He shook his head in mock disappointment. “It’s like you don’t even know me.”
“Bowls please.” I moved to the couch in our family room, sitting on the section where I could still see Aidan working on dinner. I tamped down the feeling that I should tell Aidan to take a break because he’d been with the baby all day. I knew he’d tell me he was fine and to park myself right where I was.
“So how was she?” I asked, putting my feet on the coffee table and leaning Mia back against my thighs so I could bicycle her little legs.
Aidan didn’t look up from his food prep as he answered. “Great all day; started getting cranky just before five.”
“In other words, the usual,” I said, working to get a smile from our gassy little girl. For her first month, anytime from five to seven in the evening was pure hell on earth. She’d scream no matter what we did, and I felt like a failure. Lately she just got fussy, and I was grateful for it.
Aidan laughed from the stove where he was stirring some rice. “Exactly.”
“Last bottle?”
“A little after two,” he said with a glance toward the clock. At a quarter past five, that meant I was up.
I pulled Mia toward me and slid back to the corner of the couch, grabbing pillows to support the two of us as she nursed. Once I got her situated, she started smacking her lips, knowing where this little dance was headed.
Nursing had been hell at first. I couldn’t say why I’d stuck with it—I strongly believed formula was absolutely fine and didn’t buy into the idea that nursing made you a better mother or the pressure that society put on women. There was just something inside me that really wanted it to work. And thus, through much trial and error, we were finally at this place where it was a moment with my baby that I loved.
Some days nursing felt like the only thing I was doingwell, even though it was still a pain in the butt to pump and leaking was the bane of my existence. But this? These moments where Mia would curl her little body around my waist and one tiny hand would almost pat my side as if to saygood job, Mama? Yeah, I lived for it.
Mia’s rhythmic sucking and the low music had me feeling sleepy as I snuggled deeper into the couch, unwinding from the day. Typically Mia nursed at both sides each feeding and, sure enough, I felt her getting restless when she was ready to switch. By almost rote memory at this point, I reached down to help her unlatch. We did a quick burp before resuming on the other side. Once she was settled, I looked up to see Aidan’s gaze on the two of us from the kitchen island.
I looked down at myself and felt as unsexy as I’d ever been. The wrap dress and nursing bra were convenient, sure. You could just tug down and access what was needed without much work. But it only lent to the feeling of frumpiness I was struggling with. Heck, I felt splayed out here—wet boob, milk smeared around. I’m sure I was a vision. No wonder Aidan hadn’t seemed interested in sex. Who would?
“She out?” Aidan asked as he pulled down the bowls for dinner, making me wonder if he’d even noticed my lack of sex appeal of late.
I glanced down at Mia, running my finger over her cheek. Her brown eyes popped open, locking on mine. They’d been blue-gray at birth, and I’d wondered if my blue eyes could hold strong against Aidan’s brown ones, but no go. Then again, it had been years since I’d learned about recessive and dominant genes, but I knew mine weren’t as strong as his. His brown hair had already won the battle over my blond, not that Mia had much to write home about yet.
“Nope, still with us,” I replied as she gave me a milky smile. Good Lord, I felt that one in my soul.
“Want me to dish your food up for you?” Aidan said as he pulled together the last bit of our meal.
My mouth watered when the spicy scent from the chicken hit me. “Sure.”
Aidan made quick work of assembling our burrito bowls, then came over to the couch and set up an activity mat we’d gotten at one of our showers. It had toys and a mirror arcing over Mia while she lay on her back, and she’d kick and wave her arms, knocking into toys and fortunately entertaining herself long enough for us to eat a meal together.
Aidan took Mia from me and slid her under the toys as I got myself back together. He handed me a bowl from the coffee table as he sank onto the couch with me, both of us in opposite corners, Mia just a step away.
I took a bite and sent my gratitude out to Aidan’s mom, Sophia. Not only was she amazing to the point that I was closer to her than my own mom, she was also a fabulous cook and had taught both her boys to take after her. Then again, Aidan and his brother Declan had lost their dad, Joe, when Aidan was ten and Declan was eight. I knew Aidan had stepped up into a caretaker role at that point, as much as Sophia tried to stop him and get him to be a kid.
Heck, clearly, he was still living that role. At this point, I figured it was part of his DNA.
Looking his way, I gave a soft smile to my guy. I still loved him even though I was seriously wondering when, if ever, we’d get back to who we were. He was just sogood.Like a darn golden retriever. Loyal and true.
“This is delicious, babe.”
“Thanks,” he said, then kicked a gift bag on the coffee table that I had somehow missed. “Ben stopped by today.”
Ben was a deputy at the sheriff’s department with Aidan.
“And he brought a gift?”
“It’s from the guys.”
I considered the gift bag. It was Christmas themed with red and green tissue paper sticking out of the top. “Did you open it?”
“Wanted to wait for you.” Aidan nodded toward the bag. “Go ahead.”
