“She said she wouldn’t post it,” he whispers, shaking his head in disbelief. “Baby, please let me explain.”
“Explain? Save your breath because there is nothing you can say to take away the images that are running through my mind.”
Nic sets my phone on my desk and leans over it, his palms flat on the surface. “I didn’t cheat on you. All of that stuff was before we became official. I swear, Valentina. I would nev–”
“Never hurt me? Yeah, I heard it already. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and I’m nothing but a dumb, desperate woman.”
He sits and reaches across the desk for my hands, but I push back in my chair, the wheels screeching.
He looks crestfallen but I refuse to break. “I admit it. I was a member of Lascivious. But I haven’t been there since we came back from Mexico. The moment I had you in my arms, I immediately told myself I wanted nothing more to do with that place. I canceled my status with the club and handed over my key. The club manager–”
“Key?” I ask, confused about what he means.
“Members have a key in order to get in through the pretty much hidden door. No one but members know where this door is and how to access it.” I cross my arms tightly across my chest and continue to listen. “When I handed in my key the manager, Sonja, wasn’t very happy about it. She begged me to stay but I refused. Sonja wouldn’t let me go. She wanted me all for herself. Texts would flood my phone, and each time I would block her number. But she wouldn’t leave me alone.”
His words are flying at me at a rapid pace so it takes me a moment to catch something he said. “What do you mean byshe wouldn’t let you go?”
He drops his eyes to his hands, still lying outstretched and palms facing up. “Towards the end, she began joining in on the encounters. I guess she got a little addicted –maybe even obsessed– because she always insisted on being there. Eventually I didn’t rebuff because…well, I liked it. And to me, it didn’t really matter who it was because you were the one always on my mind.”
I snort with a loud guffaw. “Oh, so that should makeme feel better? Because you were thinking of me while fucking other people? Be for real, Nico. You weren’t thinking of me.”
My eyes can’t look at his face any longer, so I look out the windows to stop me from doing something I may regret.
“I was! I swear it. The only reason my visits increased is because from the moment I saw you, you’ve been dancing in my mind morning, noon and night. I’d wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats, aching to touch you. Those kisses we shared, the ones for the cameras, were more real for me than anything I’ve ever felt.Youcaptured me and I had to do what I needed to so that I wouldn’t lose my mind. I never thought I could have you, and it drove me crazy thinking we’d never be anything more than fake. But even with my nights at Lascivious, it still wasn’t enough to soothe the pain I felt from not having you.”
Still not looking at him, I ask, “And the guy? Were you thinking of me while you fucking him? Or was he fucking you?”
“That was…something Sonja added to the last few times I was there. I never had sex with him and vice versa. There were some, Jesus I don’t know how to say this without being crude. We touched each other in certain ways, but actual sex never happened.”
“I have no idea what that means. Certain ways? Like…did you have oral sex?”
He scrubs his hands over his face. “Ididn’t do that to him. I was always on the receiving end of things. But it doesn’t matter because I stopped. I was honest when I said I haven’t been with anyone since we’ve been together. You’re all I want, Valentina. Don’t you see that?”
“I can’t see anything beyond the utter destruction you have caused. Do you know what a PR nightmare this is going to be? I expect Monty to be calling me within the hour. How do I explain this to him?”
“Fuck PR and Monty,” he shouts. “I’m not worried about any of that shit. I’m only worried aboutus. This secret has been eating me alive and now that you know, we’ll find a way to move past it.”
“You really think there’s going to be an us? You’re delusional. We are so over. I’m going to figure out how to fix this new clusterfuck you’ve caused and then I never want to see you again?” Bile rises up my throat.
“No. No! This isn’t the end. I’ll fix this. I’ll make a statement admitting to the sex club and ending ties with them when I started dating you. The time from when that actually started doesn’t matter. The public has seen who I am before you, and now know clearly who I am since you. That’s what’s important. And we can fight back against any other claims from Sonja because I’ve told you everything. She wouldn’t dare risk being sued by the richest people in Houston. She’s already going to lose the club when I sue her for the last penny in her account. She can’t withstand the hell that others would rain down on her.”
I don’t know what to do or believe. My head is spinning and I need time to process all of this. He’s given me a whole ten minutes to come to terms with what he's just laid on me, so for him to expect me to forgive and forget so quickly is an asinine way of thinking.
“I need some time to think, Nic. I need to figure out how to handle this with the media and Monty. You have to give me space.”
“I swear to you, mi Reina. I told you everything. There are no more lies or secrets. You know everything.”He’s pleading with me to believe him, but men broke my trust long ago.
Nic is the first man who began to heal me. He may also be the last man to try because I won’t survive another storm.
“I need you to leave now.”
“But Val–”
“LEAVE, Nico!” He jumps, his heart lodging in his throat when I screech.
He gives me a short nod and stands from his chair. I can feel his gaze boring into me, but my brain won’t allow me to look at him. If this is the last time I see him, I don’t want that look of despair to be the last one I remember. I choose to keep the one with a smile on his face as I kissed him and walked out the door this morning, his eyes still sleepy from slumber and the morning sun breaking through the windows. It’s as if the world knew I’d need something to fill me with warmth on the cold and lonely days ahead.
Nic reaches the door and pauses, his hand on the doorknob. “I love you, Valentina. I always will. Take the time you need to wrap your head around this, but please come back to me. I don’t think my heart will beat again if you aren’t the one holding it.”
