“I’m fine,” she said, her voice just as rough from screaming. “Just tender. It’ll pass.” She sat up slowly, tucking her kneesbeneath her chin and pulling the hem of her shirt down over them. When she shivered, looking down at the tatters of her pants, shame lashed at him.
“You’re cold. I should not have… give me one moment.” He darted for the door, ignoring the way his spend was already cooling into an unpleasant, sticky mess in his pants. When the door opened, Haerune was standing on the other side of the door, a hand over his eyes as he held out a bundle of clothing.
“How did you…”
“A hunch,” he replied, grimacing. “Shut the door before you kill someone for passing by. I’m leaving now.”
He turned away, and Rentir did as he asked, shutting and locking the door behind him. He returned to Cordelia, fumbling with the clothing. There was a full set for each of them. He handed the smaller pair to her with a sheepish look.
She snorted, shaking her head as she gathered the fabric of one leg up and stuck her foot through.
“That guy is so smug, but I’ll admit he’s useful,” she muttered.
He watched with rapt fascination as she arched her hips up off the table to tug the pants over them. Hurriedly, he stripped out of his own spent pants and boxers, wiping perfunctorily at the mess he’d made before tugging on the spares Haerune brought him.
“So…” She fiddled with the closure of her pants longer than necessary. “Do you feel better?”
“Much,” he said quickly. “Thank you. It was a mercy.”
He’d meant to leave it a statement, but his inflection had made it a question. She must have heard it, too. Her expression shuttered, unreadable to him.
“You’re literally addicted to me, huh?” she murmured, then huffed a disbelieving laugh. “That’s some shitty luck.”
“Why would you say that?”
She gave him a wry smile. “I’m not exactly the epitome of emotionally available, if you haven’t noticed.”
“I did,” he said. “It does not matter.”
“Doesn’t it?” Her lips thinned. “It is just sex, I guess.”
She seemed to retreat into herself, and he hated that.
“It is not,” he said. “It is everything, Cordelia. It is you. Your bravery, your beauty, your brilliance. All of it. Although… I like the sex very much.”
Her eyes drifted down to his crotch, to his still-hard cock, now covered in his drying spend. “Yeah, it’s… good. But it doesn’t change anything.”
His heart sank at the confirmation of what he had feared. His position with her was no better than it had been before.
“If this is what you need to stay sharp, I’ll help you.” The flush on her cheeks deepened. She cleared her throat before she continued. “But after the mission, we have some serious shit to hash out. I can’t just pretend like I don’t know what I know. What you didn’t tell me, even after I told you about…” She swallowed hard, looking away from him.
“I am sorry,” he said earnestly, sinking back to his knees before her. “I know better than most how insufficient the sentiment is, but I am deeply sorry for how I have wronged you. I never set out to mislead you, I just… you looked at me for who I am, and it has been so long since anyone gave me such grace. I dreaded how that would change once you knew who I have been. I was selfish.”
Her face softened, and she met his gaze once more. “Yeah, well… don’t do it again. A lie of omission is still a lie.”
Shame flushed through him, chasing away the haze of pleasure that had settled over him for such a brief while. “You are right, of course.”
Silence stretched between them.
“Is there…” He cleared his throat. “Is there a chance for more between us? If it were possible for me to make amends for all I have done? Would you consider it?”
She chewed her bottom lip, and every second seemed to stretch into eternity. “Maybe.”
Hope leapt in his heart.
“I’m still…” She huffed, running a hand roughly through her mussed hair. “I’m still afraid, okay? Maybe more now. I have it in my head that anything I grow to care for is damned, and the second I opened up to you… you let that fear come true when you hid the truth from me. Finding out like that… you can’t imagine how I felt.”
“I cannot.” He reached out slowly for the hand she had braced against the table. Relief sang in his veins when she didn’t immediately pull away from his touch. “But I will never give you cause to feel that way again.”
