She grinned and pulled his face down to hers. “It was way, way better than okay,” she said against his lips, then reached for his belt.
“Are you sure, Jana?”
She knew why he was asking her—this would changeeverythingbetween them. But honestly? That ship sailed one orgasm ago. And maybesheshould be the one to ask, because she was the one who walked away last time. “Areyousure?” she asked.
He didn’t answer. And his hesitation gave her time to think…Was this a mistake? Some excellent orgasms tonight (and theywouldbe excellent—they always had been) were one thing, but was she willing to face whatever this would do to their relationship? She’d been so furious when she walked into this room, and he’d been even angrier. And taking this step while already in a heightened emotional state could be dangerous.
“You’re thinking too hard, Jana. Tell me what you’re feeling, not what you’re thinking.”
She smiled. The truth was, Jana was feeling more alive than she had in years. She took his cheek in her hand, loving the light stubble, and trailed her thumb down it. It was amazing to be able to do this now. Touch the face that had occupied a permanent place in her mind for years. “I…I need this tonight. Just one night. No promises, no holding back. What about you?”
He nodded, leaning into her touch. “I feel the same way. Just one night.”
Jana smiled, putting her hands on his belt again, then paused. “Um…I’m not on the pill.” Not that that had helped much five years ago. Back then, she’d been on antibiotics for a sinus infection, so they’d used condoms. Most of the time.
He got up quickly, holding his open pants so they wouldn’t fall, returning a few seconds later with a condom. “We can thank Kamila and Rohan for their backpacks,” he said, unbuttoning his shirt. Jana laughed. But then watched him undress, because this time she could.
Anil was still a beautiful man. A little less firm and a little thicker in the waist than five years ago, he still had a broad chest and solid legs. When he rejoined her on the bed wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, he slid his hands over Jana’s legs again, this time slipping her underwear down. Then he pulled her dress over her head.
Jana felt self-conscious suddenly, covering her stomach with her hands. She didn’t mind the changes to her body—she’d been playing in the pool with him only a few days ago. But that high-waisted push-up bikini covered things. Her stomach was nowhere near flat anymore. “I…I have stretch marks…”
He tugged her hands away and sat her up to take her bra off. When she lay back down, he sat next to her and looked. Jana wanted to curl up into herself. To hide. What was he thinking right now?
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. With barely a touch, he ran his fingers lightly over the silvery lines on her stomach. She shivered as his fingers caressed her skin. He then dipped his head to plant kisses on her belly. “So beautiful,” he said again, a little tremor sneaking into his voice. She stroked the back of his head, grateful. These marks on her body were from growing and feeding Imani. And Anil was the only person who loved Imani as much as she did.
He moved his mouth up to her breasts, first kissing, then following the trails of the stretch marks with his tongue. When he took her nipple in his mouth, his tongue flicking the tip, she moaned again, arching her back.
“Now. Do it now, Anil. Condom.” She pulled on the waistband of his briefs.
“Yes, ma’am.” He rolled off her and out of his briefs, then made quick work of putting on the condom. When he was back on top of her, he propped himself up on his elbows. This time, he didn’t have a serious or emotional question in his eyes, but instead his smile was all Anil Malek charm. “Ready?” he asked.
She nodded. She’d never been more ready in her life. Taking him in her hands, she guided him into her body.
When they were joined again, Jana could feel it all slip away. The resentment. The bitterness. None of that could survive when it felt so perfect. He knew exactly the right angle, the right pace to make nothing but this moment matter. He knew how to make her scream. She arched her back, curling her legs around his hips. They were nothing alike, but like this, with him deep inside her, it felt like they were where they were supposed to be. Jana held him tight as he moved inside her, and when his breathing sped up, she put her hand down to where they were joined, pressing hard to make sure they reached their peak at the same moment. She wanted to give them that.
They were kissing when she came, and his mouth tore away when he reached his peak seconds later. He clutched her tightly, calling her name as the shudders of pleasure passed through him.
It was him saying her name that made her eyes water. Because her name on his lips felt like a promise this time, just like it had last time.
Eventually he pulled out, and after rolling off the bed to dispose of the condom, he came back and lay next to her. She held him in a tight embrace. They lay like that for a while, unspeaking, as their breathing returned to normal. And all Jana could think about was how fitting it was that this place was called Hatari.
Because now that she’d been reminded of how perfect she and Anil were together, she knew she was most definitely in danger.
Chapter 22
One weird thing Jana hated about herself, something she hoped Anil didn’t remember, was that she often cried after an orgasm. The bigger the orgasm…the more tears. A small self-given orgasm might make her eyes well up a bit, but an intense, toe-curling one triggered by some partner activities could make her shake with a sob. It was mortifying.
The tears weren’t because of sadness, happiness, or any other emotion. It was just an annoying reaction of her body. One that had her hiding in the bathroom after sex with most of her small number of past partners. A bonus was the bathroom trip after sex helped prevent UTIs, but still.
Just once she’d like to have some after-sex closeness and snuggles without feeling the urge to run away.
She wriggled free from Anil’s grip and rushed to the bathroom. She didn’t dare speak, because that was an orgasm unlike any she’d had in years, so he would definitely hear her voice crack. But hopefully he’d understand she needed to regroup after that mind-blowing experience.
After cleaning up, she looked at herself in the mirror. The tears hadn’t stopped and her eyes were puffy. Her skin reddened. Makeup a mess. And this time, therewereemotions behind the tears.
She was overwhelmed. She was terrified. She was amazed. And she weirdly felt more alone and isolated than ever.
She was feeling everything right now. She choked back a sob.
