I didn’t want to utter a word of the horrific, unfair questions swirling through my head, so I stayed silent.
Are you actually going to go?
Am I not enough to make you stay?
Did you even want to be my Daddy?
Was everything you told me a lie?
No, I didn’t say any of that, because I wasn’t a dick. But fuck, part of me wanted to.
Because I knew they were going to take the job. They had to. They didn’t have a choice. They had no job here anymore, and this position was a huge opportunity that would be absurd to turn down.
But where did that leave me?
“Chase told me to bring you along.”
Atlas’s words were almost a whisper, but they carried in the nearly silent room. “Wh-what?” I managed, my heart racing for an entirely different reason now. Maybe this wasn’t the end after all?
Their eyes finally met mine after minutes apart. “They already have an apartment for me—one of the many perks of the job—and when I mentioned my partner, Chase told me specifically to bring you with me.”
Partner?I could feel my chest start to heave with a slow-burning rage at the word—a bit irrationally, I could admit—and the bit of hope I’d felt that we could possibly move forward together despite this was dashed under its fiery weight. If we were partners, they wouldn’t be leaving like this, would they?
I shoved to my feet, pacing my usual lines in their living room carpet. I could feel their eyes on me as I stomped across the room and back, but I needed time to think.
And Atlas, being the wonderful Daddy they were, stayed silent long enough for me to process.
As I paced, I considered my options.
One, Atlas and I could break up. My heart ached in my chest at the mere mention of that, and I knew that was the last thing I wanted.
Two, I could move across the country with them. This idea presented its own set of problems, of course, the least of which was the fact that my job, my home, and my family were here, in and around Gomillion, worlds away from Seattle.
Three, we could try to make it work long distance. While not very appealing, it was slightly better than option number one, so I supposed that was on the table. But how could we be Daddy and boy over such a great distance? I wanted to go deeper with them, get even closer, not pull away. I knew people did it, of course they did, but if I was honest, I didn’t want that for myself. I didn’t want that with them. Atlas had shown me I was a very tactile person and craved their touch. I wouldn’t make it long without needing them in my arms, and I couldn’t afford flying across the country every time I needed to touch them. Nope, option three was out.
Was there a fourth option? Maybe a hybrid where we were long distance for a time until I could find work in the city they would soon call home? Honestly, the thought of job hunting in a brand-new city made me sick to my stomach, and the prospect of building a business from the ground up—something I’d never done—made me want to crawl into a hole and hide.
Was that option five? Hiding away from the world, ignoring this until it went away?
Fuck, Miles, you know that won’t work, my brain unhelpfully supplied.You’re a fucking adult—act like it.
And yet . . . I couldn’t deal with this news. Not yet. What I needed in this moment wastime.
I stopped walking—between this and the reunion, I probably would hit my move goal today—and turned to catch Atlas’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
Their eyebrows furrowed as their head cocked to one side. “Whatever for?”
I swallowed hard. “I can’t decide right now, okay? I need some time to think about it.”
Atlas stared at me for a moment before they nodded slightly. “Of course, sweet boy. It’s a big decision, and I never would’ve asked it of you if I saw another way.” They pushed up from the davenport, circling the coffee table to stand in front of me, taking both of my hands in theirs. “You’re the most important thing in my life, Miles. I want you to know that. And if I wasn’t moving out of town, I’d want you to move in here, with me. I was already planning to ask you before this all happened.”
They took a breath, staring down at our hands.
“I’m really sorry about this timing, baby. If we’d been further along in our relationship, maybe this would’ve been an easier decision. Or maybe not.” They looked up at me, and tears shone in their eyes. “I don’t want to lose you. But I can’t force you to uproot your entire life for me. That wouldn’t be fair of me as a partner, say nothing of me as your Daddy. I always have and always will want what’s best for you.”
Tears stung my eyes as they continued.
“So take all the time you need, sweet baby boy.” My knees nearly gave out at that most beautiful of endearments, but they kept going. “Whatever you decide, I won’t be upset with you. This needs to be a decision you feel good about.”
