Completely abandoning any mission to impress Callum, I dress myself in my baggiest pair of sweatpants and an old national parks shirt. I’m comfy as fuck, so I don’t even care. When I pull back the sliding door, I see Callum standing over my induction stove-top making mac and cheese.
“I hope you don’t mind. I made us some road fuel.” He smiles gently and holds the bowl out for me.
Truly, I eat too much cheese around this man, but I can’t resist the pull and I scarf it down in two minutes flat. I start doing the dishes while he showers—it’s awkward thinking about this man who’s basically a stranger being in my space.
He’s less than five feet away from me, totally naked. Thankfully, he’s not in there for long. Callum dresses quickly and puts the bikes back without me having to ask or assist in any way. I should offer to drive back since I’m sober now, but I would very much prefer to sit in the passenger seat reading my kindle.
There’s a collection of flashlights coming our way. Part of me had hoped we’d be long gone before they all decided to follow. Reid is carrying that blue haired girl on his back—she looks too drunk to walk by herself. He makes eye contact with me through the window and offers a sad smile. Party boy Reid looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here.
Callum gets us back to Whistler in record time, or maybe it just feels that way. I’m pretty sure I drifted off at one point. I rub my eyes. “Thanks for driving us.”
I know I was exhausted before, but whatever micro-nap I goton the drive has me feeling wide awake. He turns off my van and hands me the keys.
He’s smiling politely as he says, “You’re welcome.”
Callum leans over the center console and brushes his lips ever so slightly against my own. I feel nothing, not even the slightest glimmer of a spark this time. Disappointment floods my body, and I feel it soaking into him too. I try to remember the way his fingers felt on my thighs, but it’s out of my reach. He feels it and pulls back. “You’re in love with Reid, aren’t you?”
His tone is calm, almost like he pities me. There’s only one way to answer this. I sigh, “Yeah, I am.”
I can’t believe I’m that obvious. Everyone on the circuit must know.
His rough fingers trail down my arm in a comforting way. He feels bad for me. He knows Reid will never go for me. “I’m sorry for leading you on.”
I really am sorry. I tried my best, but I should have known I wasn’t ready. I shouldn’t have dragged him through this with me.
“Don’t be sorry.” His expression is genuine. “I got to hang out with one of the most beautiful, bad ass riders out there. I got the good end of the deal here.”
I know he’s just trying to make me feel better, but it makes me smile anyways. He starts to climb out of the van, and I call back to him, “Good luck tomorrow!”
Hopefully, he and I can stay friends. I truly do enjoy his company, just not as much as I enjoy Reid’s—even when I’m mad at him.
22
The stars lead the way back to the campsite, but Reid isn’t here yet. Who knows if he will be back tonight. Maybe he’ll leave me out here alone while he goes to the blue haired girl’s room.
Once I park, I close up all of the windows and double lock all of the doors. I make sure to add the interior lock to the side door, and then I get ready for bed. I scrub my lips—they feel dirty. Callum barely touched them with his own, but it felt so wrong. I have to remove any evidence of it.
He was the first guy I’ve kissed in alongtime. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the problem, because it never feels like they describe it in books. It always starts off feeling good—warm, nice—but it never goes past that. Never reaches my toes and makes me curl into it.
My bed feels lumpy. I can’t get myself comfortable, so I lay there watching videos of Chloe riding, reminding myself how lucky I am to be able to ride again instead of focusing on the fear. I send her a text telling her how much I respect her, and it makes me feel a fraction better. Just as quickly, I’m reminded how much time I wasted pushing her away. I need to be betterabout telling people I love them. What if she had died today and I had to face that failure forever?
Headlights stream in through a sliver of exposed window by my bed. I left it open some so I could see if Reid came back. He did. I’m disappointed by the relief that swarms me—I swat it away, but it comes right back.
The gravel shifts under his tires, and I hear the faint sound of his van shutting off. I should let him know he can shower, but I don’t. He’s the last person I want to see tonight. I hold my breath while I wait to hear if he’s going to come knock on my door.
He doesn’t. I’m not sure why I’m surprised. I’m sure he showered with that girl.
My meditation app streams through my ears, and I’m convincing myself to relax when I hear the lock on my door being fiddled with. Panic surges through me, and I fumble for my mace and pocket knife.
The person at the door is mumbling angrily. It doesn’t sound like they have innocent intentions. I swallow deeply and prepare to shank them as hard as I can with my measly pocket knife.
I swing the door open, forcing the dark figure backwards as I shine the flashlight of my phone right at it. Mace at the ready, my heart thumps hard against my rib cage.
“Addie, stop. Fuck—stop!”
It’s Reid, and he’s shielding his eyes with his arms. Even though he’s not an actual intruder, I hit him with the edge of my phone. “Why would you scare me like that!”
“I have a key!”
