“But does she choose Clark or Dane? How does she bring down the System?”
“Annie! I said stop!” Hot, angry tears make a reappearance. I’ve lost all ability to control my emotions. I’m usually so proud of myself for staying cool under pressure, just like Mom and Dad, but after Ryan’s confession, and now with Annie finding my book, I’m losing my head.
My outburst makes Annie drop her mouth open. “Claire. Why are you so afraid of anyone reading this?”
Not anyone, I think. I let Ryan read it. And Ryan loved it, too.
As if reading my mind, she asks, “Who knows about this?”
I shake my head.
“No one?”
I don’t say anything. I don’t want her to know about Ryan and what he means to me.
Meantto me.
She scoots closer, a little tentative. “I bet you could publish this. I have friends who are authors, some of them self-publish and some have agents. I could get you in contact with them?—”
I shake my head, cutting her off. “I’m not trying to turn this into anything.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” I wave a hand around. “It’s pointless, you know? I have a good job already. I’m not trying to quit or anything. It’s just something I’m doing for fun.”
“Then why did I find a query letter in your files?”
“You weresnooping?” I clench my jaw, furious at the invasion of my privacy.
“Claire, this is clearly something you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about, and it makes you happy. What’s wrong with that?”
“Because it’s just some dumb hobby.”
Annie narrows her eyes at me. “You’re hiding the best parts of yourself from everyone. And that includes you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She gestures at the computer. “This is fantastic.Youare fantastic. But you’re letting yourself fit into this mold of who you think you’re supposed to be. Or maybe it’s what other people think you should be.”
I don’t say anything. I’m still reeling from Ryan’s confession, which feels an awful lot like Annie’s accusation. Why do both of these things have to come up on the same night?
She sits back, folding her arms over her chest. “They’re keeping you down, Claire. Mom, Dad, Zach. You’re letting them hold you back.”
“They’re not.” I fix her with a glare and repeat myself. “They’renot. I’m happy. I have a great job that I love, and I’m getting married in two weeks. Things couldn’t be better.”
She scoffs. “Sure. You’re getting married toZach. He’s a moron, and you’re not even in love with him.”
“Yes, I am,” I hiss.
“No, you’re not. You know you haven’t brought him up once since I’ve been here? It’s like he’s a secondary piece to the wedding. Do you understand what you’re doing, getting married to him? He’s going to be your partner, for the rest of your life. Every decision will be made with him and for him. There’s no getting out of it.” She sits forward again and takes my hand in hers, her voice turning to pleading, and I get a flashback of Ryan doing this exact same thing. “Claire, please think about what you’re doing. Marriage isn’t about pleasing other people. If you’re not positive that he’s the one you can’t live without, then why would you tie yourself to him for the rest of your life?”
I pull my hand out of her grasp. “So what am I supposed to do?” I throw back at her. “Ditch everyone who loves me without an explanation, leaving a quick note that says I can’t take this anymore?”
The pain in her expression almost makes me apologize. Because we’ve never discussed what she did when she turned eighteen and how it broke me and our parents.
But I don’t want her to sit here and lecture me about my choices when she isn’t exactly my role model.
We stare at each other for a moment, the tears in her eyes mirroring the ones forming in mine. But sudden exhaustion takes over my body, my shoulders slump, and I can’t do this anymore.
