“And if it wasn’t me in that photo, it would be one of the other women he slept with! I wasn’t a good person, but Irefuse to be made out to be the villain in comparison toyourcrime.”
“Mycrime?”
“Wasn’tAlvyour closest friend? And with how keen you were for your affair to continue, I bet you slept with his wife hundreds of times!”
“Seven,” he snarled. “I slept with herseventimes. One for every storyAlvsold about me to the press.”
I stopped short. “What?”
“Look around you,Livie, we’resportsmen. We’re not celebrities. ButAlvmade me one by selling stories to the media. None positive.”
Nix first received attention after a shot of him in his leathers went viral years ago when he won his first race. He’d been invited on a couple of podcasts and a TV appearance, but the publicity only lasted a couple of months.
Then a story came out of him berating a member of staff at one of the hotelsCiclatiwere staying at.
Then another about his drug use.
Then another about him supporting PedroVelazco.
Then it didn’t stop.
“You’re certain?”
“Photos from angles where he was, knowledge only he had,papsarriving places only he knew I was going. Pictures of me leaving visiting hours at the prison. Do you think I’m proud of myself?” he spat. “Do you think I don’t feel horrific guilt at the fact he’s now in a hospital bed and will probably never wake up? The fact it was me who put him there?”
“I…” He felt guilty, of course. But he never seemed to be ashamed of himself like he did now.
“Probably the same guilt you feel,” he said. “But youshouldn’t feel guilty.Heshould have. No, don’t pretend you don’t. Staying up late, scouring the internet and your files for any uncovered article about him. You’re not discreet,Livie. You owe that mannothing, dead or not.” He sighed and I went to speak, to defend myself but he was right. Every timeVinnyGarvswas mentioned, my stomach would knot. “I need you to know that I fucking care about you! So, yeah, maybe I got over-excited about being able to give you something. Something that the most infuriatingly independent woman in the world might need. And I’m sorry that I was an awful friend and a prick and I let revenge fuel me for four years. I was adamant I wouldn’t give it up because he wouldn’t give it up.”
“Why would he…”
“Fuck knows!” he shouted and turned, holding on tight to the counter. “I wouldn’t have even touched her if he hadn’t.” His back rolled with his deep breaths before facing me again, his face twisted with desperation. “And if you’re worried about my loyalty to you, you really shouldn’t be. I only want you,Livie. Only you. It hurts to think you’d hate me over this. There are things I’ve done that would make you despise me, I know that, but…” He shook his head and sighed, looking completely defeated. “Take this place or leave it, but I just want to know you’re happy and you’re safe.”
“I’m fully capable of looking after myself,” I reminded him.
He groaned. “Tell me about it.”
“And making my own decisions. I don’t think I’m capable of hating you,” I added. “Feel like I probably would have by now.”
“Please, just… give me a chance.”
“I will,” I promised, stepping towards him. “I’m sorryAlvdid that to you.”
He nodded. “And I’m sorry that piece of shit did that to you.”
My bones locked up, arms tight at my sides.
There was a silence between us, but I shook my head. There was nothing more to say. I’d gone to therapy. I’d tried to work through it. I never wanted to talk about it again. He smiled weakly, acknowledging my pain but not pressing it.
“Yeah,Alv’s… I don’t know how I feel,” he said with a deep exhale. “I don’t hate him. I know there must have been a reason but… he doesn’t deserve what I’ve done to him.Callyor…” He swallowed. “He’s not going to make it.Lucacalled.Callystill has hope, but… he’s not coming back.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. “It’s not… his accident was not your fault. Please don’t take that burden.”
Without a word, he turned away from me, nearly knocking over his tea.
This had been such a wholesome moment. He’d even brought tea bags. I’d ruined it.
“Hey, Nix,” I said softly and put my hand on his shoulder.
