She nodded.
‘You’re right.Youarea good listener.Do you want to try again?Or has this conversation put you off?Telling someone about your past STIs is hardly sexy.’ She winced.
‘Wanna know the truth?’
‘Please.Even if it hurts, the truth is a million times better than a bunch of lies.’
Hearing that made my stomach twist because I hadn’t been honest about why I was here.Iwouldtell her though.Not because of what she just said, but because it was the right thing to do.Especially after what she’d been through.But not now.One battle at a time.
‘You think that telling me about your past would deter me, but it actually makes me like you more.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Yep.Because it takes guts to tell the truth.Especially when it’s not pretty.I’m not glad that you had to go through that, but I’m glad that you felt safe enough to tell me about it.A lot of people wouldn’t bother.Hell, some people know they have STIs and don’t give a shit.They sleep with people anyway.That’s why I always wear a condom.’
‘Good.’
‘I know I have a reputation and it’s true that I screwed around a lot in the past, but I always wrapped up and got tested regularly.And as for whether I want to try again,hell, yeah. If I had the chance, I’d spread you out on that bed right now and not just to fuck you with my dick.I’d happily eat your pussy like it was my first meal in weeks.’
Halle’s eyes bulged and her lips parted which made my cock twitch.Her ex might not have appreciated the amazing woman he had, but I was ready to worship Halle’s body like she deserved.
‘But not right now,’ I added.‘You need time to really think about whether you’re ready.Especially because…’ I paused, knowing she wasn’t gonna like what I was about to say.‘Because I can’t make any promises about what will happen after we leave.Like I told you, my life’s in the crapper right now, so I can’t offer you a relationship.’
‘Wait, what?’ Halle’s jaw dropped and her forehead creased.
‘I said I’m not looking for a relationship.’ Silence filled the air and I was desperate to fill it.‘I know it’s a shitty thing to say, considering this is the whole point of being here, but it’s complicated…’
Halle’s mouth was still wide open and I could tell she was trying to process what I’d just said.
‘I know it’s probably a shock so…’ I didn’t know what to say.There was no way to elaborate without telling Halle everything, which would freak her out.But the least I could do was be clear about what Icouldoffer and see whether that’d be enough.‘I like you.And I’d like to spend more time with you.With or without sex.Although, truthfully, I’d love to have sex with you, because you’re fine as hell.’
‘Th-thanks,’ she stuttered.
Yep. She was still in shock.I had to say something to make it better.I should focus on the positives, right?Glass half full, not half empty.
‘I know it’s not what you’re looking for but maybe not getting into something long term doesn’t have to be a bad thing?Without sounding cocky, I know that I can show you how great it feels to sleep with a real man.So maybe you could use me.Y’know, to get back into your sexual groove again.’
I stopped talking and waited for her reaction.I probably sounded like a douche saying she could ‘use me’ like I wouldn’t get pleasure from it too.
But what I’d said was true.I couldn’t have a relationship.So that was all I could offer.I didn’t want anything in return.I sure as shit wasn’t gonna use her to help my situation.If it gave her more confidence, that was enough for me.
Any minute now she was gonna laugh in my face and tell me she didn’t need my ‘help’.Instead she said nothing.It was better I gave her some space.
‘I’m gonna head to my room to shower and get ready for tonight,’ I said.‘You good, or you want me to stay?’
‘No.’ She looked up at me briefly before dropping her gaze to the floor.‘Thanks for being honest.’
My chest tightened again.Yes, I was honest, but I hadn’t told her the whole truth and I really should.
I’d do it.
Later.
Soon.
Just not right now.
29
