. My boss. Even my research assistant. And then she said you and Nadia had reconciled. Logically, I knew it couldn’t be true. But you hadn’t told me you were even talking to her again, so I thought I couldn’t trust you. And I reallydidn’tknow how you felt about me. About us. You said yes when I asked you on a date, but you also said Hatari was just for one night. You kept saying you wanted us to be friends.”
He nodded. “I did just want to be friends. This isn’t at all what I expected from you…I just wanted to be able to co-exist better. I thought you hated me—the last thing you needed was me telling you that I’m still in love with you.”
It was like a bomb had gone off. At the party, he had said he loved her, not that hestillloved her. “Still?” Jana whispered.
He smiled. “Yes.Still. I’ve been in love with you for almost five years. I fell in love with you when we were first together, and I’ve never stopped.”
She had felt everything for this man in the last five years. Hatred. Resentment. Anger. Even attempted indifference.
But he was loving her through all that. Loving Jana. Bitter, grumpy Jana. She didn’t know what to say. “Say it again,” she whispered.
He smiled and pulled her close. She went willingly, settling herself against his strong body. He was solid and warm, and she fit right here. He put his big hand on her hip and looked into her eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
He smiled, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it.”
“It’s true.” Jana said. “Maybe not at first…I don’t know if I was in love with you five years ago, but I was on the way there. And now…Tanzania changed everything. I finished falling in love with you.”
He’d always been the kind of person who smiled a lot, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever really seen him smile until this moment. He tried pulling her in for another kiss, but she stopped him. Mostly because she knew if they started again, they wouldn’t stop. And she meant it—they needed to talk to each other this time.
Jana curled up against his side. “I wish you’d told me how you felt before now. When you said things had to change between us, I thought you meant you were leaving town.”
“I did think about leaving. Many times. But I’m also in love with Imani, and I can’t be away from her.” He shifted Jana so he could look at her face. “I don’t think you understand, Jana. I didn’twantto be in love with you. It hurt too much. I felt like my life was in…”
“You used the wordpurgatorybefore.”
“Yeah. I felt stuck. I was miserable. So I went to Tanzania because I knew you didn’t want me there. I thought spending time together might help me stop seeing you as this mythical perfect being. I wanted to spend time with you to fall out of love with you.”
“Did it work?”
He huffed a laugh as he pulled her into his lap, settling her on his firm thighs. His head dipped down to kiss her neck. “No. Not even close.”
