After we’d been dating a few months, one night I was hanging out at his house and woke up in the middle of the night not feeling like myself. I couldn’t remember what we’d done earlier in the evening, it was all a hazy blur… and then nothing. That’s when Nick told me I’d been an okay fuck. I’d never done it before, and he knew it was my first time. He swears I asked for some of his drink, but I couldn’t remember what led up to my blackout. I still don’t know what really happened. I’d never asked for a single sip of one of his drinks before, so it made zero sense to me.
And after that, Nick cajoled me into having sex with him more often than not, even when I wasn’t into it. Wasn’t ready for it. I swear he had to have drugged me that first time.
Looking back, I know I should have said something to someone.Anyone.But he knew what I was doing to myself, what I’d tried so hard to hide. He could do what he wanted with me because if I didn’t go along with it, he’d put my little secret on display for the entire world to see. Whether he meant my family, my friends, or everyone at my school, I’ll never know. But I couldn’t take that risk.
Nor could I accuse him of raping me because I knew he’d use my self-harming as a way to spin whatever story he’d make up. He’d for sure have said I was mentally unstable. No one would have believed me.
So he’d had me. And I’d been miserable.
Nick only ever took his own pleasure.
Nick degraded me the entire time he fucked me.
Nick made me feel dead inside.
“Fuck, are you finally awake? I’ve been waiting. I didn’t even give you that much.”
I try to swallow, but my throat is blocked by a lump of fear. I turn my head toward Nick’s menacing voice. By the way he looks, no one would ever guess the atrocities he’s capable of. “Untie me,” I murmur roughly.
“Nah. Not yet. You look kinda hot like this.” His tongue slides over his lower lip. “At my mercy.”
He reminds me of a reptile, all slithery and gross. I stare at him, and the hard glint in his eye startles me even though it shouldn’t. “Did you drug me?” I wet my lips, my breath coming shallow and fast.
“You look like a deer in headlights.” He purposely ignores my question, his lips curving into a wicked smile as he stops at the foot of the bed.
Good. Let him think I’m weak. Let him think I’m scared.He goes to grab my ankles, and I kick at him, one of my feet making contact with his forearm. He sucks in a breath, shuffles back a step, and shakes his arm out.
His brows raise, and a grotesquely impressed chuckle falls from his lips. “Ellie, Ellie. You sure do have some fight in you these days.” He shakes his head. “I actually think you may have left bruises on my back earlier. That’ll be hell on our relationship.”
An angry laugh tumbles out of my mouth of its own volition.“Formerrelationship. But if we’re going to lay blame for the ‘hell on our relationship,’ I’m sure you mean the way you demeaned me and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. And evenifthat had never happened, even if you’d never forced me into doing things I wasn’t ready for, we were definitely over the second you stuck your dick in that other chick.” I thrash against my bonds, fury replacing panic.
He huffs in derision. “Maybe I wouldn't have had to do that if you weren't so caught up in your bizarre friendship with Will. Or if you weren’t so fuckin’ lousy in bed. You never cared about me or my needs. And now, you’ve been ignoring my text messages for weeks while you, what? Tried to unearth where your little cocksucker of a friend got off to? He was obviously not cut out for life in a brotherhood. Fuck, maybe he found it way too goddamn tempting living with eleven other men, know what I mean?”
I slam my eyes shut, unwilling to look at Nick while he taunts me about Will. He hated him. Was always jealous of the time I spent with him. Paying attention to anyone other than him was a surefire way to piss him off.
When I finally open my eyes again, he’s waiting for answers, one brow cocked high on his forehead. “So, tell me, Ellie. What the hell are you doing in there? Whoring yourself out for answers?” He shakes his head, clearly disgusted with me even though I didn’t dignify his question with a response. “I’ve had enough, honey. We aren’t playing these games anymore.”
“You think I’m playing games? You never cared about meat all.You made me believe I was worthless. But you know what? I’m not running back to you this time.” The words fall harshly from my lips, and my eyes blaze at him as I fire the kill shot. “Because I’ve foundbetter.”
“Quality over quantity. More doesn’t equal better, Ellie. From what I hear, you’re letting every dude in the frat fuck you.” He squints at me, then rounds to the side of the bed, climbing up and clasping the closest of my thighs with one hand. He presses it securely to the mattress. He’s made it nearly impossible to kick at him with the far leg, though I do try, grunting hard as I twist and kick, but only meeting air.
“Save your energy for later, Ellie. I’m gonna ride you all night when I’m done making sure no one will want you.” He shoots me a smirking wink. “Maybe you’ve gotten better with all that practice.”
I blink, my lungs hitching, then my eyes dart to his face, taking in the way he’s taunting me. My entire body stiffens, and I bring my free leg in to clench it together with the one he’s holding. I’ll be damned if he brings his limp dick anywhere near me. But what does he mean by when he’s done making sure no one will want me? My stomach pitches and heaves some more as my mind digs through the plethora of things Nick knows about me that he could use as ammunition.
Nick squeezes my thigh when I don’t respond, inching his hand upward, fingertips close to brushing my scar tissue. “Thanks for wearing this cute dress, by the way. I fucking love some easy access.”
My breath shudders from me. “No.” I shake my head. “Just let me go. You don’t want me. I was never good enough for you.”
He cocks his head to the side. “True. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not good enough in bed.” His features twist. “But no one else gets to have you either. You’re mine, so I’ll make sure you’re so ugly they won’twantyou.”
They.Does Nick specifically know about Kingston, Archer, and Cannon? Or is he blowing smoke and waiting for me to reveal more information that he’ll no doubt save up to use against me later? Or does he simply assume I’m the brotherhood’s slut? I can see the explosion now if he ever went to my dad. Blane Ashford would flip his fucking shit. And the horrible part of it is he’d be mad at me, not Nick. Not the one he still believes will be his son-in-law one day.
For that reason, I won’t spill my guts anytime soon. I’m not telling him a goddamn thing about the relationship I’ve found myself happily entangled in. “Gofuckyourself, Nick.”
I wish with every fiber of my being that I hadn’t gone home alone this morning, that I’d waited, no matter how upset I was concerning the words I’d had with Dane. I knew it wouldn’t have mattered which of the guys took me home. Any one of them would have picked up on my mood and asked questions. And dammit, I hadn’t wanted to come clean with them about what I know in my heart to be true—that Dane and Will were in some sort of relationship. And even more importantly, I wouldn’t have a reason to probe into whatever was going on between them unless Will meant something to me. After Dane’s reaction, I’m nervous to bring it up to anyone at all because the hell of it is that he could be somehow involved. What if he was partly or even wholly responsible for whatever went down last year?
My mind lurches fitfully back to the present as Nick wrenches my legs far enough apart that he can wedge his knee between them. Look where going home on my own got me—trussed up on a bed, locked inside some shitty motel room with my psycho ex.
