“It seems tonight is the night for talks—lots of them.” He stepped over to our bed, pulling back the flannel duvet decked out in candy canes that I hadn’t been able to resist buying. It made our bedroom look like Christmas—the duvet, the red flannel checked bedding, red berries in a white vase, and a green wreath above our bed.
My parents hadn’t been big decorators for holidays. Still weren’t. They said they had too much to do with semester finals at the university. Which I always knew came first. And honestly, for most holidays I was fine with no decor, except Christmas. Before Mia, I’d been a little over the top. Now, well, let’s just say that if I didn’t rein it in, we’d need a storage shed soon.
It helped focusing on my holiday decor and not the man I loved stripping down to his black boxer briefs and sliding into our bed. Damn. He was gorgeous. That tan skin taut over his abdominals made my core feel electrified. Why was I freaking out again?
Aidan lay down and pulled me into bed, then braced himself on an elbow as he scanned my face. What he was looking for, I wasn’t sure. I was still in my pajama pants and tank, but I could feel the heat of his body seeping through the fabric. He looked at me with endless patience, which I knew to be true. Part of me thought we should just jump into some foreplay and see how it went—maybe that would be easier. The damn man wanted to talk—more—and I felt vulnerable and exposed already.
He pressed another kiss to my temple, which made me melt. “So… Afraid, huh? Let’s talk about that.”
I rolled to my back with a huff. Staring at the ceiling was easier. “Where do you want to start?”
“How about the beginning.” He lay down, shoulder to shoulder with me, on his back. That helped somehow, not looking at him for this conversation.
“Um, well see, we haven’t had sex for four months.” Yep, if I’d had on my Apple watch, I would for sure have gotten a high-heart-rate notification.
“You don’t say.” His voice was filled with amusement. It would have stressed me out more if he hadn’t snaked his pinky finger over to hook into mine. Somehow that little touch gave me confidence. “Babe, lay it on me. I’m well aware of our timeline. What are you worried about?”
I took a deep breath, then let it all out, one fear after another, rolling through them until my chest was heaving and silence filled the room. Well, along with Isbell singing “Cover Me Up” about his wife in the song that always made me cry. I guess all relationships had highs and lows.
“That it?” Aidan asked, squeezing my pinky.
“Is that it? Isn’t that a lot?” My breath still wasn’t even.
He rolled, letting go of my hand to hook a leg over my lower body and pull me to him. “Let’s hit those concerns—all valid babe—one at a time. One, if this hurts, we stop and figure it out. Two, if you leak, you leak.”
I winced.
“Gracie, I’m not grossed out or anything. If it makes you feel better, you can leave on your tank or I can grab a towel, but sex is messy. And I’ve read about sex after kids and sex while nursing. I’m betting you’ll get aroused, but I’m not some delusional hero in one of your romance books. I’m well aware that aroused doesn’t always mean wet and wet doesn’t always mean aroused, so we can use lube.”
I felt the flush from my belly to my chest to my cheeks. “Aidan,” I whispered, meeting his gaze.
“Just saying, Gracie, we have options. Lube’s great. Moving on. I’m pretty sure I can get you to orgasm, but if I can’t, you’ve got toys and I know how to use them. Or if having that as a goal is too much, we can just have fun, and if we orgasm, cool; if not, we spent time together.”
My heart rate was approaching normal levels. I mean, in my chest, but the pulse in my core was beating out its own rhythm and speaking up to say it was on board with some activity tonight.
“As for not being attracted to you in this body of yours that has had some changes. No. Fucking. Way.”
I turned to watch the dancing flame, breaking contact with his heated look. The flickering candle made it hard to see his eyes fully, but I knew they were locked on me, and looking straight on was just too difficult.
I found my voice even if it wavered. “I’m just saying my belly isn’t the same. And my boobs are big and sometimes wet. And the stretch marks won’t ever be going away…”
Aidan rolled over me, pinning me under him. “Grace Vivian Kane Russo—”
“I didn’t keep my maiden name.”
“Don’t care. You need all the names right now.” He brushed my hair back from my eyes, pressed a kiss to my lips, and then leaned down to whisper into my ear like he wanted the message to sink in deep. “Woman, you are gorgeous.” His warm breath against my ear and neck gave me goose bumps. “You were before you had Mia, you are now, you will be if and when we have more children. I am attracted toyou”—he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my neck—“the you that you are inside. The stuff on the outside is just decoration. I love the you who sings like a fool in the kitchen, dancing with Baxter.”
I choked out a laugh even though tears were welling up and I was powerless to stop them.
Aidan was not deterred. “I’m crazy about the woman who is fanatical about finding more money to help run the programs at the library. The person you are when you’re fired up about topics you’re passionate about brings me to my knees.”
“Fuck the patriarchy,” I whispered.
“Bring on the matriarchy,” he whispered back.
“I love your loyalty, your passion, your kindness. Watching you with Mia makes me know with complete certainty that she’s the luckiest girl in the world to be raised by you. And whether you are the size and shape you were, are, or whatever you become, seeing you in a wrap dress with boots will never fail to make me hard.”
Tears were free-falling down my face. “I love you so much.” My throat felt raw, but so did my soul.
