I lean in closer and practice my smile, like I've done so many times before, as of recently. I'm a pro at this shit now.
It even looks real.
With a sigh, I begin to change, just like I promised.
Using the restroom first, I stare down in confusion.
"How has my period still not started!?" I whisper into the silence. This is the second one I’ve missed. I blamed stress for the first one. But another? “It’s not like I’ve fucked anyone since—”
As the words escape my mouth, my heart sinks further, and my breath hitches.
No.
Fuck no.
A day later, I find myself in my gynecologist's office first thing in the morning, desperate for obvious answers.
"The test came back positive. You are indeed pregnant, " the doctor says in a compassionate tone. She's gentle. I should appreciate that, but I don't—not right now.
"The twelve at-home tests I took told me that. What I want to know is how. I only missed two pills in the past couple of months." My voice catches, and the tears flow.
She nods. "Two missed pills could definitely be the answer to your question." Her voice remains even and consoling as I sit there and sob into my hands.
She steps forward and rubs my shoulder as she speaks. "We will schedule you to get an ultrasound. I believe a patient just cancelled, so we may be able to squeeze you in before we close. It should give us insight into how far along you are and the health of the fetus. I do want to inform you that since you have been taking birth control, there’s an increased risk of complications."
I don't respond. I don't even acknowledge her.
She continues explaining the possible complications, but I don't hear a single word she says.
All I can think of is that night.
The night that everything changed.
Chapter thirteen
Izzy
July 2017
I should have canceled. I can barely even look her in the eyes.
I couldn't bring myself to cancel, though—not on Via. She actually asked to get out of the house today. I know how big of a step that is for her, and I refuse to let her down. That’s why I decided to bring her to a new restaurant in New Orleans, Cafe Creole, known for its cultural vibes of the area. She needed a fresh scenery and to get out of Sugarland for a bit.
I keep staring down at my phone, willing for it to ring. I'm impatiently waiting for the doctor's office to call and let me know if they can get me in for my ultrasound today.
"Iz, are you okay?" Via's voice interrupts my racing thoughts.
"Mhm,"I murmur, pulling my attention to her. “Sorry, what was the question?”
"I asked you what the doctor said."
I swallow the lump invading my throat. "It's just a cold. I'll survive," I lie with a forced smile, the one that I've mastered so well.
She nods and looks down at her food, playing with it more than eating it. She's barely been eating lately, and my concern is growing by the day. She's lost so much weight.
"Hey," I say softly, placing a hand over hers. Her eyes dart up to meet mine, and now I'm face-to-face with her sorrow. It radiates in her gaze.
I should say something comforting, sentimental, or encouraging, but I just don't have it in me.
