Me
Rise and shine!
Redheaded Assassin
Are you texting me while someone is sleeping next to you?
Me
You saw me leave the bar alone.
Redheaded Assassin
I don’t know what you got into when you went home.
Me
Just a bag of Oreos. I ate six.
Oh. By the way. Coach wanted me to tell you you’re on first line tonight.
Redheaded Assassin
Don’t fuck with me, Miller.
Me
I’m not forking with you.
Ducking
Jesus Christ, Siri. Fucking!!!
Redheaded Assassin
Are you serious?
Me
Isn’t that the opposite of not fucking with you?
Redheaded Assassin
You’re going on my shit list.
Me
Shit list? Sounds positively titillating.
Tell me more about your disdain for me.
Redheaded Assassin
Look at you using big words.
Me
You know what else is big?
