He slips out the door and closes it gently behind him. I finally look up and find my office empty. The air is thin and it’s hard to breathe because the moment Nic walked out, he took all the life with him.
I frantically call Lucy, needing to hear a comforting voice. “Luce,” I break.
“I’m on my way. Drive carefully, okay. Love you, Val.”
“I-I love you too, Lucy.”
I shut down my office and cry all the way home until I’m asleep in the arms of my best friend. The only set I’ll likely ever feel because the misery that I sit in isn’t a place I ever want to visit again.
34
VALENTINA
Nico: Mi Reina. It’s been three days. Can you please call me?
Me: Monty has approved the statement we worked up. I will release it to the media and it will probably all be gone by the time you step out onto the field Monday night.
Nico: That’s not why I want to talk. I need you. We’re both miserable, I know it. Lucy said you’ve completely shut down. We don’t have to do this alone. We’re stronger together, so why fight alone.
Me: I’m not fighting. I’m done.
Nico: Tell me you love me. I know you do.
Me: Love doesn’t exist in me, anymore. I gave you the last that I had. You’ve drained me, Nico Loving. All that’s left is the blood flowing throughmy veins.
Nico: Quit talking like that.
Me: I have work to do. Goodbye Nico.
Nico: Why does that sound so final?
Me: Because it is.
Nico: No it isn’t. We’ll never be done. You’re mine forever and I’ll prove it.
Nico: Te amo, mi corazón.
Ispent exactly eight hours mourning Nico, then packed him up and stuck him on the shelf in a dark corner. Not him, technically, but everything that reminded me of him. Seeing it, smelling it, only made the pain grow deeper. I needed it out of sight.
Lucy said I was back to being a robot and it made her sad. She was so happy to see life back in my eyes when Nico was around. I told her I’m not a robot but a level headed person who lives in reality. And the reality is I have nothing left to offer anyone. I gave it to Nico and I don’t want it back. It’s too heavy to carry.
A week has passed and I’m no stronger than I was before. I plaster on a professional smile and use my “customer service” voice just to get work done, but when the day is over I’m back home wallowing in anger for being so caught up in a man that I couldn’t see the truth of who he really was. I learned my lesson and never again.
My phone rings and my eyes dart around the kitchen, looking for where I placed it last. My head has been so foggy that I am in a constant state of unawareness.My house is a mess, I can’t seem to stay focused on any one task long enough to finish, and sleep is either hard to come by or too plentiful.
I spot my phone laying on a towel next to the sink and rush to grab it before whomever is calling hangs up. I sigh when I see Nic’s name flash on the screen and flip it over, setting it face down on the counter. Walking out of the kitchen, I settle myself on the couch, pulling my feet snug beneath me and hiding under a blanket. I bring the soft fabric to my nose and it smells just like him.Another item for the burn pile.
No sooner do I throw the blanket off of me does the phone begin to ring again. I let it go until it falls silent, but the peace only lasts for a moment. He won’t stop until I answer it. He’s stubborn and persistent and I know that I can either answer and get it over with, or sleep with earplugs because I doubt he’ll stop anytime soon.
I drag myself to the kitchen just in time for it to begin ringing for the fourth time, and answer it.
“What do you want Nico?”
“Can I come up?” His voice is thick with emotion.
“Are you here? I didn’t invite you.”
“And apparently you removed my name from the approved list.”
