I guess Reed did see something. Did he have some kind of LGBTQIA+ crystal ball or something? Is that why he’d picked me?
“I think Reed tends to gravitate toward people who need this the most. The team, I mean. The job and the security of being with people they can feel safe around,” Jameson said.
“This little found family,” Remy said. “We’re teammates, but we’re also brothers.”
“Yeah, exactly,” Jameson said like Remy had put it perfectly. Then he rolled his eyes and shook his head. Couldn’t get too mushy here. “I’m Bi. Always known it. Always accepted it. When I married Kelly—” I opened my mouth to ask what the hell he was talking about— because…married?!— but he stopped me with a hand in the air. “I knew she was it for me. I loved her with everything I had in me. I didn’t need anyone or anything else because she gave me everything I needed. Then she died, and I swore I’d never let anyone in again. I only slept with men casually because, as stupid as it was, I never wanted another woman to take a piece of me. I wanted to keep them all for her.” He took a deep breath. “Then I went and fell for Nick.”
“Fucked your plan up real bad, didn’t it?” I teased, no asshole tone in there.
“Yep,” Jameson said, but there was no regret in his tone. Actually, I would have sworn I heard a smile in that one word, even though his face was blank.
“You could need a deeper connection,” Remy said. When I looked over at him, he gave a little half shrug, like it wasn’t that big of a deal. Like there was a perfectly good explanation for how I was. “Maybe you’re demisexual.”
“Demi… sexual?” I stared at him like he was talking a different language.
“I’m no expert, but I think it means you have to know someone to feel attraction toward them. It’s based more on an emotional connection,” Remy said. “Maybe you should do some research on it. You know, see if that feels right to you?”
“Okay, yeah. I mean, that kinda sounds right. My heart didn’t start fluttering all weird until after I began noticing little pieces of him. Hearing his stories. Being around him constantly for days. Seeing how he cares about people.” Until I learned who the man behind the badge was. “And I totally have lusty eyes for him now.” My cheeks went a little pink as I admitted it. “So, since I’m attracted to him, does that mean I’m gay?”
Remy’s cheeks puffed out and he slowly released a long breath.
“I can’t answer that for you,” Remy said.
I looked to Jameson.
“Means you got some queer in you,” he said, and I would have sworn his lips tipped up in a ghost of a smile.
“Maybe I’m just Fordsexual,” I said, then busted out laughing. Remy laughed with me, and I felt Jameson chuckling on the inside.
That was ridiculous on so many levels. But I had to admit it was kind of cute too… and it felt right. I think that was one best kept to this circle.
“I’m just kidding,” I said. “I feel like you should welcome me to the club or something.”
“That’s about all of the Austin I can take for today,” Jameson said as he began to rise.
Remy chuckled under his breath.
“Sit,” I said practically pushing him back in the chair. “I’ll stop.” I pressed my lips in a thin line and mimed zipping it.
Jameson stayed. I managed to be quiet for five minutes, but I tried my hardest not to purposely annoy him for the rest of the night.
Once my beer was done, all I could think about was heading back inside to find Ford. With any luck, I’d find him waiting in bed for me.
I hoped he didn’t see me as needy. I didn’t want to smother him, but all I could think about was being near him all the time.
Was this obsession? Possession? The start of something toxic and unhealthy? Or was it because I had all these new things blooming in my life and I wanted to hold onto them— hold on to Ford?
I pushed to my feet.
“Thanks, guys. This has been really helpful,” I said, feeling much lighter than I had when I first walked out here.
30
Ford
The whisper of a knock sounded on the bedroom door right before the handle turned, giving no warning whatsoever had I been indisposed.
Austin stuck his head in, and the shy smile on his face nearly did me in.
