Aimee and I had been friends for over a decade. As long as Cass and me. Aimee had done all the concept art for the fairies, so it would be better if she were still on my team.
“You sure?” I hadn’t forgiven her for letting her boyfriend send that picture to Earl’s Whispers. But I did want the chance to repair our friendship.
She looked back at the guys. “Absolutely.”
On the way home, the three of us made plans for how to enter the competition as a new team. And the next day, we sent out feelers for new members, telling them we’d be meeting Monday after school. In a surprise twist, MissZhao stopped me in the hallway and told me she was jumping ship, too, and wanted to be our adviser. She explained she’d roped Mr.Patel into being adviser for Jayden’s team. She also was planning to speak to some math and science teachers to see if they had any students who would be interested in joining us.
Thursday morning I got a call from Muniba. She didn’t tell me much about how Daniel was doing but said that his uncle had allowed him to stay in the baking project—as long as I wasn’t working with him. I had all my volunteer hours—so I didn’tneedto work at the shelter anymore. But Daniel did need them, so I agreed to walk away from the baking project. I asked Muniba if I could still volunteer there—maybe in another role, and when Daniel wasn’t present—and she said absolutely. She would ask around in the other areas to see where I was needed, and she’d call me next week.
By the time our new game-dev team met on Monday, we had nine kids from all grades—all either girls, nonbinary, or LGBTQ2+ kids. After our first meeting, I could already see it was a hell of a lot more fun than working with the old team.
I heard Kavita wasn’t planning to come back to Earl’s after her suspension, which was wise since the backlash over Earl’s Whispers final post—the one outing Daniel for having lived in the shelter—was still going strong. In fact, a grade-eleven girl who’d come to the shelter that night to help find Yasmin started a new club at school to fundraise and donate a backpack full of toys, books, and school supplies to each kid at the shelter. They also planned to donate a purse filled with makeup,skin care, and feminine products for each woman there. I joined the club immediately.
Earl’s Whispers may have been gone, but Earl’s was still full of gossip. In fact, someone told me early in the week that Devin and Hana had broken up. Strangely, however, Jayden and Aimee were still together. Aimee didn’t mention Jayden when I was with her, but then we didn’t really talk about anything other than the game-dev team. I found I didn’t miss my old friend group at all.
But despite things going well at school, I was still sad. I missed Daniel. So much. I’d texted him so many times, but there was never an answer. I assumed his uncle didn’t give him his phone back. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again.
Thursday after school, Cass and I went to a local café. “You’re looking longingly at cakes again,” Cass said while we were waiting for our drinks.
“Those are blondies. Which makes them a square, not a cake. Not a cookie, either.” Was my chest going to clench like this every time I saw squares and bars from now on?
When we were seated at a table with our coffees, Cass gave me a look. “Have you heard from him at all?” they asked.
“Who?”
“Um, Daniel? Duh.”
“No.”
They narrowed one eye. “I’ve been trying to figure it out. You’ve been so different from when you broke up with Devin. I wondered if maybe you weren’t as invested in the relationship with Daniel or as into him as you were with Devin and that’s why this breakup is easier.”
I shook my head. “Iwasinto him. A lot. I know we weren’t together long, but I never felt like that about anyone.” I was in love with him, but I didn’t want to admit that out loud.
“But you’re coping better. I haven’t had to smack you upside the head once this week.”
I laughed. Cass was right. Iwascoping. Why? The easy answer was that it wasn’t really a breakup. Daniel and I had agreed not to commit to each other until after the dance. Plus, I wasn’t mourning a long-term relationship, just the potential for a future together.
But there was more to it.
“When Devin broke up with me, it felt like I was losing more than just a boyfriend. I was losing an identity I’d kind of grown attached to. I’d been Devin’s girlfriend. One half of the Earl Jones power couple. I was upset because I felt like I’d lost that. Or lost the person I wanted everyone to see me as,” I said. “This time, I lost the guy, but not my own identity.” I paused. “I am upset, though.” I glanced over at the display case of pies and other baked goods at the counter. “I will probably burst into tears the next time I smell a pie baking.”
Cass smiled. “Who needs therapy when you can figure this shit out on your own?”
I chuckled. “But seriously. ImissDaniel, and I am so, so utterly sorry that I messed up so much for him. And I am so, so grateful to him for ... for beinghim, right when I needed it. I wish I could tell him how much he helped me put everything into perspective.”
“Youshouldtell him.”
I frowned. “Maybe when you tell Owen how you really feel about him? Did you agree to go out with him yet?”
Cass blushed. “You’re changing the subject, Samaya.”
“Cass! You can’t be cagey with Owen forever! You know he’s into you, and you admitted you’ve been into him since, what ... July?” I paused. “I said you could smack some sense into me when I start acting irrational. Can I do the same with you?”
They tilted their head. “This isn’t about me ... it’s aboutyou. Tell Daniel how much you care. This isDaniel... he’s a big ol’ emotional sap. Things might be a mess for him right now, but I think hearingabout how well you’re doing will make him feel better. He’s a helping-people kind of person.”
I sighed. It was possible that Daniel wanted nothing to do with me. Or maybe Cass was right, and hearing I was doing okay would make him feel a little bit better. If that was true, I wanted to give him that.
I could send him an email. Emails were noninvasive. If Daniel didn’t want to hear from me, he didn’t have to open it. And I doubted his uncle was screening his school account.
