He keeps glancing over at me and grinning. Maybe I should be self-conscious or ashamed or whatever—letting Nate see me like that, bent over his desk and hungry for his cock. Practically begging him to give it to me. But all I’m thinking is that I can’t wait to do it again.
I’m only semi-sane again once I’ve climbed out of the car. “I’ll pick you up at eleven,” he says as I get out.
I watch as he drives away, trying to will myself back into the real world.
Bob catches me coming in.
“Hey Evan, how’s it going?”
I realize I’m grinning like an idiot and wipe the smile off my face.
“Okay, thanks.”
His face changes once he looks at me properly.
“What happened to your face? Everything okay?”
“I just hit it with the door. Don’t worry about it.”
He looks like he isn’t gonna drop it. I consider making a joke about Ma hitting me with the frying pan, but I don’t think he’d find it funny. Thankfully he nods and accepts my explanation. As he’s walking away, something comes over me.
“Hey, Bob. Do you think I could get the application form for that course?” My neck starts to heat up, but I force myself to hold his gaze and ignore the stupid grin that spreads over his face. He practically trips over himself getting it for me.
After I clock in, I take up my space at the packing machine and get to work.
I have to force myself to keep my phone in my pocket. I told Nate I can’t text him or anything while I’m at work, but I still wanna see if he texted anyway.
Images of us in his room, or in the pool, keep floating to the surface, making me smile. My face gets hot and my pants are suddenly too tight.
I never thought I’d get to hear the wayNate sounds when he moans. Or see his face when he comes. Never thought I’d be the one to make that happen. Now it has, it feels surreal. It’s fucking scary. What am I gonna do if Nate decides this isn’t for him? No, notif.When.
I don’t even look at my phone while I take my break in the back. I grab a Snickers from the vending machine and a scorching cup of watery coffee and ignore the clock on the wall.
When I told my ma I was crashing at Nate’s, she had this big smile on her face. I wanted to tell her that me and Nate are fucking, just to see her reaction. Would she still love him then? Would she still think he was a good influence?
I know my ma isn’t homophobic. She fucking hates that shit. She loves everyone. Thinks everyone should be treated with the same kindness. But would she feel differently if she knew her son was gay? Would she, at the very least, be worried? I don’t want to be another reason she worries. I never want her to have to worry about another thing in her life. Thinking about my ma’s possible reaction to me coming out, I start to wonder what Dad might have thought. I saw him defend a guy from some homophobic hate crime once. I didn’t understand what was happening at the time, and I don’t know whether he just thought it was unfair that there were three or four guys against one, or if he really thought it was wrong to be a homophobic prick. I’ll never get to ask him now. What I do know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, is that he loved Nate. Loved him like a son. Would he think it was weird us fucking? Did he want me to see Nate as a brother and nothing more? Or would he be relieved that I was doing this with someone he approved of with all his heart?
Clocking off time rolls around and I can’t fucking wait tosee Nate sitting out there in his stupid SUV, waiting for me with a smile on his face.
I exit quickly, before all the women come out of the locker room in their big groups, huddling outside to smoke their cigarettes before they go home to their husbands and kids. Nate’s car is already in the lot. The headlights come on when he starts the engine.
I’m heading towards it when I hear someone call my name. The familiar voice makes my insides turn to ice. I glance over my shoulder to see Paddy jogging over to me. Behind him, Adam and Corey are leaning against the parking lot barrier.
“Hey man, what’s up?” Paddy asks.
“Adam send you to do his dirty work?” I try to walk past him, but Paddy blocks my way. I know I could easily put him on his ass, but I don’t want to shoot the messenger. I know he’s just doing what Adam told him to do. Trying to fit in.
“He’s sorry-”
Adam starts walking over, tossing his smoke away as he reaches me. I try not to let my gaze flicker to Nate, praying he’ll stay in the fucking car.
“Hey man, let’s forget about that stupid fight, yeah?”
I shrug and stick my hands in my pockets, hoping he won’t push. “It’s a little soon to forget for me. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?”
But Adam doesn’t back off like I’m hoping. “Don’t be like that.”
My stomach drops at the sound of a car door slamming shut.
