I laughed. “Oh, she absolutely is not that type of person, but it doesn’t keep the feelings of guilt at bay.”
“I get that.” Jules’s voice was soft. “And the childhood trauma? How does that tie in?”
I ran my free hand through my hair. “I mean, beyond what I already told you about my parents…”
“Yeah, they sound like real peaches.” Her voice was scornful. “I’d like to have a word with them.”
The image of Jules going toe-to-toe with my mother and father was interesting. I immediately had the protective instinct that had popped up earlier to keep her away from them. I also had a warm feeling that she even wanted totryto defend me. The only person who had done that for me before was Ivy.
I smiled at Jules. “You’re like a ferocious little kitten.”
She blushed while attempting to deny it.
“No, that’s a compliment.” I tried to think of how to put my feelings into words. “I think it fucks with a person to grow up without a support system. I’m not sure if people know how lucky they are to have supportive parents at their back. Ivy, once we became friends, was all I really had. Well, along with an employee of my parents. I think that’s why I was so upset when I found out last year that Ivy had really struggled to make ends meet after having Addie.” I looked down at my hand on Jules’s. I hadn’t let go because it gave me the feeling of support. “I feltlike I was no better than my parents—at least they had offered financial support when I was a kid.”
“Noah.” Jules’s voice was firm. “Did you offer support to Ivy?”
I met her determined gaze and shrugged. “Well, yes, but she turned me down, so I started a college fund for Addie instead, but if I had known they were struggling that first year…”
“So how is that not supporting your child?” She didn’t let up.
I slid my hand away so I could sit back on the stool and ran my hands over my face. I knew what she was saying, but it didn’t change what I felt. I was overwhelmed, thinking of my parents, their dismissive nature, the memories of wanting to be righting the wrongs in the world while also feeling the tug to be here. It was a lot.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to tell you how to feel.” Jules’s voice was smaller.
Jesus, I was fucking this up. “No, babe, I don’t think that.” I sighed in frustration. “I’m just trying to figure out how to put feelings into words, and it’s all mucked up.”
We sat there in silence, and typically that was hard for me. I wanted to fill it, to make everyone around me comfortable. That afternoon, however, it felt peaceful as I sorted out my thoughts. I was struggling to understand how to tell Jules where my mind had been, but if I needed some time, I somehow knew she was fine with that. The sound ofBlueyfloated in from the television, and the mouthwatering scent of chocolate chip cookies was still in the air. Interestingly, I noted that for it being only my second time in Jules’s home, I was comfortable there.
“Before Addie, I didn’t know if I’d ever have kids.” My eyes welled up with all that I might have missed. Without hesitation, Jules slid her hand into mine and squeezed. “My parents were such shit role models; I had no desire to inflict that upon a kid.”
Jules gave me space to think before continuing and waited patiently.
“Ivy and I had known each other for what feels like forever, but I think the main reason we got together was that neither of us has much, if anything, in the way of family beside our parents—and neither set is winning any awards. However, she’d be the first to tell you that mine make hers look tame. Once we realized we were better off as friends, she helped me plan for my jump to Africa and then”—I looked to where Addie was chilling out and got choked up—“the best thing ever happened.”
Jules squeezed my hand but stayed quiet.
“My mother and father’s reactions were predictable. They were taking any money I had coming and cutting me off if I continued to be ‘foolish’ in going overseas. They also said they wouldn’t recognize Addie as their grandchild.” I shrugged, downplaying how their coldness cut like a knife. “I didn’t want or need their money and hadn’t expected them to continue to support me financially anyway. But Addie…”
Jules gave up on the silent listening and let out what sounded like a small growl before speaking. “How could they be so cruel?”
I snorted without humor. “It’s so par for the course with them; I wasn’t even surprised. For my whole life, they’ve worked to control my actions. Most of the time it was easier to comply, at least by appearances, and do what I wanted out of sight. And honestly, when they said they were cutting us both off, I didn’t fight it. I want them to stay as far away from Addie as possible, so that didn’t have the effect they’d intended.” I bit my lower lip, thinking back on what I learned upon moving to Highland—the truth Ivy had kept from me because she’d known what my reaction would be. “I just wished I’d known Ivy needed money.”
“That’s exactly why I made sure you didn’t know.”
I looked up to see Ivy walking into the kitchen from Jules’s front door, which I hadn’t even heard open.
“Iv—” I started.
“Nope.” She made a slicing motion with her hand. “Sorry you’re going to be here for this, Jules, but this stubborn man needs to hear me, and you get to be my witness.”
Jules’s smile stretched wide as she sat up. “Glad to.”
“I feel ganged up on,” I grumbled.
“Tough,” Ivy said. “Noah, I knowexactlywhat your parents are like, and I was so damn proud of you for growing up in that toxic bullshit but still being a kindhearted person who didn’t care about the privilege he’d been given but still wanted to go out there and right some wrongs.That’sthe legacy you gave our daughter—a father she can look up to for his ideals. So what if we struggled at the beginning? Yes, I was stressed, and no, I never want to experience it again. That’s why I’m cautious with money. But not one time did I resent you or feel like you weren’t a supportive dad, Noah. You need to get past that. If I had really needed it, you have to know I would have gotten ahold of you.” She looked pissed, which was not an expression Ivy wore often.
I put my hands up to get her to stop her soapbox moment. Otherwise, she’d keep going for certain. “You win, Ivy. I’ll work on it.”
