I was hoping that Vanessa of all people would reassure me that I’d forget about Jake soon.
‘I’ve got a feeling that you’re right.’
‘Butbetter to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right?’
‘Look at you getting all philosophical and talking about love!’ I laughed.‘You sure you’re feeling okay?’
‘Very funny!’ She rolled her eyes.‘Just because love isn’tmycup of tea, doesn’t mean I can’t understand when other people are head over heels.You don’t regret it though, right?’
‘God, no,’ I said without hesitation.‘I mean, yeah, when Jake left, I was kicking myself, thinking I’d pushed too much too quickly.And maybe asking someone to move in with you after knowing them for a fortnight was moving too fast.But I’ve never felt like that before.It all just seemed so right.My gut told me to try, so I’m glad I did.If I didn’t ask, I would’ve always wondered,what if?’
‘Babe, I’m not sure if you realise it, but you’ve grown so much.Pre-California Halle would’ve been beating herself up about asking him to come here.Actually, what am I saying?Pre-California Halle never would’ve had the courage to sleep with him, never mind ask such a big question.But you did.When life gave you lemons, you didn’t just make lemonade.You made limoncello, lemon drizzle cakeandlemon sorbet!You pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and although it didn’t work out how you wanted, you made the most of your time there.I’m so fucking proud of you!’
‘Thanks,’ I said, pride filling my chest.
She was right.I had come a long way in the last three weeks.I felt stronger.
Things hadn’t lasted with Jake, but if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t believe in myself as much as I did right now.I wouldn’t even be considering trying to pursue my dream career.
I was more determined than ever and I wasn’t going to let that newfound ambition go to waste.
I would’ve preferred to have done that with Jake by my side, but it wasn’t to be.
Although I knew I shouldn’t, there was still a tiny part of me that hoped that in a year or two, once Jake was back on his feet properly, we could try again.
I’d had visions of me going to one of his concerts, him seeing me in the crowd and telling me that he’d never stopped loving me.
Was I crazy?Probably.
But as deluded as I sounded, I believed that Jake and I were meant to be together.
I’d laid my heart on the line.I’d done all that I could.And although I couldn’t put my life on hold, there would always be a place in my heart for him.
46
JAKE
‘This place is sweet!’ Roger said as he stepped into the grand living room which had huge glass doors leading out to an even bigger swimming pool.‘Makes my apartment look like a matchbox!’
‘It’s cool,’ I said.
‘Cool?You’re staying in freaking Liam Stone’s mansion and you call itcool? If I was him, there’s no way I’d leave this place, never mind rent it out.’
‘He’s in London.He doesn’t use it.’
I was tempted to add the fact that he didn’t live here any more because he’d found Mia, the love of his life, and decided that being with her was more important, but that shit felt way too close to home.
Objectively speaking, Roger was right.This place was more than justcool. And I couldn’t even begin to put into words how grateful I was that he’d let me stay here.Without him, I might be on the streets right now.
Roger always said he’d never let that happen, but I knew that I couldn’t stay with him forever.
Make no mistake, my lack of enthusiasm had nothing to do with the fact that I wasn’t grateful.It was just that as incredible as this place was, without Halle, it felt cold and empty.
‘I brought breakfast.’ He held up a bag which I knew from the logo was filled with my favourite bagels.
‘Thanks.Let’s go to the kitchen and put the fancy coffee machine to use.’
Whilst I made coffee, Roger pulled up a stool at the glossy white marble island.
