‘No.It’s not about you.It’s about… I was scared.It’s a long story.’
‘Wanna come out here and talk about it?I’m a good listener.At least that’s what my imaginary friend used to tell me when I was a kid!’
A soft laugh echoed from behind the door.
That was a good sign.
I heard footsteps then the sound of the door being unlocked.I stood back, to give Halle room as she stepped outside.
‘Come sit,’ I said, this time leading her to the sofa.I wanted to reassure her that sex was off the table, so the bed didn’t seem appropriate.
She followed me then sat down in silence.
I didn’t pressure her to talk, instead I just waited until she felt ready.
‘I haven’t slept with anyone in years because… because of the way my ex betrayed me.And what he… gave to me.’ Halle’s gaze dropped to the floor.
‘What did he give you?’ I asked, my heart hammering in my chest.
‘He…’ She took a deep breath.‘That’s how I found out he cheated, because he gave me… a sexually transmitted disease.Well, more than one.He gave me crabs and… chlamydia.’
‘Motherfucker,’ I said, grinding my jaw.‘Halle.I’m so sorry.’
‘Yeah.’ Her shoulders slumped.‘It was pretty traumatising.I was sitting on white sheets one morning and suddenly saw what looked like a little insect crawling in the bed.I was horrified.But then I saw another.And another…’
‘Shit.’
‘I hated creepy crawlies at the best of times so to realise that I literally had an infestation of them in my… sorry.You don’t need to know the details.Anyway, I went straight to the sexual health clinic and got tested and something to treat it.’
‘What did that asshole say when you confronted him?’
‘When I mentioned it, first he said it was nothing to do with him.That I’d got them because I wasn’t clean enough.I felt so ashamed.But when I double-checked the leaflets the clinic had given me, it said it had nothing to do with that.So when I told him that it couldn’t have been down to me, he said he’d shared someone’s towel by mistake on tour and must’ve caught it from there.’
‘What a dick.’
‘At first I gave him the benefit of the doubt.But when the clinic called to say that I also had chlamydia, then I knew for sure, because that can only be sexually transmitted.And I hadn’t slept with anyone except Brett since my last check-up, so I knew it was him.I was so angry and this time when I confronted him I went mad.’
‘Good for you.’
‘He denied it at first but then owned up.He said it was unrealistic and selfish of me to expect him to stay faithful when there were so many women that wanted him.He said any man would do the same.That he was only human and it was best if we broke up because it couldn’t work long term.“We’re going in different directions,” he’d said.“I’m a big star now and I need someone who understands the business.Who moves in the same circles.And that’s never gonna be you.”’
‘You’re fucking kidding?’ Anger bubbled in my veins.
‘Nope.He didn’t even apologise.’
‘The guy’s a jerk.You’re better off without him.’
‘I know.It didn’t feel like it at the time, but in a strange way I’m glad that he gave me crabs, otherwise I might not have got checked out and I wouldn’t have known about the chlamydia.Most of the time the doctor said there are no visible symptoms.And if it goes undetected it can make you infertile.’
‘That’s fucked up.’ I clenched my fist.If I saw that guy right now, I’d knock him out for what he did to Halle.I knew he was bad news, but I didn’t realise he was that reckless.Everyone understood how important it was to wrap your dick up.
‘Yeah.So because of that I’ve found it hard to trust.To date.To get intimate with someone again.I seize up.I worry if they’re going to give me something.Yeah, a condom protects against most things, but not everything and even though it happened years ago, it still makes me feel dirty and ashamed.I feel like if a guy finds out, he won’t want to touch me, I mean, Brett never went down on me because he thought I wasn’t clean enough, and that wasbeforehe gave me those diseases, so what man would want me now?’
‘Halle.’ I took her hands in mine.‘I’m sorry that he did this to you and damaged your confidence.But the right man will know that what happened to you was in the past and it wasn’t your fault.And he’ll be grateful for the opportunity to be with you.’
‘Thanks, but you don’t have to just say that to make me feel better.’
‘It’s the truth.You got treated, so although I understand that the psychological wounds might still feel raw, anyone with half a brain would know they have nothing to fear from being with you.Don’t let his selfish actions stop you from enjoying being intimate again.As long as you’re safe, you’ll be fine.’
