Josie ruffled her feathers with silent approval. I pushed myself off the wall and continued up the steps until I reached the elevator. Each step towards my room I battled the war inside my head. My obsession with Mira pulled me one, way then there wasmy need to protect her from myself dragged me in a different direction.
When I made it to my room, I stared at the black walls for a second before looking up at my owls. Josie flew up to the rafter to join them as all of their eyes penetrated mine. I didn’t bother undressing. I dropped down to the edge of my bed, elbows on my knees and exhaled slowly. I didn’t have a headache, but my mind wouldn’t shut up.
How do I love when all I’ve ever known is control and possession? What is real love?
With each inhale, memories flooded me, some sweet, most bitter. The weight of everything I’d carried for years seemed to settle on my shoulders all at once. I reached for my phone, my thumb hovered above her contact, ‘Little Owl’ I hesitated and removed my thumb, as if the act itself could both mend and break me. I tried to believe Tone’s words from earlier… I deserved a little peace, even if it was borrowed from the sound of Mira’s voice and her presence along with the sound of her violin.
I wanted her, not just physically but her smile, voice and the way she encouraged me without forcing me to open up and talk to her more. I knew I conducted myself robotically but that came from a place of shame from when I was a boy. Most of the time it felt like my severe impulses would land me right in jail. My Pops never wanted to believe the mental issues that I battled hard with since he claimed that type of shit didn’t run in our family. Whenever he witnessed me acting out of the norm, he’d beat my ass good for it.
Mira got comfortable with me, she made me forget what others surrounding me thought of me although I stopped giving an initial fuck. Those big hopeful eyes didn’t judge me after a while, that in itself made me feel good. My obsession for her since the first night I laid eyes on her spread throughout me like a rapid never-ending fire. Uncontrolled, and unhinged.
My phone vibrated, I didn’t move at first because I figured it was Tone. I didn’t want to have any more deep talks with him for the night.
Enough was enough…
It stopped ringing and I exhaled. Minutes later, it started back up again. I looked down at the screen and my heart leaped out of my chest.
‘Little Owl’
My heart stalled like it forgot how to beat in real time. I stared at the black letters against the bright background and wondered if my mind was tripping. I picked up and remained quiet for a couple of seconds before sighing roughly to let her know that I was listening.
“Kenric, I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Her voice sounded angelic.
It made my chest ache; I leaned back until my back touched the cold silk comforter behind me then looked up into the dark sky.
“Kenric.” She breathed into the phone.
Why she playing with me like this? Like I won’t get up and go to her, just to hold and kiss her pretty lips?
I pressed the phone harder against my ear like I wanted to feel her through it. She had no idea what her actions and words did to me.
“Why did you call, little owl.” I said lowly.
“I just—I don’t know Kenric, well I do know. I felt something… earlier when we talked, you weren’t okay. You seem like you’re always in control and because of me leaving to gain my own clarity, you spiraled. I know about your condition, and I read about it while I’m staying over at Yvette house. I don’t want to be a trigger that sets you off. I didn’t intend to run, Kenric. I plan on being here for you as a good friend.” She inhaled a sharp breath after rushing all the words out.
I remained quiet as I replayed her words in my head. After I took her against her will, killed Darius, and chained her…she got freedom and still worried about my well-being…Mira wanted to make sure I was okay… My throat tightened.
“I’m not okay,” I licked my lips. “I’m trying to figure out how to give you something I’ve never had…How to try to give you me, that is if you will eventually want me without breaking you in the process.” I admitted.
“I love what I built here, and I won’t stop any of what I do?—”
“I’d never expect you to stop or change, Kenric.” She sighed roughly into the phone.
“I saw you kill, saw the cells, and your beautiful creation inside of your lab. You’re very… interesting. Different, and it scares me to my core that I find it all attractive. The way you touch me, look at me…I’ve never had that before Kenric… I’m just trying to find understanding in it all, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to eventually try something… I don’t know what that something would be, but uhhh I do kinda like you.” There was a long pause after she whispered the last bit of words.
I sucked in a deep breath and chuckled lowly. Seconds later my chuckle turned into a full laugh from the gut. Leave it up to Mira to be the one to make me laugh after a hell-bent day of battling emotions. It felt good, eased my soul and it made me crave to have her next to me right now. I longed for her thick curvaceous soft body pressed against my body.
“I mean, it’s not every day that a girl like me gets kidnapped by a fairy godfather of crackheads.” She giggled into the phone.
The sound of her laughter wrapped around me, warm and unexpectedly, after everything we’d both been through. For a moment, the weight of it all didn’t press so heavily on my chest, and I could almost imagine a version of us unburdened by history or scars. I hesitated, searching for the right words, wanting to hold onto this fragile peace between us.
“I’m scared,” I stated lowly. “Scared I’ll break you or make you regret ever meeting me. I know that I’m not normal, I also know that you don’t like my concepts and the way I do things. I’m scared, little owl. I took you and tried to save you…I killed on your behalf so you would never be mistreated by a pussy like Darius…If I was to get you, and have you to myself…I don’t know how to?—”
“Be teachable, Kenric.” She cut me off breathlessly.
“Let me teach you how I like to be held…how I crave to be adored and to feel protected…have patience and then when the time comes, we both need to agree to be teachable and learn how to adapt unselfishly by each other needs and wants.” She finished her statement.
“How do we start from here?” I asked.
