And to think I’d come here because I had been considering binding myself to him.
I drew in a shuddering breath.
“You need to move on from this. Fell would have wanted that.”
It was too much. Invoking Fell’s name to bend me to his will. I saw through it and bit back a scathing reply. That would not serve me.
Nothing I said could make him understand, so I moved to leave, saying tightly, “This has been a shock. I need time to think.” The words choked in my throat, but I knew I had to say something. I didn’t need time to think, but the vague, placating words were necessary.
He stepped in my path, towering over me, a hunger, a wildness glinting in his eyes that felt contrary to the gently patient words coming from his mouth: “Take all the time you need, but remember why you came to my den.”
I blinked up at him. How didheknow what brought me here tonight?
As though he read the question in my mind, he said, “You came here for me. Because you want me as much as I want you.”
With a flash of guilt, I stepped back, putting more distance between us. That was much too close to the truth. Ihadcome here for him.Had.But now it was done. That impulse dead and gone.
He carried on. “You are thinking about it. About me. About whatwe can be to each other.” He reached out and stroked warm fingers down my cheek.
I swallowed thickly. “You’re not who I thought you were.”
“Fell is gone, but I am here.”
Those words gouged me, flayed deep into me as any talons would. I rubbed at my palm, as though I were evoking Fell. “He is in me,” I insisted.
He nodded to my hand. “That will go away and fade once you accept a new mate.”
I looked at him with the solemnity of one facing the gallows. “I won’t be accepting a mate as long as Fell is alive.”
And I will never accept you. Not after this. Not now after I see the real you.
I fled then, darting around him with the necklace still clutched in one hand, rushing out, past the blur of dens where the others slept, through the ever-present curling mist that felt thicker tonight, denser, fingers grabbing at my ankles, trying to hold me, pull me back to the den from which I ran.
I wondered how many of them knew the truth about Fell. Did they all know? Was I the only one left in the dark? A fool they all talked about when I wasn’t near?
Once back in my den, I paced, Fell’s necklace a living thing, burning in my hands like a hot coal. I felt caged … alert and tense as a prowling animal. Sleep wasn’t happening, not the way I felt, but that was just as well. Even if I could, I didn’t want to close my eyes and lose myself in slumber. I wanted to throw back my head and howl. I wanted to open my mouth and let my fire out in a blazing blast.
After a while, I flung myself down on my bed, not bothering to undress. My heart would not slow its race inside my chest. I fastened the black opal around my neck, letting it join my other necklace, the weight of them both a comfort, a balm to the soul.
I’d meant what I said to Vetr. I could find Fell. He just didn’t want me to—or he didn’t have faith in me that I could. Whateverthe case, I wasn’t scared. I’d gone through so much. What was a trek through the Crags? I could find him using our bond as a guide.
I trailed my fingers over the humming gemstones circling my throat before moving on to touch the center of my other palm. I rubbed there, stroking the flesh, tracing the mark. “Fell,” I whispered. “I’m coming.”
The X responded, crackling heat under my fingers.
18
TAMSYN
NIGHTTIME WAS MY ONLY CHANCE. WHEN NO ONE WASwatching. When everyone slept.
I could have waited, but fiery resolve burned in me, pumping hot and thick through my veins. Now was my best opportunity amid the squall, when travel was difficult and visibility low. I would be untrackable in these conditions—just in case anyone wanted to follow me.
Even though there was still so much unknowable about Vetr and his enigmatic silver gaze … after it was all said and done, after I was gone, after he had time to consider that he and I would never be good together, he would recognize that he was well rid of me. He would forget about me and take someone else to bond with so that he could grow the pride. That was all he wanted anyway.
I would rescue Fell, and together we would decide where to go.
No one noticed me slipping from my den. No one noticed me venturing to the kitchens and procuring some food and a flask of verdaberry juice and stuffing it into my knapsack.
