I take a deep breath. “Listen, it’s not a big deal. But to make a bit of extra cash, I’ve been moving some stuff for a guy I know.”
I wait for his reaction, trying not to let it show on my face that I’m scared he’ll be disappointed.
He frowns, obviously turning it over in his head.
“What do you mean, ‘moving stuff’? Evan, are you selling drugs?”
I roll my eyes and try to act like it’s not a big deal. “It’s just weed. I won’t do pills or anything like that. Weed’s not even illegal here anymore.”
“So why do people need to buy it off you? You don’t havea license to sell it, right? And you’d get in trouble if you were caught?”
“Do you know how expensive dispensary weed is? You don’t have to pay taxes to a dealer. Anyway, I’m careful. I told you, it’s not a big deal.”
“Do you need money?”
“Obviously. Who doesn’t? And before you offer, no you can’t loan or give me any.”No way, I’m not letting Nate give me money.The memory of that night resurfaces—two greasy fifty-dollar bills on a stranger’s dashboard. It won’t be like that with Nate. It can’t be.
“Evan.”
“It’s fine, okay? Just stop stressing.”
He bites his lip. I swear if he carries on, I’m gonna have to take him back to bed or something to shut him up, and I don’t know if my dick, or my ass, can take anymore.
“Okay?” I put my hand on his arm.
He looks up finally, nodding. “Please be careful, Ev.”
My heart does a stupid flutter. I know my ma and Stacie care about me, but I haven’t had anyone verbalize it like this for a long time.
“I will be. Don’t worry.”
Nate drives us to the beach in his SUV and I watch him run laps in the sand, timing him on my phone for some reason. It doesn’t matter how fast he does it, he isn’t an Olympic sprinter, but I humor him. Because it seems to make him happy.
“What was my time this time?”
“Slower.”
“Damnit.”
I snort. “Go again.”
Families explore the beach as Nate gets ready to run another lap. Kids are wading into the sea.People are washing their dogs at the showers. I try not to think about Nate pressed against the wall. His eyelids fluttering as he spilled over my knuckles.
“Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“What was my time?”
“Oh, shit. Sorry, I forgot to press start. Go again.”
I realize he’ll keep running until I tell him to stop, so I let him off the hook and buy him a water ice cone and watch him eat it. His sweat has made a dirty band around his cap.
“I’m gonna rinse off in the shower. Come with?” He waggles his eyebrows and bursts out laughing. “You should see your face.”
I letNate play whatever the fuck emo music he wants in the car before he drops me off at work. It’s a bad idea to let him drive me here. I shouldn’t let him anywhere near my work, but it’s too late now. He’s already wormed his way back in with Ma and Stacie. Might as well infiltrate my place of work, too.
I try not to watch his left knee bouncing in his sweats while he drives. Try not to catch his smell being circulated around the car with the air conditioning. Definitely try not to think about him fucking me in every part of his room.Fuck,I haven’t come that many times in one day since I was like sixteen.
