“I haven’t left you in purgatory! You’ve put yourself there! You walked into our relationship with open eyes and didn’t give me the same luxury!”
“You’re right! But you can’t have it both ways, Jana! I can’t be both the villain in your life and your savior when you need me! I can’t be both a regret and a friend you hold hands with when you sleep. You don’t have to like me. You don’t have to forgive me. Just…”
“Just what?”
His face fell. “Justreleaseme.”
They stared angrily at each other for several seconds. “That’s what I want,” he finally said. “I want to be allowed to move on from you and the past…finally. I want to not be torn up with guilt and regret and the knowledge that I hurt the person I…”He paused, rubbing his hand over his face. “I want to be able to be in the same room with you without all this…tension. Emotions. For Imani, yes, but for me. Tell me what else I can do…or tell me now if it will never be possible.”
She didn’t say anything—just stared at him. Was it possible? Could she be in the same room with him and feel nothing? Not be overcome with feelings so strong they scared the crap out of her?
“What about you, Jana?” he finally said. “What do you want? If you could snap your fingers and have anything, what would you and I be?”
Another tear escaped. It was made of anger and resentment and so much more than she knew how to deal with. She wanted what he wanted, too. To set him free. But she was afraid if she set him free, then she wouldn’t have him anymore. She leaned her head back on the door. “If I could snap my fingers and have anything, I’d want things to go back to how they were before.”
He snorted with derision. “You mean back to us never seeing each other and sending barely professional messages back and forth about our daughter?”
“No.” Her voice cracked. “No. Before that.” She looked up at the ceiling, blinking away the tears. She couldn’t make eye contact with him right now. “I’d go back to those two weeks. Back to when you made me feel things I’d never felt before. When you made me believe I was enough just the way I am.” She looked at him finally. “I’d go back to when I fit somewhere. In your arms.”
He blinked, looking at her, face still unreadable. Then in two long strides across the room, his lips were on hers.
And he was back. Anil Malek was kissing her. Filling in all the empty parts of her. Making the world turn on the same axis as her again. His lips pressed onto hers as he poured all that pain and anger and resentment into her, and she just let him. Hell, she practically rolled out a welcome mat for him.
His kiss was furious, tongue sweeping through her mouth, his hands tightening on her cheeks. He tasted of dark beer and danger.Hatari. The charming easygoing Anil was long gone—this was barely contained primal energy. He suddenly pulled away, hands still on her cheeks, fire in his eyes.
“Jana,” he whispered. She had to close her eyes, overwhelmed with the intense emotions. This was Anil—the only person who made her feel like this. Ever. They’d had two weeks then, and the shock waves from the intensity still echoed through her core.
“Jana,” he whispered again. She opened her eyes to look at him, seeing a question in his expression.Is this okay?
Because he was Anil. Because even before, when they were in the throes of passion, he put her first. Her comfort. Her needs. Herpleasure.
But since she’d never made things easy for him, she needed to be crystal clear now. She slipped one arm around him and pulled his head down to mouth a kiss into his neck, lingering to suck in the sweet sandalwood taste of him and loving the gasp that escaped his lips. She inhaled deeply to drink in more of his scent, of his heat, of him, then answered his wordless question. “Please,” she whispered softly into his ear. “Give that to me again.”
He crashed into her with another bruising kiss, and this time she let her hands roam over the solid body that had left a permanent imprint on her memory. None of this should have felt new to her—she’d been kissed by these lips and touched by these hands before—but this was different. More urgent. It was like they were both desperately trying to fill in the holes left behind after they exploded into each other’s lives five years ago. His leg pressed between hers, the soft cotton of her dress luxurious against her sensitive skin.
He eventually pulled her away from the door and gave her a firm nudge toward the bed. She let herself fall back, pulling him on top of her. She needed his weight on her. Crowding her. Blocking out everything that wasn’t Anil Malek. He looked down at her, the pad of his thumb trailing slowly over her cheekbone. His eyes were so beautiful—the richest brown imaginable. Like the dark beer he’d been drinking. And as usual, Jana had trouble reading the expression in them.
“I don’t know if we should talk about this,” he finally said.
Jana didn’t want to talk. Words were difficult for them. Bodies had always been easier. She tightened her hold around his waist, and felt his erection, hard and insistent on her leg. Smiling, she reached down to stroke the thick length of it through his pants, watching his eyes roll back. “Not really feeling like conversation right now,” she responded. “And I don’t think you are, either.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “You’ve always been the smarter one.” He leaned down and kissed her again.
Jana couldn’t believe how good it felt. And it felt even better when he reached down and grazed her leg with his hand, following the slit in her dress with a determined touch that sent all her nerves into overdrive. She gasped in his mouth when his roaming hand traveled from her thigh to her hip, and she curled one of her legs over his. She wanted to drown in this man all over again.
A whimper escaped her lips when he pushed her underwear to the side and slipped fingers inside her with no preamble. She broke the kiss, holding on to the back of his head, moaning as he went deeper. Good lord, why…how…had she ever walked away from this man?
“Is this good, Jana?” he asked.
“God, yes. Please. Don’t stop.” She clutched him as his magical fingers and thumb brought her sensations she forgot she could have. Jana’s mouth was open against his cheek as her pleasure crested, clumsily searching for his lips. He kissed her again, swallowing her screams as her pleasure seemed to go on forever.
He pulled back to look at her as her orgasm subsided. Jana felt wrung out and recharged at the same time. And this time, shecouldread the look on his face…He looked like he’d conquered a mountain bigger than Mount Meru.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That I can’t believe that just happened.”
His forehead furrowed. “You said it was okay.”
