“But Charles said he set the Petersons up with an even nicer one on the other side of the woods. Bigger barn too.”
Nella turned to the boys. “Go on out and poke around in the yard for a little while, boys. You can come in for some math lessons later. You go on with ’em, Ruth.”
The girl frowned her answer.
“Git on now. I'll come rescue you from your rascal brothers in a bit.” She glanced over at Kizzie. “That gives me and Miss Kizzie time to mix up some sugar cookies.”
Kizzie sent a look to the basket, and sure enough, all the ingredients needed for the cookies waited inside. Kizzie grinned at the boys. “And I reckon Boss could do with some of your lovin’.”
The boys ran out the back door with Ruth straggling behind, and Kizzie began laying out the items from the basket, avoiding eye contact. “You're too kind, Nella. I really don't deserve—”
“What's all this about, girl?” Nella's hands landed on her hips. “You ain't been by in days, and we expected you for supper last eve.”
Kizzie released a long breath and looked over at Nella, who'd removed her hat and gloves.
“Charles came to see me before leaving. He had the house turned over to my name.”
Nella's eyebrows shot high. “He deeded the house to you?”
“And land. Five acres. It's—it's mine.”
“That's a fine gift. Any person should want to have ownership of their own place, if they can.” She reached for the flour and placed it on the counter in front of her. “But that ain't what's kept you away, is it?”
Kizzie stared down at the basket and pulled some sugar from its contents. “He … he stayed overnight again.” Her gaze came up to Nella's. “I had put it in my mind to try and do better, but he was so sweet and charming, and I was so lonely …”
“And you was afraid to come see me? Ashamed?” Nella measured out the flour and placed it in a ceramic bowl Kizzie provided. “Do you think you fallin’ back into his arms surprises me?”
Her nose tingled with coming tears. “Disappoints, maybe?”
“Why do you think it hurt your heart so much to give in to him this time?” Nella stepped close enough to Kizzie to touch her arm, her expression tender. “More than the past times?”
Kizzie shook her head.
“ ’Cause God is after you.” Nella's lips tipped ever so slightly. “He's workin’ on your heart to put it in order. Right things right. Wrong things wrong.”
“But I knew it was wrong, and I done it anyhow. God can't want a heart like mine. I've done wrong over and over again, Nella. Iwantedto do wrong sometimes, even. I'm a rebel to the good. He don't want rebels like me.”
“Don't you go makin’ God so small.” Nella's dark gaze sharpened on Kizzie. “You're measuring’ His ways like He's one of us, but He ain't. His view is much bigger. You think your choices surprised Him?”
Heat rushed into Kizzie's face at the idea of Him knowing what she'd chosen.
“But His love is bigger too. Bigger than us. We place folks in boxes that we think they can never leave. But God ain't stopped by our boxes or our hatred or our rebel hearts. No.” She shook her head, her smile growing wider than Kizzie had ever seen. “You'll never get out of this box on your own. You need Him. And your heart is exactly the one He's after.”
Her words took on size and volume and filled the room in an impossible way, shoving into Kizzie's breaths like Nella's words wanted to get right inside her chest. “Why?”
Nella sighed. “If your daddy hadn't cast you out, do you think your mama would have taken you in?”
A fresh sting of tears pierced Kizzie's eyes. “I know she would. She tried to talk Daddy into letting me stay. Cried, even, and I've never seen her cry, ’cept when we sent my brother off to war.”
“You're sure. She would have.”
Kizzie nodded. “No doubt.”
“God's love is even bigger than that. What you're craving, He can supply. The joy you're lookin’ for, He has. Because His love ain't measured by your ability to love Him back. He loves because …” Her smile spread to her eyes. “He loves. And He'll keep loving you. Over and over again.”
“But I've made such a mess of my life.”
“It's true. And you're gonna have to live with the consequences, like any of us have to do from our choices.” Nella squeezed Kizzie's arm, the glow in her eyes somehow transferring into Kizzie's chest. “But your wrong choices don't stop God from makin’ things right. Never have.”
