“Wait,” she said when she caught up to him near the rooms.
He turned and looked at her. Anil seemed to think thatshehatedhim, but that look on his face told otherwise—he was the one hating someone here.
“For someone who doesn’t want to be bothered,” he said, “you sure haven’t left me alone on this trip.” He continued walking toward his suite.
She followed him. “What does that mean?” What exactly was he accusing her of, anyway?
He shook his head as he fumbled in his pocket for his key card. “Everywhere I turn, you’re there. At the wedding, all the parties, all my game drives, every dinner, in the pool.Everywhere. Imani gets sick, in seconds you’re there.”
She blinked, staring at him. “We’re on the same trip! You chose to come knowing I’d be here. And you insisted we be together for all the game drives and that I sleep in your tent that night! It’s not like Iwantto be near you or anything…It’s for—”
“Imani. I know.” He unlocked his room. Before stepping inside, he stood at the door with his arm out as if to welcome her in.
“You want me to come into your room?” Jana asked. What was happening here?
His nostrils flared. “You want to have this conversation out here with wild dogs around?”
Jana winced and stepped into Anil’s room. It was a smaller version of hers. Same beautiful, welcoming decor—only one bed.
He threw his room card on the desk, put his beer down, and turned to look at Jana. “Iknowyou being everywhere I turn isn’t because ofme. I know I’ve been the one pushing for this…reconciliation. And I know we’re only doing it for Imani. I decided to come because I thought this could be our chance to fix things. But I can’t pretend it’s been easy for me. That it doesn’t sting to be facing you everywhere.” She could see a throbbing vein in his forehead. His teeth were gritted.
“Why, because I won’t stroke your ego like you want everyone to do?”
He stared at her, blinking. She’d gone too far. She didn’t mean that comment…mostly. He’d said he always said the wrong thing to her, and she was realizing she did the same.
“Why did you follow me here, Jana?” he asked.
She leaned back against the door. For some reason, she felt if she stayed in contact with the exit, she wasn’t really alone in this room with him. “At the bar, you said I wouldn’t need to see you after this trip. Does that mean you don’t want to go to Disney anymore?”
He stared at her for several seconds, face still blank. “No. You win,” he said. “Have a good time.”
Jana didn’t know why that made her feel sad; it’s what she’d wanted. “Are you going to tell everyone that we’ve been lying? That we’ve never been married, never been friends?” She cringed thinking about how upset Mom would be. Would this be a problem with Dr. Lopez?
“No, of course not. I’ll go along with whatever you want. Pretend we were married. Pretend we are best friends. Whatever.”
“But without Disney.”
He sighed. “Yes, without Disney. If you don’t want me there, I won’t push it.”
He wasn’t going to fight to crack through her anymore? To challenge her? “Why? You’ve been pushing me for two weeks to talk, and now you’re giving up on me?”
He gritted his teeth. “Because believe it or not, Jana, I do want you to be happy. And I clearly still make you very, very unhappy.” She’d never heard anyone say they wanted her to be happy with so much venom in their voice before. She didn’t understand it. She didn’t understand him. “If you want that job, I’ll do whatever I can to help you get it. If you want references, I’ll give them. If you want to go back to avoiding me for the rest of your life, I’ll deal.” His voice was low. It scratched like fingernails on granite. “If you want to regret me every day, go ahead. I won’t fight you.”
He sounded nothing like himself. This was no easygoing Anil, her amicable co-parenting partner. His constant charm had made him more frustrating than anyone else in the world to her. He made her want to scream.
She didn’twanthim to surrender. She didn’t want him to give up on her. She couldn’t imagine going back to how they were before, but she couldn’t imagine anything else, either.
She should leave. Fighting wasn’t helping anyone—it was only making her feelings for him more complicated.
Jana turned and put her hand on the doorknob, ready to open it and go back out into the Tanzanian wilds, when he spoke again with a low voice. “When Kamila was talking about scandals and regrets, your mind went to me immediately, right?”
She didn’t turn to look at him. And she didn’t wipe the tear that was making a trail down her cheek. “Why are you asking?”
He snorted. “Because I’m a glutton for punishment.”
She turned sharply. “Why are you doing this to me, Anil? Why do you insist on talking about this and rehashing it forever? Why can’t we just—”
He put his hands up in frustration. “I don’t know how long you’re going to torture me for a mistake I fucking regret more than anything in the world! Ineedto move on. I need tolive…I can’t exist in this purgatory you’ve left me in forever!”
